This is a difficult situation. My girlfriend & I have been together 3 yrs and lived together for 2. We are married by common law and she has 2 kids from her previous marriage.So about 2 mnths ago she told me she cheated on me and wanted to move out. It was with one my close friends. I was divasted, hurt I felt betrayed. I still love her and was willing to take her back. He ended up going to jail for about 4 mnths. I was willing to let her go. She decided to stay with me and canceled the apartment. She told me she never stopped loving me and cant see herself without me in her life. So we decided go to counseling and work on our relationship and do the family thing with the kids. So we have been spending more time with the kids and have grown closer. Shes being selfish, she told me she still has feelings for him and is scared whats going to happen when he gets out. She knows she can be so happy with me and has so much to lose if we break up and wants to do the right thing. what do I do?
2007-08-06 06:34:14 · 21 answers · asked by leo_player79 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like a Jerry Springer episode. Maybe you should contact his producer.
2007-08-06 06:38:55 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well first off she needs to earn back your trust but I feel she is being honest with you about her still wondering wht will happen if the other guy gets out of jail (he sounds like a loser).
If you have the ability to move away from the town that would be a good start, if this guy gets out. The temptation won't be there for her if she doesnt live close by.
I think its a plus on her side to go to counceling and work on the problems she has.
I hope you realize this "close friend", isn't a friend at all. Don't welcome him back in your lives whatsoever.
Time will tell what will become of this but if you really love her and her you, then trying to see if it can work out is worth the effort. Good Luck
2007-08-06 06:41:49 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should continue counseling with her and alone. Of course you feel betrayed not only by your girlfriend of 3 years but by a close friend as well. It is up to her to make the choice of you or him. You can not make her stay, you can only forgive her, love her and hope she does. You need an open line of communication about what each of you expects from each other and faithfulness should be a top priority. I am not sure if she is being selfish or just very confused right now, perhaps she should go to counseling by herself to figure out why she can not commit to your relationship.
2007-08-06 06:52:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could stay with her but make sure you tell her that your heart is not a toy and if it happens again, you are definitely sticking around that way she will know that you love her but you are not going to be messed with. You should tell her that if she loves you she should be with only you. You guys are doing the right thing by going to counseling, just don't stop the counseling now. You need to tell her that she only thinks she has feelings for him, because it is something new to her. She may think the grass is greener on the other side but the reason it looks greener is because it is filled with (cow)dung, and besides this guy is already in jail for who knows what, does she really want a "criminal" raising her children???? Good luck
2007-08-06 06:50:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump HER!!! If I messed around on my husband, I know he'd leave me and vise versa. You will be so overcome with paranoia that you will end up hating her for this. Leos are a strong sign and can get over the pain just like everyone else. That other person is right, don't disgrace Leos, you will heal from the pain of being without her soon enough. The pain will stop quicker the sooner you end it.
2007-08-06 06:48:26 · answer #5 · answered by roloswife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
common law marriage? are you sure your state even recognizes that anymore? every time I've ever heard reference to such, it took 7 to 10 years, not 2. as for your "wife", she is a cheater. she has told you that she still has feelings for the other guy and fears for what will happen when he is out. how much clearer could she have made it for you?
I understand that you love her, but the first thing you need to do if find out from a lawyer if she is, in fact, your common law wife. then, you need to decide what you want to do, not what all of us outsiders want you to do. and finally, you should quit making it easy for her, and make her decide if it's you or him, and stick with it. and if it's him, run as far and as long as you can and don't look back. why be with someone who would rather be with someone else? makes no sense to me.
2007-08-10 02:37:07 · answer #6 · answered by flgalinms 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
basically what she seems to be saying is hes in jail, she still loves him, is afraid of what is going to happen, she has alot to loose when he gets out, because if she still has feelings for him she is going to loose u because she wants to be with him. if she looses u with u goes all of her security and what is good in her life, she stayed with u because he went to jail and she needed someone to take care of her, but as soon as he gets out she may be gone. she will stay with u until he gets out and than expect her to go back to him. her words say alot, they give u a glimpse as to what u can expect from her, but she thinks that u love her so much that u will just always be there to catch her when she falls down, but why should u even be with a girl who loves someone else? your the looser here. she is using u right now, if she chooses him over u she knows down deep he isn't the man u are, but than again one can't help who they love, as the heart wants what the heart wants, right or wrong, fair or unfair. best be prepared for the worst, and not get your hopes up that this is ever going to bring u happiness.
2007-08-06 06:47:55 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know how folks get themselves into relationships like this. Can this be any more complex? Its worse then the show 24! I dont think you are common law married yet. It takes longer then three years in any state. I would boot here butt and move on.
2007-08-06 06:40:12 · answer #8 · answered by Devdude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorrry
i feel that u love her for the wrong reasons
probably outta guilt or pity
no good
u r torturing ur self in a relationship that is not healthy
and its more like a soap opera than real life
what i suggest for u is to get some space and think things thru
and allow her to think things thru tooo
2007-08-06 06:46:01 · answer #9 · answered by Steven 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well.... i think u already know the answer to ur own q? listen these past days shes stayed with u because she didnt have him. u know the moment that othe guy comes out of prison, shell be in his arms and ull have no one. trust ur gutt! these girl obviously played and did a good job, she needed someone to help her with her kids and u were the man for that job. i dont meant o be harsh but she needed a nanny, not a lover. honey, do yourself a favor and cutt her out of ur life cold turkey. if u dont u will have a fear of sharing her with that other guy for the rest of ur days.
good luck
2007-08-06 06:48:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You owe her nothing. You're not even married. If she's going to cheat on you now, she'll do it again. She's all but told you that. You need to find someone else. She is a low life anyway if she's going after an ex con who is one of your best friends, no less. It's best to purge them both from your life.
2007-08-06 06:40:13 · answer #11 · answered by Yogi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋