I am really having a hard time finding a reason to forgive my wife for cheating. Love and even our son doesn't seem like a good enough reason to forgive. I don't even see why I should forgive for the first offense either. Plus, we have talked about what caused the cheating and I did not do much wrong to cause the affair.
2007-08-06 05:53:24 · 25 answers · asked by Kenny F 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Even her being remorseful doesn't seem like its a good enough reason to forgive and give a second chance.
2007-08-06 06:22:15 · update #1
You can forgive a spouse for cheating, but no matter how 'good' you think the marriage is, there's always going to be a certain amount of fer in the back of yor mind that they'll do it again. When a spouse violates your trust, it's hard (if not impossible) to get that trust back.
2007-08-14 05:58:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you've already made up your mind that you're not going to forgive her, it's going to be hard to come up with a reason to change that stance.
Love sure is a good enough reason to forgive. It's the ONLY reason.
Your son is a good enough reason to forgive.
Your opinion about her reason for cheating isn't as important as how she feels about that reason. Has she changed her mind about the reason? Has the reason changed?
There are some pretty awful things people can do to each other in a marriage. Cheating is one. Being unyielding and making a person 'pay' for the rest of her life for cheating is right up there too.
Marriage is blissful when she gets what she wants and you get what you want. Your son will benefit from his parents being in a blissful marriage so why not work on that? Divorce is no fun for anyone, ever. I think this is probably the best kept secret of divorce court. No one ever wins.
2007-08-12 16:49:47 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The forgiveness you can offer your wife will benefit you. It's a gift of letting the hatred and anger go. It's not condoning her behaviors. It's simply an acknowledgement of the existence of the affair and your ability to release the anger.
When you hold onto your pain, you remain in stress and suffering. It's really not healthy, for you OR your marriage.
And you should know this: You did NOTHING to cause the Affair. If there were problems in your M prior to the A, I'm sure they're worse now! It was her CHOICE to go outside the M to have her needs met, when she should have been honest with you. She stepped onto the slippery slope and did not recognize her boundaries. Down she went. The A was NOT about you! YOU could not have even stopped it.
The affair was all about your wife's issues - something SHE will have to deal with. YOU, however, are a part of her healing as well as your own. It will take enormous courage, honesty, fortitude AND forgiveness from BOTH of you.
2007-08-13 04:17:06 · answer #3 · answered by Iowan Gal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
g8grl77 had the best answer, while the cheating my husband did was before we were married, (we've been married since Dec. 2006) he cheated quite a bit during the prior 6 years we were living together, and while I swore I'd never be the kind of woman that would put up with that, I did, I got to a point after a talk w/a complete stranger (female) about knowing when enough was enough, and after about a week, I came to that frame of mind, don't know if it was steadfastness in letting him know I was no longer going to be his doormat or what, but he hasn't cheated since and I truly believe him, as that incident was quite lengthy and very stressful. Only you can answer your own question, I'm a firm believer that you should not stay together for a child(ren) sake, they're not stupid and will sense tension...Occassionally I still remember the emotional pain I went through as you will too never forget, try counseling, but if you can't ever trust her again, it won't work, you cannot have a good relationship w/out trust, you'll always doubt her then, and that's no way to live.
2007-08-06 15:36:41 · answer #4 · answered by Dolly J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband had a drunken one night stand...he confessed it to me the next day and was absolutely horrified at what he had done. With the help of our pastor and the ultimate marriage expert The Lord Jesus Christ, our marriage is healing. We even found out we are expecting our first child in the spring!! So yes forgiveness is possible if the cheater is repentant and wanting to move forward with the marriage. However, I strongly caution that, if this is not the first time she has cheated I would seriously consider a seperation. Noone who is truly repentant for having an affair would cheat again. I know that my husband was truly broken about what he did and he was willing to accept all consequences for what he did. Also, while the spouse that is cheated on is NEVER responsible for the cheating spouse's decision to step outside the marriage, we are responsible for the state of the health of our marriage before the affair took place.
Good luck and God bless you!!
2007-08-06 06:01:08 · answer #5 · answered by Notagain 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not yet, but I pray that we are on our way to a blissful marriage. It's very hard to forgive someone for betraying you. I never thought it would be so hard until it happened to me. We don't have any kids, so there was no real reason for me to stay. But I really feel that he is a good person and people do sometimes make poor choices. Believe me, there is not a day that I don't think about it or question my decision to take him back. Good luck! Try to give your wife another chance if she appears to be remorseful.
2007-08-06 06:20:27 · answer #6 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am a gay guy and I got married to a great guy 9 years ago, in the pass 2 years he has been cheating on me sleeping with other guys, but I can not leave the house I put to much money into it and he still lives with me. I have not and will not ever forgive him, I have told him to move out and he keeps saying that he still loves me, but I don't love him anymore,I keep telling him that I will never forgive you. So this time I'm looking for a boyfriend, so is there anyone out there for me.
2007-08-12 12:20:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember we are all imperfect there is no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship. You have the decision of forgiveness its not easy and i know this for a fact and its a different situation from yours but it involves forging. Usually the reason that things like this happen is because there is no communication at all so you don't know hat she feels or she don't know what you feel. Communication is a key word in a marriage also a profound respect towards each other.
2007-08-13 18:45:36 · answer #8 · answered by Micelle P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i cannot tell you to forgive your wife for the cheating. but, i can say that if your love is as strong as you thought it was when you took your vows you can conquer anything. there were reasons that she cheated in the relationship. i dont know what but, they could of been her own reasons. if you really love her its worth a second chance. you just need to let her know this is her last chance and if she is unfaithful again she might as well kiss the relationship goodbye forever. dont tell her anything that you will change your mind about. you have to be strong and firm when telling her and mean it. like the old saying goes if you love something let it go if it was meant to be it will come back to you. you know your heart better than anyone. when it comes to that women. only you can say what you need to do. hang in there okay. love real love is a one time thing. grab it if it is fight for it. dee
2007-08-12 05:28:21 · answer #9 · answered by dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are having this much doubt, then all the soul-searching in the world cannot create a reason to forgive her. You have to WANT to do it for the sake of the relationship, and if your heart's not in it, the relationship will not stand a chance. Just tell her you can't forgive her for it.
2007-08-13 06:02:04 · answer #10 · answered by makeloans2 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋