Can I trust my wife and her colleagues?

Question

I'm totally confused about what to make of my wife's relationship with some of her coworkers. I really don't trust her coworkers at all. My wife is gorgeous and she's also extremely friendly and smart. There have been three or four occasions over the past year when she'd be telling me about a guy who she'd become friends with. She mentioned one guy had been putting some pressure on her to go out to office-party type things because he wanted to get to know her better. Another guy started asking her to go jogging with him, she never went. Still he gives her apples every day, which she takes. He also tries to impress her by writing her some emails.

She continually reassures me and always tells me how much she loves me. I trust her completely, but I just can't settle my mind about why she gets all this attention all the time unless she's somehow sending signals to them... It also seems so disrespectful of her to not be more upfront with these guys to the point where they won't try anything. This sort of thing happens when guys think they have a chance and act on it. I hate knowing that they see her as a potential, and I hate knowing she somehow lets them see it that way.

And now, in her new job, she's been telling me about her new manager, a 31 year old guy (she's 25), handsome, successful, single, cocky. She's working in the same office as he, and she stays late regularly and she travels with him together across town. I have learned that they were the only 2 persons in their department alone at the office those times they worked late. Now I really wonder about what sort of working relationship they have...

I did some enquiry about her boss and it appears he is quite a ladies' man. At least two people told me he is serious into seducing attractive women and he has been quite successful so far. I have tried to warn my wife against him but she seems to have developed a liking for him and is rather vague about the nature of work they do when they stay up late alone at the office. The more I ask her questions, the more distant she seems.

Answer 1

Well, I don't blame you for feeling threatened, because co-workers are the most common type of affair. Think about it.... she spends more time with them than you.

The whole working late thing would really bother me. Up until then, it sounds like she has been really honest with you about turning down offers with other guys, but you're right -- men don't hit on women unless they're putting out the "vibe," which they may or may not know they're doing. My wife is the same way... really pretty and really friendly, and some men just take it as a green light.

I would be very nervous if I were you. I notice all the girls are saying you have nothing to worry about, but as men of course we're going to wonder because we know how other men think. I'm sure he wants to get on your wife, and why should they be staying late regularly? If nothing else, I would be more distrustful of the manager than of her. Whether you can trust your wife or not, only you can know. She's telling you this stuff, which is a good sign. I still think it sounds suspicious though.

Answer 2

Woa. A few things here.

First, don't put it on your wife that men find her attractive and hit on her. That's what men do, regardless of what "signals" are being put out by the woman. You said it yourself, she is gorgeous and that is probably why they are hitting on her.

Second, I think you are over-reacting a bit about the new boss. You said that she has been clear that it's you she loves and that she does not accept invitations to office-party type things.

Third, it might give you some comfort if there weren't e-mails or maybe if there were just a little more structure to her relationships with these guys.

Bottom line, your trust in her is being eroded by your insecurity about her being so beautiful and you being left for someone else. (Are you by chance older than she is?) You should tell her this - just so she knows where you are at.

Answer 3

First off, I think it's a good thing that she's TOLD you about all these guys. It kind of sounds like maybe she just knows she's beautiful, and really loves the attention. She may not be actually "sending signals" to these guys, but she's probably not discouraging it because it makes her feel good that they're all attracted to her. (Which is obviously the case, even if she's being completely faithful to you.) Sounds like she's a little oblivious to what a dangerous games she's playing. You've asked her about this stuff, but I'd suggest really sitting down with her. Tell her you really appreciate how open she was about these guys, but that she's such a beautiful woman, and you know that these guys are attracted to her, and you're afraid that they might compromise her in some way. (Try not to lay blame on her so much...so she doesn't feel like you're accusing her.) Tell her that you really trust her, but you can't help worrying sometimes because she's very desirable. I know it sounds like laying the flattery on thick, but this way you're kind of affirming that you are still insanely attracted to her and love her, and just MIGHT help her to stop looking for affirmation elsewhere. (If that's the problem, which is just what it sounds like to me.) Obviously you'll have to find the best things to say because you know her best...but that's just my suggestion.
I don't know so much about the thing with the new boss guy...it sounds a little bit worrysome that she closes up when you ask her about him, but it doesn't look like a huge thing yet. Hopefully it's all just innocent, and maybe she flirts a little and feels guilty, or maybe she thinks you're getting jealous because you asked her stuff and now she's trying to keep stuff from you so you don't feel jealous; even if she's not doing anything wrong.
Wow, getting long-winded here...basically, I think the best thing is to talk to her, hopefully your relationship is one that's got good communication and you can relay your worries without freaking her out so she clams up. It doesn't sound like she's cheating, and there may never be the possibility that she will, but at the very least, you need to be able to set your mind at ease - if it's something you worry about, then it's going to eat away at the trust between you. So if need be, share it with her that way...that you just can't shake this in your head, and you need her help to ease your worries.
Take all this with a grain of salt...the sucess of it all depends on the kind of people you each are. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 4

Guys enjoy the company of someone like you wife and might not even be thinking they have a chance. But on the other hand, if it is constant then you have to wonder if she leads them on a bit. How does she act when you are at parties. Does she flirt a bit (including body language).?

You need to think about it a bit, but you could let her know that you think she is so attractive (physically and mentally) that you think she is attracting these guys. You can ask her to be careful because, as you know, guys will look for any signal and might misinterpret her friendliness for interest.

Answer 5

Thirty year olds are not a threat, because they are still focused on their careers. I doubt he will risk a sexual harrassment charge vs. his carreer. Now if you said the guy was forty then I would say his established himself well enough to risk a little more for personal enjoyment. The other fact is your wife. 25 is young, but is a good age where people really become the adults they want to be.

If you really want to make sure nothing happens between the two of them work on your relationship. If you have a strong relationship other guys can't get a foot hold. I'm very serious about this I used to date a lot of married women in my time and I've fought of one or two that were after my wife.

There are certain things to know. Being happy is attractive, because it looks like you are confident. You are responsible for your own happiness. You can share your happiness, but you CAN NOT MAKE SOMEONE ELSE HAPPY. Your wife is in charge of her own happiness. Talk to each other and listen to HOW she says things. Women talk more with emotion than words. Play with each other. Turn off the tv and play scrabble. Flirt with her. Read a romance novel and get some ideas about romance. Most important be yourself. She isn't with you because of what you do, but cause of who you are. Let her experience all her emotions with you including anger and frustration. Say NO. Remind her that you are her equal. Women want to be with their equal. Someone who buys them everything is their inferior and trying to buy their affection. Loving is accepting someone completely good & bad. By her getting to know the true you more she is able to love you more. Don't fear who you are she will see it as confidence.

Answer 6

Your wife is obviously enjoying the attention. These guys are giving her the attention because she has never set them straight. She has not told them that she is happily married and that their advances towards her are inappropriate and will not be tolerated. She may love you...but she loves the thrill of the chase even more. If nothing hasn't already happened between her and the new manager....it will only be a matter of time before something does. She needs to tell these jerks that she isn't interested in their advances and that she respects you and your marriage.

Answer 7

Spend time with her look through wedding pictures, a vacation, or when y'all were dating. To make her fall in love with you some More talk about all the fun you had together. If she is telling you everything its because she has nothing going on usually when people are doing bad things they become very sneaky, jumpy, defencive, and very to themselves don't talk much about what happens at work. Trust her if you say she is intelligent then she knows what the consequences would be.

Answer 8

being a woman, i have to agree that your wife may be a little too friendly and is giving these men cross signals. men are dumb (no offense, but...) and they will take any little signal and go nuts over it. your wife may be totally innocent, but she is young and beautiful and i'm sure she likes the attention. but i feel she is treading on dangerous ground by responding positively to the attention. unfortunately, she's at that fine line where as far as you know nothing has happened but if you dangle the carrot long enough, WILL something happen? hopefully she's in her right mind with your relationship and she won't cross the line. my advice to you is to not pester her, and remain confident. if she end up crossing the line, there was nothing you could have done about it. the best you can do is tell her she needs to be careful around these men and to not do anything she'll regret. then all you can do is let her deal with her own integrity. good luck.

Answer 9

As an attractive woman myself I even have had men hit on me considering i replaced into 12 years old. I immediately have been given my head jointly and found out the thank you to %. those that i wanted and pronounced screw something. in case you rather do believe your spouse understand this... She can not administration the way others see her. She is with YOU and he or she enables you to already know that. If she have been rude to her co-workers who've the "hots" for her it may be a confusing paintings place. they are those with the subject. If she incredibly is a gorgeous as you're saying she has had those issues all of her existence and is conscious the in basic terms right thank you to handle is in basic terms to be the useful gal that she IS. do no longer blame her for being candy, useful and attractive. isn't that why you like her? besides the fact that in case you're frightened of loosing her...Why do no longer you get a greater useful activity so she would not could paintings. Set her up with all the flaws she desires in her abode and stay like the King&Queen that she merits!!!!!! My husband did! Peace&Love be with you...~M~

Answer 10

How is it possible to trust your wife completely WHEN YOU DON'T?

There are women who enjoy talking about their co-workers, but this DOESN'T MEAN THEY WANT TO SOCIAL OR SLEEP WITH THEM!

In any marriage (or relationship)...there's a "matter of trust" (quoting the Billy Joel Tune here)! So perhaps you need to be a little less paranoid about your wife's behavior.

As long as she comes home at the end of her workday...and isn't making up excuses to stay at work after quitting time...PLEASE give her the benefit the doubt!