I'm 5 and a half weeks pregnant. I'm 20 years old, my boyfriend is 18. When i found out i was pregnant, we were both excited. He went wth me to the doctor and even bought me a baby journal. The past few days, however, he has told me he doesnt want this baby, and that he thinks it will ruin us. He says he will stay with me no matter what i decide, but I dont want to go completely against his wishes and keep it. I desperately want to keep this baby and I am very much against the idea of an abortion. We are both in college, him just starting and me about half way through. My parents arent thrilled, but are doing their best to be supportive. Any adivce would be appreciated, as well as some tips on how to help my family and my boyfriend be more supportive if i decide to keep the baby.
2007-08-06 04:03:19 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Before you write him off as an as*, guys go through the same feelings that women do the first pregnancy. I go back and forth from excited to terrified a lot. One minute I can not wait for the baby, the next I keep thinking I am so not ready for this. and I am 25. He is probably just going through that. If you want to keep the baby keep it and I am sure he will melt when he sees his son/daughter
2007-08-06 04:08:12 · answer #1 · answered by Cash, Gage and Jax's Mom 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
This is such a personal choice. I think you need to do what is best for you and your baby. If you are against abortion, you have two choices...keep your baby or let someone adopt it. Will having a baby change your life? You bet it will. The effect having a baby would have on your life is dependent on you. You need to consider and weigh all the aspects of how this child will change your life. Can you give it everything it needs and deserves...the important stuff like food and shelter and clothes and love? You are so lucky your parents are trying to be supportive! Your boyfriend is young at 18 and you too at 20. Will you be willing to raise this child alone if he bolts? Will you be able to continue with college? Babysitting? Those are all questions you must answer. You might want to check locally to see if there are organizations such as Planned Parenthood that could help or at least steer you in the right direction to help you and your family out. I think that if you are truly against the idea of abortion, you will always regret any choice other than to have this baby and come to resent the people who may have influenced your decision. This is your choice. Do what you can live with. I wish you the very best of luck and hope that I have helped in any small way.
2007-08-06 04:15:01 · answer #2 · answered by mummy heffalump 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
KEEP IT!!!
If You Want The Baby And Choose To Kill It, You Will Regret It for The REST Of Your Life!!!
My Aunt Went Into A Severe Depression And Was Actually Hospitalized Because She Had An Abortion And Didn't Want To... She Still Regrets It 20 Years Later... I've Also got 5 Friends Who've Had Abortions And 4 Of Them Regret It And Wish They Never Did It.. The Only Reason The Other One Doesn't Regret It Was Because She Was Raped!!
I Think You & Your Boyfriend Will Work It Out!!
Good Luck & Congrats!!
2007-08-06 04:12:44 · answer #3 · answered by Tink's Mommy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Heya! I suggest that if you "desperately want this baby" then keep it! Your the one who's body the little baby is growing inside, and your the one that will have to live with this decision forever, guys don't realize how much it affects the girl since the baby is in you, not him. Sounds like he is just freaking out-almost all guys go through this even when it's a planned pregnancy.
I'm 22 and 18 weeks pregnant with my first. My husband and I tried for 6 months and finally conceived. For the first 3 1/2 months he anted nothing to do with me, or the idea of us having a baby. He just totally freaked out. He said that is was just "weird" that there was a baby inside me, and that he was going to be a dad and that freaked him out. After he was finally able to make it to the appointment and see the ultrasounds and hear the heartbeat (around 16weeks) it was like a 180 degree turn and he is soo excited about it (FINALLY).
Give your boyfriend some time, let him know that you are freaked out a little too. Guys don't realize that they can have more than one feeling at a time, I was super excited but also freaked out, and by reassuring him that I had the same anxieties about having a baby, it helped him realize that he wasn't in it alone (feeling so uneasy about it).
Having a baby is a big deal, and is lifechanging, but I think that babies bring so much joy to any situation.
CONGRATULATIONS to you both. Make a doctors appointment and encourage your boyfriend to join you at all the appointments that he is able, involve him in everything. A book that is useful that I bought my husband is "The Expectant Father" We got it at Barnes & Noble, but you can probly get a used copy online for cheap. It covers all the anxieties etc, and lets him know how most girls are feeling through the whole thing too. It warns him about your hormone changes etc, and prepares him for a lot.
Good luck to you both,,
**HUGS** Toni Lynne
2007-08-06 04:47:56 · answer #4 · answered by tonilynne 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alright, first off, you dont make babies and then keep them just because its convenient for you. And you certainly dont make babies and then destroy them because its all just too scary, boohoo.
That embryo has eyes, a heart beat, and reflexes when poked. Thats alive whether you want to believe it or not.
What concerns me more than anything, is that you seem to only have that childs best interest in mind so long as the father agrees. Parenting doesnt work like that, you fight for, live for, and do all it takes to keep and exicute the best for that child.
Letting yourself be weak enough to let a scared 18 year old boy sway you on matters of life or death for the child growing inside you is just.... wrong. Have some balls.
If all you have to give that baby is life, then do it and put it up for adoption.
Being a mom is scary, but you are not too young. My mom was married at 18, and had a two year old when she was 20. She didnt even finish high school. Now she has a loving husband of 25 years, three kids, and her own business which is currently making more money than she knows what to do with. Its hard work, but so is any life we live.
You need to make some serious choices, but you need to do it with the best interest for the innocent child who has no voice that you made.
I got married when I was 20, and I didnt get pregnant until i was 22, but my husband freaked the HELL OUT and acted like I was the spawn of satan. until the baby came, he's the best father ever. Men are weird when theyre scared. They say things that arent always true.
2007-08-06 04:16:43 · answer #5 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I would say keep the baby, knowing full well he doesn't really want it. But don't marry him (at least while you are pregnant) until you are sure he is in it for the long haul.
Sometimes the scariness of babies doesn't set in right away. It may happen that he does end up running away. Are you willing to be a single mom? If so, you will be very dependent on your family. But since it sounds like they support your decision, I would say go for it. You aren't that young. This is totally doable.
The only other thing you could consider (since abortion is out for you) is adoption. But since you want the baby now, and you haven't even seen it on an ultrasound, or felt a kick let alone given birth and held that baby, I would say you probably aren't the best candidate for that.
Good luck. Talk to your parents. Make sure you have their support and help, and good luck.
2007-08-06 04:10:39 · answer #6 · answered by Katie C 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
WOW that is the story of my first baby all over again! Best decision I ever made!! I kept him. The father is feeling alittle nervous and scared right now but doesn't want to tell you that because he probably feels it would make him less of a man in your eyes. Someone around him may be filling his head with ideas too. Everyone will adjust and though they might not all be happy the first 7-9months when they look into that little soft face all the bad vibes will melt away. Nobody can resist a newborn baby especially grandparents!! :) It will bring back all their memories of you as a baby and for most parents that pssed by al too quickly so this is theirchance to relive those days they miss so much!! It will all be fine. Keep charging on and Remember a piece of advice my sister gave me. Though parenting is hard you have never once seen someone give birth to a baby and bring it back to the hospital and say I don't want it anymore just wasn't what I thought it would be like.
2007-08-06 04:11:24 · answer #7 · answered by sexyafterdark 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Its your body, your choice. If you decide to keep the baby, and it will ruin your relationship, than it wasn't meant to be. He should come around though, sometimes men are just scared at first when they find out that they are going to be responsible for more than just their own self. Especially since you mentioned that he is only 18 years old. He still has a lot of growing up to do, and fun, and things of that sort. BUT, if you want this baby, than you have it! Babies are the most amazing thing, and there are many people in this world who would kill to be able to have a baby, but can't. Even adoption is an option too... I hope that everything works out for the best for you! Good luck!
2007-08-06 04:09:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do what you feel is right. If you want to keep the baby then do it. Especially since he has already said that he will stick by you no matter what you say. Give him some time he is just very scared about the entire situation. More then likely once its time for the baby to be born he will be excited about it.
As far as your familiy, I was 21 when I got pregnant, my family was less then thrilled about my pregnancy too. They will come around I promise. Especially if this is your parents first grandchild. My son is turning one tomorrow & both of my parents spoil him and enjoy him just as much as I do.
Everything will work out ! Good luck.
2007-08-06 04:46:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly if you want this baby then keep it! I cant stress that enough. And not to sound rude but to hell with every one else. They will either learn to live with your decision and accept it (wich they will when they see that little baby!!) Or they can move on. Honestly I do hope your b/f stays with you but will it be that great of loss if he doesnt? I guess what im saying is would you trade your child for your b/f to keep him. He just needs to do some gorwing up, he is probly scared right now. He will get over it or he will leave one or the two, you need to make the best decision for YOU and no one else. If you want the baby and are ready for it and can affort to suport a child then keep it, other wise RATHER than abortion, consider adoption someone out there really wants a baby and you have the power to grant their wish. Good luck with everything.
2007-08-06 04:11:37 · answer #10 · answered by Katy 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like an immature 18 year old "Father". After talking with some friends/family, he was probably advised that he will be legally responsible for the child's welfare even if you two don't stay together. Thems scarry words to a playa.
Raising a child will be difficult, and it won't ruin your life, but it might ruin his if he decided to cut and run. Get some counselling and talk to a few moms who decided to keep the baby, and a few that decided on abortion and a few that decided on adoption. Its a difficult decision and it must be made with eyes wide open. Good Luck to all three of you.
2007-08-06 04:18:18 · answer #11 · answered by davidosterberg1 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋