50% shared parenting, does it work?

Question

My ex and I went to mediation Tuesday to discuss parenting time with our 3 children. The magistrate referred us to mediation because he wanted to maintain parenting time as is (p/u Wednesday @ 7p, d/o Thursday @ 7p, p/u Saturday @ 7p, and d/o Sunday 7p). I am disputing this because I want to have the children every other weekend so that we can have some quality family time. Since I work Monday - Friday, I never get a full day and night with my children. When we got to mediation, he floored me, the first thing he said is that he wants 50% parenting time. My jaw dropped and I couldn't find myself to say anything in my defense. The schedule he suggested was ludicrous, basically, he would have the kids 4 nights/week, 3 weekends out of 4, and he would never be responsible for child care, transporting to and from school (2 different school districts), and he would never have them more than 2 consecutive nights. There are so many things wrong with this scenario!

Answer 1

In my experience with young children it doesnt work very well. Each parent has their own set of rules, and children have a hard time remembering what rules are for what house. My ex lets my children do whatever they want to do when they are at his house, when they come home to me they get mad at me because I have rules. My ex originally wanted 50/50 because then he wouldnt have to pay child support. We went 8 months on the 50/50 custody, but after much documentation from me, and explaining to the judge, my ex gets the children 25% of the time.
No judge wants a divorce to happen, but I strongly agree that most judges put the best interest of the children first. And judges tend to be parents themselves so, I think he will do what is right and best for the children....and your ex will not be granted 3 weekends a month with your children knowing that you work full time as well.

Answer 2

First of all if you going to do the 50% parenting, I believe each party is responsible for everything while they have the child, such as transportation and day care costs. I also think that weekdays and weekends are equally split so each of you have the same opportunities with the children. Being a child of divorce myself, I don't think I would have been happy with an arrangement such as 50% parenting. I believe it's better to have a more stable environment while getting to see the other parent also. Good luck.

Answer 3

I know some people who do 50% shared parenting, but each party should be responsible for child care, transporting the kids to and from school, etc. The schedule my friends are on is: He gets kids Monday, Tuesday, she gets kids Wednesday Thursday, and they alternate Friday/Saturday/Sunday. They are equally responsible for child care and transportation, and agree to swap days or weekends for important reasons (work issues, family events, etc.). I think it works pretty well for them.

What your husband is proposing is not fair.

It is important to be prepared at mediation, and to be able to respond to offers the other side makes.

Good luck to you,

Dana Anderson
(who is becoming a certified family mediator)

Answer 4

You should both try to negotiate this from the perspective of what is best for the kids - not what is most convenient for you. The current schedule you have sounds quite chaotic with suitcase packing just about every night. Maybe longer stays with each of you will allow the kids to get settled a little better instead of living out of suitcases.

Answer 5

My ex and I share joint custody splitting everything 50-50. He has her Mon and Wed, I have her Tues and Thurs. We alternate weekends. My daughter chose this option instead of every other week. It is nice because I get to see her everyday except weekends I dont have her. We are each responsible for getting her to school on our days. I try to make appointments for things on my days just because that way I know it gets done and his schedule can be hectic at work.

I wish you luck in everything. It is difficult trying to sort it all out, but once you do, things will be much better ;)

Answer 6

During my separation with my wife, we simply switched off every week on Friday evening. This was the children could develop a routine and adjust to a different parents set of rules.

Answer 7

My ex and I have an 9 year old daughter. I have her one week and he has her one week, alternates back and forth. We have been doing this since she was 5. She likes it this way, she has said it is great. I live about 35 minutes from her school, so I have longer to drive, however it is worth it, we get the morning time to talk also. I don't know how it will be as she gets older, however for now it is working. It is fair to both parents and it is fair to our daughter who thinks it is great.

Answer 8

well during school they can stay with u during the week and on vacations they can spend half with him then the last half with u.for the summer they can stay with him the first monthe then u the second and 2 weeks of the last month with him and the other with u cuz ur getting ready too back to school.personally i dont think he should get 50% because he doesnt want to be responsible for them and he wants most of the time with them thats not right i mean thats not 50% right

Answer 9

if you have children under the age of 10 then it doesn't work and most districts wont go for it. maybe on a trial basis, but it seems crazy to me. i have 3yr old and my child therapist told me that it is harder for children in 50/50 custody to make friends, they have poor sleeping habits and have higher rates of oppositional defiance disorder. my ex takes our daughter 2 days every week and it is working out great

Answer 10

what he wants is retarded. if he wants 50 % then he should do the transportation part and other stuff. it sounds like he wants more than 50 percent. but here is the thing the standard visitation is 1st 3rd and 5th weekends. with alternating thanksgiving and christmas, you get them on mothers day and him on fathers day. and splitting the birthdays. you probably already know this. my ex and i are doing every other weekend. and if we dont agree then we go back to 1st 3rd and 5th. this probably doesnt help but just letting you know if its not what you want then you dont have to do it.