Help me understand my wife?

Question

My wife is having some self-image problems because of some weight gains and not feeling of value because she decided to be a stay at home mom. Her two siblings were recently promoted (she had been a small bank vice president). She tells me she really cannot enjoy sex that much when she is depressed and when she's not feeling much connection between us because we don't have a lot of quality time. We are on a tight budget, so we do not get out much as a couple. Questions: Is it my job to help with her self-esteem? What can I do to connect with her more?

Our kids are 7 and 10 and she could go back in the work force now, at least part-time if she chose. So is that part of the picture? She's not feeling real motivated to do that either.

She does get out socially some, is active at church, etc. I am sure not perfect and appreciate the advice. I do take the kids away as much as possible, and she really appreciates the down time. She always said she needs alone time (before and after kids were born), so the whole part about connecting is frustrating because he likes time to herself. Delicate balance, I guess.

Answer 1

Continue to let her know that you find her beautiful, attractive and sexy. Do this without it seeming like you are trying to compliment her. Perhaps as she walks by, or when you see her out of the corner of your eye. Grab her and embrace her often. Tell her you love her.

As for the work thing, sit down and have a conversation. Let her know that you understand she misses the success that she once had, and that if she wants to go back full or part-time you support her 100%.

While it is not your "job" to help with her self-esteem, you should do it. You are the one that she leans on... and it is your opinion of her that really matters (to her).

Answer 2

You need to help motivate her back into the work force...she more than likely wants to go back she probably just feels like she has been out of it for so long that it will be hard...give her compliments and make her feel good about herself...its really really hard being an at home mom and it does do things to your self esteem...also push her to go out with her friends and family so that she has a break away from the house the more she gets out the more she will get motivated to do more...i am an at home mom and i dont have the weight gain problem...but i just feel sad and depressed because i am in the house the majority of my time and yes we are on a very tight budget also so its hard to do much...so find cheap or free things to do as a family in your community...and i have one night a week that i go out with friends and it helps alot...just make sure she knows that she is your world and pay alot of attention to her when you are home and let her know you want to spend time with her...the little things are what matter most...give her hugs and kisses and tell her that you love her throughout the time that you are together...the more you make her feel wanted and needed the more she will feel better about herself...and also once you get to that point of being completely depressed and lose your self esteem you dont feel like trying for yourself anymore...just get her out of the house because staying in the house alot will not make it get better...

Answer 3

Sounds like your wife may have a touch of depression. It is your job not to contribute to lessoning her self esteem. I am not certain that you or anyone else can help your wife until she admits she has a problem and becomes willing to address it.
Try walking in the house and saying you look beautiful today. Would you like to take a walk. Fresh air and a touch of sunshine can do wonders for depression and to connect with her. Hold her hand while you take a stroll. Ask her about her feelings. Let her know that you support her going back to work. Tell her that lately she seems a little down and ask if there is asnything you can do. Try to just listen and NOT try to fix the problem. Let her know you love her and that she is more beautiful today then you have ever seen her before. Tell her that you have never loved her more than you do at this very moment.
Try to get her outside of herself and outide of the house. Take the kids to the park and watch them play.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

Sure it's part of your responsibility as her husband to lift her up, to make her feel better. Maybe you can start by reminding her that there is no more important work a woman can do with her life on this earth than to raise children. Those kids are your life, your future, your everything. And SHE is the one who spends all of her time with then, who gives them her love and most important, her influence. You trust her for that because she is a wonderful, strong, caring. loving, intelligent, beautiful woman. It is your job to remind her of that. Often. But, not only is she a mother, she is your mate. It's your job to remind her of what that means too. It's also your job to give her a break from the kids. Take them for a day so she can enjoy herself, rest, visit friends or family, etc. You can give her some time to herself so she has a chance to recharge and feel better.
If going back to work will help her, maybe she should go but it's not the most important thing. If it means the kids will not have you or her around, maybe she could just go part time and get a schedule that allows her OR you, to be with the kids after school, etc. OR, she can continue to care for the kids and you, but YOU have to remind her of just how important that is and how fortunate you are for having her in your life.

Answer 5

Has she thought of doing a weight loss program (Weight watchers) or exercise - swimming, walking (Take the kids to the park and walk around) or maybe running, this would help her with her self image problems.

Does she want to go back into the work force? if she does I hope you will support her. If not, in most towns they are social groups that she could join to volunteer and help in your local community, giving her something of value to do - helping others. This way she will also meet new people in your area as well.

She doesn't have to feel under valved as a stay at home mum, it is one of the hardest job a woman will ever do, but the best thing ever, raising your own kids.

Good luck

Answer 6

being a stay at home mom is more valuable than working in my opinion...I am sure of this...lol...because I am one...anyway...just try to show her how special she is no matter what she does...if she works or if she does not work...but see if she can get a job while the kids are at school...that way she can still be there w/ the kids in the evenings...=) Try to make quality time...put the kids to bed a little earlier...say, a half hour...and sit w/ her outside alone in the evenings...=) Make it a point to touch her every day...hug her every day...eventually she will get over her weight gain and her depression...I don't believe in taking drugs for depression...get her outside more...I am sure that will help! Good Luck!

Answer 7

I believe that anyone cannot enjoy sex when they're extremely feeling sad or depressed... Tell her how lucky you are and that you have always appreciated her noble profession (taking care of the entire family, so to speak); raising the kids well is a real challenge and she deserves to know that she's worth more than a crown jewel. Always reassure her how much you love her. Never stop appreciating her and reassuring her that whatever she hopes to do, you'll be by her side to support and love her. Women can sometimes be weepy. And sometimes we need to hear the words...

Answer 8

Well, it isn't your job in the sense that you can't be blamed for her low self-esteem ... but if you love her, you can certainly help. Quality alone time is a big important part of it ... but you also need to sit down and have some serious talks about what she DOES want to do.

Answer 9

You are not responsible for solely building your wife's self esteem, you are their to support her efforts. She alone needs to make a decision to work on the issues that are making her so unhappy and unmotivated. Talk to her about your concerns and advise her to seek professional help for her problem, also let her know that for her not to help herself is unfair to you and the children. For her only to be at home when she is needed to contribute towards the finances of the home is unfair. You can research on where she can get the help she needs and offer this information to her. The rest is her responsibility to make the effort to get help.

Answer 10

Yes it is your job to help with her self esteem.She needs to get some part time work so she's out meeting new people and getting some confidence back.