We are worthless!
We cause pain!
We are pathetic!
You think… I mean, you REALLY think…
That you can fool people with the false front of yours?
You think they haven’t realised what a monster we are?
You think they can’t see us,
You think they don’t know we are here?
You think they don’t know who we are?
They look at us in disgust!
They look at us like we are worthless…
A waste of space!
We ARE!
We are already causing so much regret,
At such a young age…
We don’t deserve this life.
We should give it up so someone else can have it.
Look around…
They’re staring at us again!
They’ve heard you screaming at us,
“Shut up!” “Go away!” “Be quiet!”
We really are pathetic!
We DESERVE to die!
We are going… No one can hurt us now…
Just us and the knife, the knife that could cure us.
I told you it was a good idea to bring it with us…
I told us it was for our protection…
How gullible we are!
Now end this suffering before we get taken away.
Before we are told we are crazy
2007-08-06 01:52:06 · 9 answers · asked by cos_mic_2k3 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Before we get told we don’t deserve to breathe.
Take us away from this place!
Take us. Our lives, away!
They’re all looking at us!
They don’t bother until now.
Until we have a knife in our hands,
Until they think they are in danger.
End it,
End it NOW!
Leave them…
And their disgusted stares.
Just one movement and it will all be over.
We can be dead, gone. Gone away…
Forever.
We are no good here.
We don’t belong here.
END IT!
“Goodbye cruel world.”
I feel the knife pierce the flesh
And in an instant I am free…
I am gone…
2007-08-06 01:52:30 · update #1
Do not break it up. It pulls you along the path to that secret place where the deed is done without letting go of you for one second. It doesn't matter about grammar, punctuation or any of that stuff. I found myself reading as if I were running beside you trying to keep up to see the last of the story, hoping you wouldn't do it.
If you really feel this way, go get help. We can't loose a poet like you. You have real power in your words.
2007-08-06 10:26:16 · answer #1 · answered by bsharpbflatbnatural 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay Golum, put down the knife...I get it. However, your "rant" could be shortened to a dozen lines and have more impact. Why? Because we all know where you're going...you beat us over the head with it...there was no doubt how it would end. If you want to make more impact, trick us...fool us into believing you "don't" think you're worthless or that you're reconsidering your previous position that you were worthless...then tell us you regret the knife in your belly..."that" might suprise us, but when you go on and on and on for line after tired line...we're "hoping" you'll use the knife...if you know what I mean.
Channel your anger, hatred, psychosis or schizophrenia into tight lines, taught images, and a twist at the end.."that"@! would be poetry. I actually think you could do that...if you tried. What you've written is too easy...it's a rant, and regardless of those who may think it wonderful, I'm afraid they're in the minority. Hate me if you will, but I think you could do a lot better if you tried. Don't let the praise of others blind you to your potential.
keep writing
2007-08-07 17:26:26 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel like this most of the time. I tell everyone who wishes to know me I AM doctor jeckle and mr hyde. I do understand the stares and the feeling like nothing and worthless. I have tried to be free in the worst way a couple of times, but something keeps me here. I AM NOT A STATISTIC! this poem is my every day thoughts.
2007-08-06 12:16:07 · answer #3 · answered by dauthie vinter 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are amazing. This piece of work is better then some so-called "professional" poets. You are an undiscovered giant, 5 out of 5 stars. I am not usually one to flatter like this, but this poem is certainly unique.
2007-08-06 01:57:57 · answer #4 · answered by siopses777 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Again another good emotional piece.
I sense the battle within, you describe it well, the conversation between the person inside and the person outside.
Well done
2007-08-07 07:00:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't much like this one. I felt as if I had to force myself to finish it. Honestly, and I'm not trying to be mean or anything, it just seemed like one long giant stream of a rant. I suggest you chop it up into stanzas and make your ideas more clear, give more details.
2007-08-06 02:05:46 · answer #6 · answered by Infamous Guitar Heroine 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, it is not bad. You spend too much time expressing the malady. We get that life sucks early on. Tell us the cure. Show us the doorway.
2007-08-06 01:57:24 · answer #7 · answered by TD Euwaite? 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like a good one for a psychiatrist or psychologist.
2007-08-06 01:58:18 · answer #8 · answered by scotslad60 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
COOL!! i like it!
it sounds like u got some issues tho!!!
2007-08-06 01:57:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋