Marriage squabbles??!!?

Question

My husband and I have been together 9years married 16mths and have two kids. Lately I find us squabbling over the stupidest things where we just say things for no reason except to get a bite out of the other one. Its not all day everyday but I am so sick of it. Sometimes I just feel like he is being so immature and I want a serious committed husband, not a moody boy.
Did/do you do this sometimes with your hubby/bf? How did you overcome it?
I am mostly happy in our marriage and am not thinking of leaving, but want to move forward. I feel a little plateau'd?

Answer 1

Sometimes we can be harsher to those we love than we would be to someone on the street we don't even know. It has to stop, for the sake of your kids at the very least.

I would talk it over with him and say we are setting horrible examples to the kids (guys will respond better to the 'we' than the 'you' concept). Agree together to really address this issue that has gotten out of hand. Stop the abuse, which is basically what it has gotten down to if you are taking bites out of one another. Work at supporting each other and building each other up not tearing each other down. It's really hard sometimes but it needs to be done.

When I find we are getting caught in this trap, I just say we are doing it again. And talk it over. Often there are underlying things that cause this behavior. It's easier to take bites out of each other than deal with the real issues and underlying problems.

If it doesn't get under control then it will undermine your relationship, teach your kids poor examples of a loving marriage and create horrific problems. Marriage is a two way street and it takes two to tango, two to argue, etc.

Take time out together, go on dates and regularly treat each other right. Focusing on being good to each other is REALLY important and is part of being good parents, good spouses, etc.

Answer 2

Could there be some boredom in the marriage so this way of petty squabbling is an way to get attention or add some spice?

If not, why not schedule an weekend away from the kids and you and he go somewhere out of town, let grandma keep the kids and you discover each other and why you fell in love and married in the first place.

Rhonda

Answer 3

Dear Cindy,
I have always found little squabbles are just a symptom of bigger issues. Whether it big financial, lack of sex, lack of attention, or something. You need to sit down and fiqure out when this started, why it started and if you keep it going without knowing it. You and he need to sit down and talk honestly without poking each other , about how to change things into a more loving and honest relationship. You might be surprised at what you hear. But anger should never be part of an honest conversation.

Answer 4

that sucks. :(
have you tried sitting down to talk to him about it? guys tend to talk more if you don't start out pointing out all the things that annoy you. just let him talk and if he criticizes you don't lash out. try to be cool & calm. it probably isn't the marriage or you, it's probably outside factors that are making you all not get along.
if you can get away for acouple days it might help. everyday life can be stressful so if you have your parents watch the kids or something & you two go off on your own, he may relax & you all can talk it out.
let him know you don't want to leave & that you love him but you just want to get along.
if you are squabbling too maybe you should think about biting your tongue before you say something nasty. let the anger pass before you speak out.
good luck.

Answer 5

If he is acting so immature, you seem to be acting the same way. If your fighting over the stupidest things and say things for no reason except to put each other down, then you're doing it with him.

What are you trying to get out of this? What are you in competition and think you're going to win something? If you're acting like idiots in front of your children, you're teaching them that this is marriage.

Does anybody have any idea that when you're making your spouse feel like a failure, then you're a failure too? That's YOUR spouse. YOU married him/her. Why don't you love him/her and make them feel like you love them with love and respect. You could make a man so happy if you compliment him and make him feel like he made a great choice when he married you!

If you keep attacking each other and making them feel like their failures, you will eventually file for divorce.
Hey, it's your life. You have to live with it.

Answer 6

Put a smile on your face and keep your mouth closed even when you want to land a big one his way. It will be so much nicer and he will eventually do the same. Pretty soon you will REALLY be smiling inside too. I know that doesn't sound like much but it's a start. Sometimes it's hard to break the habit. Good luck

Answer 7

You need to sit down with your hubby and tell him how you feel. Sometimes stress will cause husbands and wives to bicker like that. Your husband or you, or possibly both may be under a lot of stress right now. If you talk about it, you may be able to help each other through it.

Answer 8

You've been with this guy for 9 years. That's long enough to know whether he's committed or not. You're the one who sounds immature. Stop trying to control the man and be a loving wife.

Answer 9

Same exact thing happens with my wife. It drives me to my
limit. I don't understand how she can't see her nuttiness. How
long do I have to endure this. I sometimes think about going
out on her, but, I don't wanna do that. I humped too many
women. This time I'm gonna be true.

Answer 10

Some people are content with having a love/hate relationship. Give it time, your boy will make it into just that.