im 15 What do you think of my poem?

Question

When People say it will seem like nothing next year

When you attempt to right your feelings down onto a blank page. And all you can do is think about that one thing, that one thing that turned into a million little things.

The pale grey colour that is your mixed feelings and not knowing what those feelings are only makes the fear of feeling anything deeper and deeper.

whether it is red with anger, white with sadness , or green with guilt. And the longing to let everyone no your side of the story before that deceiving angelic face opens its mouth and recites words dripping with lies and over dramatic line’s sounding so rehearsed but only you no the truth,

The Deep Emotions’ within your body wind up until they implode, And sleeplessness can onley make your cuts that turn into scars seem so un important.

and all that happens is the big black hole gets bigger and wider sucking in every last emotion and once of energy that you had left to take that deep breath in that made you feel just that much better and all you have to hope that the black hole sucks up every last bit of those emoticons that you are so longing to get rid of

whether you did do something wrong they still top it ,

but those with a face of an angel often turn into a black muddy puddle with the ripples of trouble effecting everyone that hears the story but you no the truth,

all you wish for is that it will all end, all end and go away, for you no running from the black hole will only leave it there waiting for your return, waiting to see what you have become, waiting to judge you with snaring eyes. And a curled lip, But you have no control over what this black hole will do next. All you can do is sit in the dark and wait for it.
Sit and wait………… Alone.

Hmm to adolecent
If you new the things i have been through
you would not of said that
but thats just it lol
you dont no
thankyou for your answer though

Answer 1

I can definitely identify with the emotions in your poem. And by the way, your feelings are your own and they are valid, no matter WHAT your age is. In fact, writing down your feelings is one of the first steps in dealing with them - and that is a mark of maturity. :) I would suggest that you use spell check, and work on possessives, capitalization, and punctuation (in other words grammar and spelling). I know those things seem boring, but grammatical errors can prevent people from immersing themselves completely in a poem. Keep writing - that's the best way to keep improving!

Answer 2

Being 15 doesn't let you off the grammatical hook. You've misspelled "no" (should be "know") three times in your poem and at least once in your comment to another responder...there is "no" excuse for this, especially since you spelled "knowing" correctly at the beginning of the poem! This is not just a "typo", not when you misspell it every time. Emotions was spelled correctly once, and spelled as "emoticons" once...it's "only", not "onley"; you spelled it right, then spelled it wrong. This is called "lazy". I'm sorry, don't get offended, just fix it before you post it next time. You expect us to take the time to review it, so take the time to at least spell check and make sure there are no glaring errors before you post it.

As far as the poem itself goes, your "colours" are off. If you're going to quote colors for emotions, then you need to make sure they are familiar representations. Green is jealousy, not guilt; blue is sadness, not white, etc. It wouldn't matter, but you started quoting them, so it "became" an issue. If you'd said "I was white with sadness"...no problem, or "green with guilt"...again, no problem, because then you'd be putting "your" mark on an emotion...but when you start rattling them off, we assume you're making a reference...and if you were, you simply did it incorrectly. It's easy to fix, I'm just pointing it out so you can fix it.

You cover a lot of ground in your poem and it shows a maturity that is admirable for someone your age. You have potential as a poet, but you need to discipline yourself a little more and take the time to do the simple things...like make sure the words are spelled correctly, used properly, and that you have line breaks so we know when you want us to pause or breathe.

thank you.

Now...keep writing!

Answer 3

Your poem reflects the ugly truths. No matter how pure and clean something is like a mirror remember. Some mirrors lie.

Answer 4

i believe u r an intelligent person yet an adolescent to express this .
very well written

Answer 5

excelent and very nice
i thin u r a nice person

Answer 6

Very entertaining.
The sun also rises.