wondering about my ex-wife's new boyfriend/babysitter?

Question

me and my ex-wife have been divorced for about three years and we have standard joint custody.the courts placed my son living with me(the father),me reciving child support from my ex-wife.my ex-wife works on the weekend and this past weekend it was her weekend to keep my son and in the past i never had to worry about if he was being taken care of while she was working.but i received a phone call from my mother telling me her grandson showed up at her doorstep with a stranger she or i had never met before.turns out the stanger is my ex-wifes new boyfriend and babysitter for my son while she is working on sunday.my son is 7 1/2 years old and requested they go to see his grandmother without any notice,without asking his mother or his father,without using any common sence his babysitter said sure,why not and proceeded to show up at her doorstep.so how should i handle this bewteen me and my ex-wife??.what else have my son requested that his babysitter fulfilled for my son??

Answer 1

talk to your ex and explain what happened maybe she is not aware of what is going on while she is at work

Answer 2

Of course you're concerned. But the only person who can help is your ex-wife.

Call her up and ask if you can talk to her in person. Tell her in calm, rational way that you understand her new BF is babysitting while she is at work, and you are uncomfortable with the idea of a man you don't know having unsupervised time alone with your son. Ask her for the guy's name, address, and social security number so that you can BOTH do a background check and make sure he isn't a convicted pedophile.

I can't think of any reasonable mother who would object to that, provided you ask her calmly.

If she objects, you'll have to go to court to see if you can get your child's visitation changed.

And sadly, keep in mind that even if his background check is clean, you still have to keep a watchful eye out for any signs that your son is troubled. There are a lot of pedophiles who haven't been caught yet.

Answer 3

Omg calm down.. ok fine, maybe he should of asked permission before leaving the house, with your child, but i think your freaking out alittle to much. Your x wife obviously trusts this guy or i doubt she'd leave ur son in his care, and remember although u have residential custody of ur son, while ur son is with her on her visits she can make the decisions on who to leave ur child with , on her weekends. I think this guy isnt so bad. think about it for a moment, HOW MANY new bf/gfs would even agree to go over to see the x's parents , I think he's trying to show that he wants to show good faith and doing whats best for ur son, even if maybe he didnt handle it the right way, because most new bf/gf wouldnt of done what he did as far as go to the x's anything for a visit..You can set up rules with ur x wife IF she's willing to work with u on it, if not then theres not much really u can do cause she can leave ur child in anyones care that she wants on her weekend with out ur permission and as long as your son isnt being harmed in anyway theres nothing u can do, bf or not.. I wonder if u would be so upset if the babysitter was a woman instead of a man..

But if i were u , id talk to ur x and explain ur concerns and ask to meet with her and her new bf so that u can atleast get aquainted with him if he is going to be watching ur son on her weekends, that way u can make ur own impressions of him, and let him know how u feel about certain things, and give him emergency numbers ect while ur x is at work, etc.. just like u would any other babysitter.. but try and get to know him alittle.. its better that u and him try to get along, that way u have more leverage instead of if u get pissy , then it will only make her and him pissy, and they will draw away from u and u will be further out of the loop on her weekends and thats not what u want, u want alittle more control and well like the saying " you catch more bee's with honey then u do with vinegar" so handle this appropriately.. so u can conquer the situation.. think before actting..

Answer 4

Your son was obviously uncomfortable with this new guy...and probably not the creepy kind of uncomfortable, either.But, just to be safe, ask your son if anything out of the ordinary happened.
Tell your ex, that any changes...b/f, new pet, new car,new hair cut, etc. should all be brought to your attention, prior to her visitation weekend...especially while he's still growing up.
Since you have primary custody, if she balks at any suggestion to make your son more comfortable....the courts would probably rule in your favor for an amendment to the custody decree.

Answer 5

Texting lets you control the tone and establish what kind of conversation you want to have. Learn here https://tr.im/yJuWL
This is probably the most important part. With texting, you can stop and think about what you want to say to your ex at each step of the way. Instead of reacting emotionally, you can take your time, figure out the right thing to say (I’ll give you most of it), and be strategic with your ex without saying something that you’ll regret.

Answer 6

When he's with your ex, he is her responsibility. Hopefully, the boyfriend called her and got her permission. Did you ask her? It sounds like this guy is okay to me. You are very right to be concerned. Maybe when your ex has to work on her weekends with your son you could keep him and make visitation with mom another time. The parents need to talk.

Answer 7

You need to talk to your ex,let her know that you dont want your son to be baby sitted by her new dick.If she has to work then some other arrangement has to be made.Women have a habbit of when they get new dick, they lose their minds and make poor decisions.Good luck!

Answer 8

you have to have proof. whether it be the child talking to the judge or something. its always what is watned. i mean hey sounds like she isn't caring too much huh? there are many mothers outthere like that be careful

Answer 9

Tell him that he has no right and that he needs to consult you and your ex. I would talk to the courts and get rid of this guy.

Answer 10

I really dont see the problem here. For real!!