i dont feel attracted to my wife?

Question

i have been married 4 years, but i've noticed that i'm not as attracted to my wife as i used to be. i find myself fantasizing about other women. what do i do?

Answer 1

Try some honest self evaluation. What is the root cause of your lost attraction with your wife. Is it just that seeing her every day has taken the magic away. Is it that life, work, kids, etc. has come between the two of you? Now that your married, has your wife let herself go physically?

All of these problems have solutions but they involve communicating with your wife and actively working to make it better. Maybe you just need to mix things up a bit. Take a class together, have a regular date night, take a weekend get away from time to time.

If the problem has to do with your wife's physical appearance, try working more activity into your life. You don't have to say it's because she's letting herself go, you could say it's because you're feeling lazy and you would be more motivated if she joined you.

Also ask yourself this "are these other women I'm fantasizing about better than my wife or are you just fantasizing about them because they are not your wife".

If all else fails, seek counseling - either as a couple or on your own. You've invested so much into your relationship, you should be willing to try almost anything to save it.

I would also recommend getting a subscription to Men's Health. They usually have several articles about relationships that can help you understand your wife more and she may even look at some of the articles and that could open up discussion about things that are causing strain in your relationship.

Answer 2

Hey I think it's awesome that you're honest and no one should criticize you for it. I don't blame you for not feeling attracted to someone after a few years down the line but that doesn't mean you should get up and go cheat on her either.

Try to find things you guys used to do that sparked the excitement in your relationship. Try something new with your wife, surprise her with something spontaneous. Don't give up on your marriage unless you feel that it's impossible to fix. And whatever you do, don't be as$ hole and cheat, be man enough to tell her that you're just not that into her.

Answer 3

Why do you not feel attracted? Are you bored? Do you need to "spice" things up in the bedroom? We all have issues, when dealing with the same thing over and over. Please do not beat yourself up. Think about it, if you had a hamburger everyday for lunch for 4 years, pretty soon you would want something different. Talk to her, ask her about her fantasies. Obviously you still love her, or you would not have asked this question. Think back to the things about her that made you fall in love w/her. Do you have kids? Are they a major drain on the time she has to take care of herself? Get a sitter and go get massages together. Flirt w/her. You can bring back some spark.
Good luck

Answer 4

Restoring Your Relationship

If you are in a bad marriage, the answer is not to dissolve the relationship, but it is to restore your relationship. Stick through the hard times and work on the tough issues. Here are suggestions that will help during your journey to reconciliation:

First, look at yourself. No one is perfect (Romans 3:10). It's easy to see the mistakes and annoyances that our spouses have. It's much harder to look inward and identify the ways we contributed to the problems. Think through your marriage and seek the areas where you said or did something wrong. Then ask forgiveness from your spouse. You will be amazed how this small step could eventually turn your bad marriage into a good one.

Second, identify your real enemy. Be reminded that our spouses are not the enemy—Satan is. One of his greatest weapons is to trick you into blaming someone else, usually your spouse, for problems. When you start to bicker and quarrel, remember that your true enemy is the one who seeks to destroy your marriage.

Third, meditate on God's Word daily. The proper way to battle Satan is with the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God (Ephesians 6:17). You won't know how to use a sword if you've never handled one. The same is true for God's Word—you won't know how to wield its power if you don't read and study. When Satan attacks, the Word of God will give you wisdom and the power to withstand his fiery darts.

Fourth, appreciate your spouse. Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Perhaps you've forgotten that your spouse has good qualities. At once time you were attracted to him or her in some way. What were those things that made you fall in love? Once you've thought of something, verbalize it or put it in a letter. You'll be amazed at what a kind word can do for your relationship.

Fifth, pray for your spouse. It's difficult to harbor bitterness against someone when you're praying for that person. The more you pray, the more God will change your heart, and you will see a dramatic difference in your attitude. If possible, begin praying together. In his book Two Hearts Praying as One, Dennis Rainey says, "When you pray together, you multiply your joys, divide your sorrows, add to your experiences with God together, and help subtract your haunting past from your life."

Finally, take action to restore your marriage. What makes a marriage good is hard work and a resolve to stay married. No matter how easy it seems for other people, no marriage can work automatically. Don't let Satan fool you into thinking that no one else experiences problems or that yours aren't solvable. If you remove divorce as an option, you'll find that there are ways to build into your relationship.

There's no secret formula to dealing with a difficult marriage. Just because you are suffering now, don't give up on the blessing that God is using to mold you and your spouse into His image. It may not seem like a good marriage at this time, but wait and see what God has in store for you … I'm willing to bet you'll be glad you did.

Answer 5

Has she changed much in 4 years or is it that you are just tired and want something new?

If you fantasize and compare her to other women...that is not good. How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot?

Answer 6

Marriage counseling; individual therapy; put more energy into your marriage. The longer we are married the harder we have to work at keeping it fresh. Marriage needs to be nurtured, just like anything else you care about. The newness and the excitement wear off and reality sets in. Be respectful of your marriage and keep it alive. Be creative in wooing your wife.

Answer 7

It happens, it is fixable however.

I think it could be because things have become "Routine" in the bedroom. Try spicing things up.

Talk about your feelings to your wife and get some honest communication going about ways to mix it up. Explore some fantasies.

Good Luck

Answer 8

It sounds to me like you are missing some PASSION in your marriage. You feel like you are not attracted to your wife as much anymore because the passion is not there. Those feelings of "I can't wait to see her" or "I can't wait to kiss her and touch her".

The attractiveness towards your wife should include EVERYTHING about her. Not just how she looks. It should include all her traits. Take a few minutes and think to yourself WHY you married her in the first place....Think of ALL the things that attracted you to her.

Good luck to you

:)

Answer 9

well in the beginning theres lust, cant keep hands of each other then thers living together, wow a differnt thing, you see them every day they dont make a effort like they used to, becomes boring routine, like the man say marraige,
thing is what do you do now, are you close with her as shes your best mate as well as wife? can you set aside a night a week for dressing up, wild sex trying something new? can you go out one night a week to talk honestly about your feelings? if you can imagine her making love to another mn and feel nothing then maybe its over

Answer 10

Why did u marry her in the 1st place? U should marry someone that ur always gonna be attracted to.