having doubts about this marriage?

Question

I am about to get married to someone I have been seeing for a year. Most of the relationship has been over the internet and phone, although we have spent several weeks together. I really care about him but its not wild crazy love like my first relationship...... I am also scared about leaving home an going to a new country since it takes me a while to make friends..... w

Is it normal to have doubts just before you get married? I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing. But I think its important to get married and its not like we fight or are completely mismatched..... just that sometimes the whole thing seems like too much of an effort...

Answer 1

It sounds like you have more doubts than it's worth taking the risk....if you like him very much...spend much more time with him ...like about a year more than you have already..then decide to get married.....if your older relationship felt better, then let this one go.....and stay single....

Answer 2

It's easy to see that you are embracing this project with open arms and a willing heart. Your enthusiasm is amazing. Your heart is so much into the relationship you are considering it "too much of an effort". Hey, check out the statistics. Over 63% of first-time marriages, in ALL WESTERN COUNTRIES end in divorce. So for a marriage to work, the parties really have to work at it and even then, the odds are against them. Are you entering this relationship with the two of you making every effort to make it work...and work well? Are you "taking the plunge" with eyes wide open, with full knowledge of the consequences, and a complete readiness to move up to your own reward? If so , keep moving. If you don't feel quite this way, ask yourself why.

Answer 3

since you feel so over whelmed about this whole thing, its better to wait for some more time before you take the plunge. I suggest you wait, give yourself and the relationship some more time. Marraige is a very big decision of life and you need to be sure of what you are doing. Being a little nervous before marriage is fine but one cannot be unsure of the decision. Its the question of your and your partner's life, hence it will be better if you wait and get your feelings and mind clear of what you wana really do and how do u feel about this person and whether you are really wanting to spend your life with him/her. Marrying is important but then you need to be sure and not get into matrimony with doubts. Waiting for sometime will not hurt anyone any more than it would if you get married and then realise that you made a mistake. Please take some time and think about your feelings and your relationship with this person before you go ahead with the marraige. Giving some time is better than having problems for your future. Life is not worth giving it up like this.

Answer 4

Yeah, going to a different country & marrying someone that you have only spent a couple weeks with is a good reason to have doubts as well as feeling overwhelmed. Seems like quite natural feeling to me. I'd say you would not be normal if you didn't have doubts.

Answer 5

I think you need to take a step back. You have said yourself that in the year you have been "together" you have very rarely met up, and most dating was done by phone and email.

Relationships need time to flourish and grow, and while its fun starting a romance off the internet and on the phone, its simply not real. your not going through the normal day to day ups and downs of a one to one relationship. by all means carry on dating this guy, but pospone the wedding and really get to know each other face to face a bit more.

Answer 6

There's only so much contact over the internet. You guys should really spend a lot more time (like months or years) together before you decide to get married. If you are really willing to spend the rest of your lives together, why rush it?

Answer 7

No, do not do it. Take a break. Long distance love is hard. You really need to know this person. A few weeks is not enough. My bro in law is doing the same thing. he is in the Army, met a girl in Second Life, asked her to marry him went to see her for 2 weeks. Now, she is still clubbing and he is sick with jelousy. Wants out of the army and wants to go to her. They don't even know each other. Please, stop and think hard on this one.

Answer 8

if you have only spent a few weeks together and you have to move to another country where you don't know anyone then i think it's a bad idea!no wonder you are overwhelmed!you need to get to know this person better and in person

Answer 9

Don't go through with it. You don't know him well enough. Especially since you would have to leave your country, very scary!! If you're not crazy about him or the idea of marriage and leaving your country, then don't. This sounds too scary and risky to me.

Answer 10

If you're not *sure* you want to marry him, then now's not the time to marry him. Marriage should be for keeps, and there should be no doubts. Nervousness and excitement, sure, but not doubts.