I am married with 5 children and two are mine and three are his... I haven't spoken with another adult that is not related to my husband in four monthes! Am I crazy or is this controlling or do alot of wifes do the same?
2007-08-05 19:23:55 · 15 answers · asked by Kathrine B 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Any of my girlfriend who I have meet through college and all my previous friends he yells and calls them names (me too) or he says they are skanks and I need to pick a higher caliber of friends. I personally think that I could be best friends with J-Lo and he would complain and yell at me when I mention they called or I stopped by their place!
By the way I know he is controlling but I don't know why? And I am 30 !
2007-08-06 01:22:51 · update #1
If he it bothers him for you to speak to other adults, then that's insanely controlling. If that just happens to be your choice, well, then you can't blame him for it. Personally, it would drive me insane to live like that.
Edited to add: Oh yeah, something is definitely not right there. Having arguements about one or two people is still within the realm of normal, but throwing a fit about any of your friends contacting you is way over the top.
I think it has jealousy and fear written all over it. He doesn't want your friends to influence you - he wants to control you. That he calls them skanks suggests to me that he thinks maybe they'll suggest you don't need to be faithful to him or that you should leave him and check out the other fish in the sea. This isn't about whether you are mature enough to make your own choices of friends at 30; it's all about him. Maybe deep down he isn't confident that he's good enough to keep you unless he can somehow prevent you from comparing him to other guys, and he's afraid that if you talk to your girlfriends, you'll hear about their husbands and boyfriends and start thinking you could do better.
2007-08-05 19:28:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say this is normal. I am assuming all children are in your home? If this is the case, you are a busy mom. do you work? If so then you are a really busy mom, if not well obviously you don't have time to make friendships very often good enough to call them your friend. If you want to know if he is controlling you tell him you need time just for your self no kids or anything and that you just want to get out of the house for a couple of hours to go shopping or do a quiet lunch. If he says no, then I guess that answers your question if he says okay or anything positive then you will know he isn't. Say it to him like you would like to plan a time when he can be with the kids. Not like you want to do it right now at this moment. This is apparently a question you would be asking him that is out of the blue, so don't be surprised if he is shocked and wonders why. But if he isn't controlling he will say okay he might question you about it but he will be okay with it. Need to talk more just message me.
2007-08-05 19:31:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is crazy, why having you spoke at least with the women in your family, and yes it is controlling that all the adults you talk to are in his family, maybe he is afraid that some other person that not any kind to him will try and influence your mind. Because he really don't want you to have any friends, he want to keep you close to his family and that enough friends for you so he thinks.
2007-08-05 19:31:19 · answer #3 · answered by I am women 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is precisely why I joined a special interest group. I found that the only people I had to talk to were my insane in-laws that rarely tell the truth anyway. I found a group that shared my interests and parenting style and joined. Now I have three other women friends that I can talk to or vent to and several other acquaintences that invite me to special events. Join a group that interests you.
2007-08-05 19:46:31 · answer #4 · answered by baxter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is controlling if he has an issue with you talking to anyone outside the fam and monitiors who you have contact with...If you choose not to talk to anyone outside of the fam because of what he "might" say then its not control, its just you being over precautious! Either way, you need friends outside of your fam just to be able to spout off too whenever their is an issue and you can't go to your family...good luck
2007-08-05 20:17:37 · answer #5 · answered by Lil_MissVal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's not normal or healthy. Not a good thing at all and it is early signs of abuse.
simply talk to your husband and express your feelings, take it from their, so that you know where he stands in this, and if he yells at you, run and never look back.
2007-08-05 19:27:32 · answer #6 · answered by Me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why have you not spoken to any other adults? Because of you, or because of your husband? If it's because of your husband, you need to be aware that one of the primary methods of abuse is to first keep the victim isolated from his/her own friends and family.
This is completely unhealthy--you and your husband need counseling--asap!
2007-08-05 19:48:24 · answer #7 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is because he does not want you to then YES it is very very controlling and not normal. If I were you I would get out of this ''relationship"
2007-08-05 19:27:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a little too crazy. Tell him to lay off a bit
2007-08-05 19:27:10 · answer #9 · answered by showtimegk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself Why you haven't spoke with any other adults...
And there is your answer.
Break the pattern...pick up the phone....its in your hands.
Be your own voice...
best wishes
2007-08-05 19:28:26 · answer #10 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋