married 6yrs and still have to ask for sex everytime i say i need it twice a wk. and nothing for mos. why?

Question

Hes older but with a little help things can be great. sexy night gowns mean nothing. i can be nude and cant get the attention i need from my own husband. my thoughts are to look elsewhere. i dont know how much of this i can stand. im so lonely for affection it burns my heart deeply.I really enjoy sex so much and i always have. Weve known each other for 17 yrs. i need attention and companionship is a divorce the best thing because i feel i must get on with my life. HELP

Answer 1

Ok, you've already learned that just being naked is not enough to get him excited. This is simply because after 6 yrs he has seen your naked body so many times that he's become used to it (It's nothing new and exciting to see it anymore). It's not that he doesn't find you attractive or sexy or anything like that.

Now the other thing is your telling him you need sex twice a week. Basically you've made it a requirement, something he HAS to do for you. Making sex an expectation as you have done is the fastest way to make a man go limp and become uninterested.

Now i'm not sure how your relationship is outside of your physcal relationship. But i can tell you right now, a lot of times women will push thier man away without knowing it, just by being needy, which you just might be doing considering how desperate you are for affection.

Now if you want to get your man interested again, your going to have to be really coy and inventive. My own wife actually had to learn this and it has really helped. For example, I'll crawl into bed and be laying on my back. She will lay on her side next to me and facing me. She'll begin talking to me about anything but sex, and very innocently start moving her hand around my chest as she talks. Eventually as we converse she'll get a little lower, and maybe even accidently brush her hand against it. Then after she figures she's put enough time in, she'll say goodnight. Turn off the light and roll over on her side and TRY to go to sleep. Inevitably she's got me thinking about sex, and i start testing the water by touching her and making some moves on her. She'll moan a little bit and say something like, "Your not interested". Well, usually about then I'll start making bolder moves, and she'll seem to be getting into it and things happen.... But what she's really done is gotten my mind on sex, and then made it seem like sex was my idea, and allowed me to think i talked her in to it.

You really can't be direct with guys, we want to feel like it's our idea and that we're talking you into giving it up. Just be a bit inventive and sneaky and i am sure that you will find many ways to get him interested.

Now, i'm sure you don't want just sex, but probably desire some hand holding and cuddling, and that sort of thing. Your going to have to communicate with him, i mean really communicate and learn to understand how he thinks, words are often decieving so you will probably have to dig deep and learn to really resolve problems. Instead of just getting him to agree to whatever you think is fair. Once he starts feeling as if things are getting resolved, he will feel like he's not being pushed away so much... Which will eventually lead to him seeking out you out, for kisses and stuff like that.

I wouldn't suggest a divorce or cheating just because you want sex and are feeling a little lonely. Be proactive in your relationship and try to really understand where he is coming from when he talks, don't just accept what he says understand it. And let him know you understand it, and then make him understand your point. Most guys are usually pretty fair with thier women, it usually just becomes a matter of not completely understanding what thier women really want.

Answer 2

I hadn't had sex, and intimacy in 46+ years and that's how long we have been married. Back in our dating days there were no talk about sex and espicially having kids. When we dated we didn't even pet just the casual kissing and holding hands. After we were married there was talk of sex and your married life going forward. My husband moved forward about a day, and then he told me he hated sex and what it was all about, to him it was disgusting, vile and way to much work for so little. He didn't understand what the big deal about sex was all about, he couldn't believe that a human could do some thing so nasty to another human. He said he wasn't interested in sex ever again. So he decided to fix this nasty problem was for him to move to our basement and also start working the midnight shift. I complained but he told me to leave him alone and don't bother him again. I tried going back home but my parents didn't want me back home , my little brother was more important to them. All my friends were married and didn't want me around, so I stayed and made the best of the situation. Years wore on I never really found a good job where I could go out on my own. Money was always tight !!!I I became very hostile toward men and life in general, and I'm in my 60's and just don't care any more about any thing.

Answer 3

divorce is not worth for you at this moment since your husband is only taking a break. Find things that make him stimulated and have desire to have sex. The best thing to do without him knowing is feeding him with vitamin food only. You can suggest he take Viagra but since you want satisfaction without telling him, do the natural cooking with vitamin food. Then light work out and at the end of the day you will get what you want. I guarantee you that and you will love. Vitamin help in smooth flow of blood through out the body including a mans private area. This smooth flow will increase stamina and veins around his private area that makes him to desire for sex.

Answer 4

I cannot say that divorce is the best thing, because divorcing someone over the lack of sex seems harsh if you love him and appreciate him in other ways.

I can say, however, that cheating is not ever ok. Dishonesty is wrong, and breaking your marriage vows is also wrong.

I'd like to suggest marriage counseling first - usually, lack of intimacy is related to something deeper that neither of you are fully aware of, so counseling can help bring it to the surface so it can be solved.

Answer 5

Have you told him these things?

I would say seek help from a family therapist, if that does not work... you may have to move on. Life is too short to be so unhappy.

Answer 6

I think the relationship has "seen better days" sounds like it is now stale and needs you to go your separate ways, hang in there and you will always be miserable, move on and in the long term you will be soooooo glad you did, my answer is brief but to the point, I know only too well that this works.......hope this helps

Answer 7

Why don't you try talking out the problem? Sex isn't the problem, it's a symptom. Seek therapy.

Answer 8

If you haven't already, tell him how it makes you feel when he turns you down or when you try to get his attention and he just ignores you, if he doesn't care that it hurts your feelings id say leave him, you deserve someone who love you and respects you and who cares about what you want.

Answer 9

its hard when things like that happen, i dont know how old he is but im in my 50s and you dont have to ask me,more like ask me to slow down, maybe he needs a check up, talk to him and ask him if something is wrong. good luck

Answer 10

i dont think sex should get between you and him.
Just talk to him and tell him how u feel. Let him kno u want him to show you that he still thinks ur sexy.

just get into a deep convo about it