do yaw think I could use this for a church youth presentation?

Question

Why, Why, Why? Why I ask to myself? Why does it fill like I'm by myself? Like it is just me here all by my little self. Why? Why would you think that I fill all alone? It's because most of the time when I turn around, all I see are these hideous frowns! Frowns that are so harsh, frowns that make me think that I do not belong. But why? I do belong here on this planet! Because my heart is as big as the Titanic! I am filled with so much love, love given to me from above. But I give it back, I am so sore from this war that I go through everyday and I ask God why? Why me? Then he answered me. But then he asked me a question. He asked me why? Why do I go through this everyday? Billions of prairs every single day! After all I gve to yaw! I mean I gave my son for all of yaw's sins! But if you want to know why, than ask him! He'll tell you that he loved us so much that he would give his son for all of our sins in Jesus name I pray amen. I got off my knees and set on my bed, raised up my head

Answer 1

Is this rap? If God doesn't strike you down for this negative lack of faith public confession, I hope yo momma does. You are giving more glory to your self than God. You need to read your Bible before you do any more writing for Youth presentation. God isn't into negativity. Ask God to show you and create in you His joyful poetry/rap. Dis ain't o' the Lord, Dude.

Answer 2

I must assume that I'm one of "yaw". To answer your question, "yes", you could use it...but I would not recommend you do so.

If you're preparing something for a church youth presentation, then let me give you some free advice (which is worth everything you paid for it): when you write a poem, respect the words as you would respect your teacher, you parents, your pastor or priest. That means you don't call your parents by their first names, nor your teacher "yo babe". By the same token, especially when you write poetry, give every word its due. I suspect "yaw" means "all of you", so why not just say that? Is conservation of internet ink so important? If you have the time to sit down and create a poem, don't you think it worth your time, and your reader's time, to read the words as they were meant to be written? If your name were Robert, would you want people giving you an award to "verbart" or "rbrt"? No, so don't use "yaw" unless you're speaking a language other than English.

As far as your "poem" goes, it's a bit repetitive. I don't mean the "why, why, why" at the beginning, that might actually work under the right circumstances. But you continue with line after line of the same thing. It might not be obvious to you because in addition to not taking the time to run a spell checker, you also didn't think it important to use line breaks. Not using line breaks is like not breathing between sentences when you speak. I can hear the music in what you're trying to say, but you lose it because you don't let the line breaks show the pauses as you intended. Use them, that's why they exist. Also, don't cheapen your poem with cheap rhyme. This isn't a rap, this is supposed to be your art, your chance to say what's on your mind in a profound way...not try to sound like smack. Could this work as a rap song...I don't know, I'm not really into rap, but this is not a rap post and you were asking if you should use this for a church youth presentation. Those of us reading this do not live where you live, do not hang out with those you hang out with, so we may not be the right people to make a judgment on what you should or should not present to your peers. All we can tell you is what we think...and what we seem to agree on is that your "poem" is not yet good enough...but that is only our perspective. Do yourself at least this favor: put in the line breaks, do the spell check and correct things like "prair" (it's supposed to be prayer), and use actual words instead of "yaw". If you want to be treated like a literate person, then write like one. Once you're famous, you can say whatever you want, however you want. Until you get the street creds, you'll need to at least pay homage to the words that put your images into the heads of others. I hear your message, I think it's a good one, but I think you can say it simpler and in a more concise manner, so try again and don't try to be artistic, just be real.

Answer 3

Well, first of all you should click on the "Check Spelling" Icon in the top right hand corner. And then write a question that doesn't sound like a "PITY PARTY"...If you have so much Love for GOD, then how can you possibly feel this bad? Go talk with your Pastor, you need a lot of Guidance!

Answer 4

ok ur not alone never God is always with you. And thoses frowns maybe they need u 2 make them happy u should make them happy. You cacth a man a fish u feed him 4 a day u teach a man how 2 fish u feed em 4 a life time.

Answer 5

i like it. but it would have been better if you took out all of the "yaw" 's

Answer 6

i would not use this as a church youth presentation.
it's just not good. in fact, it's bad. really bad.