We have been married for 1 year, and it's almost a sexless marriage. I dont kno why we have this problem cos, we both love each other very much and really want to make each other happy.
My husband has a stressful job, and is tired all the time and does not seem to want sex at all and even if he is not tired he's not possible to get aroused.
And I cant seem to enjoy sex, because I keep thinking I HAVE to enjoy it. So we both have problems that we need to sort out.
My husband does not feel comfortable talking to a counsellor.
We decided to give it a try starting from today - how do I make this more enjoyable for both? and I want him to want sex and not just do it for the sake of it.
How do I excite him? any advice/tips?
I would like to try massage therapy...where can I find information on this ( on the net)
and how do I relax during sex?
Thank you sooo much
2007-08-05 18:50:52 · 14 answers · asked by sapphire_wisdom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
calm down for a little bit.
relax.
don't pressure for, or demand sex. thats a turn off. serious turn off. makes you want to get away turn off. no nagging. nagging will make the thing shrink.
be cartain you are attractive, clean and made up.
be sweet and kind.
don't drop any heavy hints.
buy a big oversize pajama. use it to dress and undress. do not let him see you in the birthday suit.
when you undress do it privately or in the pajama. don't let him see you in the birthday suit.
sooner or later he is going to start to become curious about whats under there. when he does, let him have his way.
just let him have it his way.
let him know he has done a fine job even if its not true. boost his ego. let him know he really has your number and you appreciate.
he is now going to want to get you going. he will want to hear more.
form this point on, you can begin to play with pogo stick. be gentle with it, its not a crow bar. that stick should come to life. let him have it his way. you are training him.
tell him how great he is. when he does things that you like, compliment him, and gently ask for more. don't demand.
keep up this program until you have him perfectly programed.
remember the pogo stick is not like the engine in your car. it sometimes needs special treatment. after you have treated it you will pretty much have control.
don' t demand, don't nagg.
train him and the pogo stick to take advantage of what you have.
good luck.
be kind and sweet
gently let him perform and take it. keep on boosting the ego. tell him he is becoming a real bull etc. keep on training him and the pogo stick.
2007-08-05 19:22:43 · answer #1 · answered by ramni222 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all a really stressful job, can take a toll on your sex life. Next, you guys need to talk about how the lack of sex makes you feel. Not to put pressure on him, he has enough of that at work. Also try going out on a date, rekindle the courtship. Find out what he like sexually & try it out. Be open to some unconventional things in the event it comes up. Don’t laugh, judge or be condescending, just go with it. Try a new & sexy perfume. Try a new & sexy outfit. Try preparing his favorite meal. Massage his shoulders & feet. The massage does not need to be a sensual one, just get the stress & kinks out. Make it a point if at all possible to take showers together, then wash his back, neck, etc. and let him wash you as well. Being in the shower you are already half way there, but try not to pressure him.
2007-08-05 19:08:28 · answer #2 · answered by Flying_James 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your married and your not relaxed when having sex with your husband? At least you recognize that you have a problem. Are u comfortable with your body? Are you comfortable being naked around eachother? Its basic but you need to start at square 1. What exactly is the problem???? this question isnt detailed you need to ask your therapist about it how could anyone suggest an answer without knowing more about the two of you. This is a complicated issue your having and it cant be answered in a second on yahoo
2007-08-05 18:57:57 · answer #3 · answered by topofnewyork4 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay this is what i would suggest. without bugging for sex if he's too tired or not in the mood. ware something sexy, do your hair, make up then think about him and masturbate say his name and have fun by your self and see if he joins you. if he don't that okay you still had fun and now you could try plan B, C, and so on. A massage could work too, and having the lights dim and some relaxing music in the backround could help too, and some oils I like the smell of tanning oil or baby oil.
2007-08-05 19:06:12 · answer #4 · answered by bayarealatino925 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of worrying about sex be more loving and romantic.Send love letters , text notes ,send e-mails ,make romance dinner at home, have candles lite, wear his favorite color, take a long bubble bath together , a hot show together ,go to the drive in movies have a picnic go shopping and tire on any thing he wants you to, redecorate your bedroom together & Date each other . Remember stress can be relieved by making love this has been scienetficly proven.
2007-08-05 19:22:48 · answer #5 · answered by noteworthy5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Low desire can be caused by psychological problems or lack of testosterone. You should give him an ever so slight a hint that he needs to do better than that to keep you around. Its a shame he doesnt understand that!
2007-08-05 18:59:41 · answer #6 · answered by Ronnie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1 year and its already cursed? Wow...this gives a new meaning to the marriage curse. Can you say drive thru marriage curse?
2007-08-05 18:59:48 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might want to get checked out. Testiclular cancer or prostrate problems can cause this problem.
2007-08-05 18:55:43 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've only been married 1 year and having this problem, either he has a mistress, or has turned gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!! seriously!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 YEAR IS STILL CONSIDERED THE HONEYMOON!!!
2007-08-05 18:57:09 · answer #9 · answered by john s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look there having sex sexsexsex haha u just gotta be naughty and b.j the penis........ go buy some victoria secret longerie ;]]
he'll get horny
youll get happy
**problemsolved**
bo-ner time in texas
2007-08-05 18:56:53 · answer #10 · answered by KKay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋