my 17 year old bestfriend found out shes pregnant. her and her boyfriend decided that she should get an abortion. she told me if she could keep it she would. but she knows that having a baby this young could make life really hard. i know now more then ever she could really use support, but i dont know what to think or feel. i use to be pro-choice towards abortion. but knowing deep down she wants to keep the baby. well, it confuses me and is distancing me from her. i want to be there for her through all of this. but, i'm not sure what to do to put my feelings aside, because i can't sort through them.
2007-08-05 18:08:58 · 13 answers · asked by _existential 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
To start with, I'll be upfront, I'm completely pro-life.
Yes, a baby is an incredibly burden, but an abortion is worse. I've heard so many horror stories about abortions. Not only is it a horrible ordeal physically for the woman to go through, but psychologically too. Your friend will have to live the rest of her long life with the weight that she murdered an innocent child. That's too much for many women to bear.
If she honestly cannot raise the child herself, consider putting it up for adoption. She'll save the life that she's responsible for, but without having to have support and raise the child herself.
2007-08-05 18:13:56 · answer #1 · answered by Takkuso 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her abortion or "open adoption.
The horrors of keeping the baby are: You haven't finished school, don't have an apartment, a dead-end job(?) that pays enough to support the two of you, pay the doctor bills, baby diapers, clothes, formula, baby carriers and crib, toys, food, utilities, you'll be so darn tired you can't stand it, the baby will ALWAYS be FIRST for the next 18 years and YOU will ALWAYS be LAST.
To have an unexpected baby just to have someone to love is not enough. You know this.
You have to abort or do "open adoption".
And there are plenty of good counselors around to help with the "mourning" you will need to go through during this time period.
Good luck.
2007-08-09 03:54:20 · answer #2 · answered by Tina Goody-Two-Shoes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, boyfriend is a selfish ****ole. He helped her into this situation and now he wants to scar her even further and murder his child. She needs to listen to her instincts, and she is right, she is very very young to have a baby, but people do it all of the time and adoption is the best option if she isn't ready. There is open adoption available, so she can keep in touch with her child, or at least know how the baby is doing. You, as a friend, need to realize that she doesn't want to abort the baby. She needs support in either a. Keeping the baby or B. Giving it up for adoption. Don't help her looser boyfriend push her into a decision that she will regret and can scar her physically and emotionally.
2007-08-06 01:14:44 · answer #3 · answered by The Nag 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her. If you feel that she is unsure about having the abortion, help her through it. I really feel inclined to tell you to NOT let her do it. My friend had an abortion after she caught her bf cheating on her the night she would tell him about her pregnancy. She felt it would be too much to handle for many reasons, being too young one of them. But man did she REGRET it. I can see how it has scarred her. It's a terrible trauma, very hard to live with.
On the other hand I had another two friends who also got pregnant at a young age.. and yes, it was hard but they are happy. They too considered abortion but are very glad they decided against it. Those babies have proven to be their motivation. They both work and go to school and lead joyous lives.
I know, it's hard for you as well. But she needs you right now. It's a huge life decision to be made. Don't let her go through it alone. Take it as a learning experience for yourself as well. Wishing the best for the new life.
2007-08-06 01:34:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gees... this one is probably going to hit a cord with the liberals, but let me say this...
I use to ALWAYS BE PRO CHOICE... I always said, "It's up to the Mother..." And in truth, it is up to the Mother, but ... I don't know anymore about this pro choice thing....
Why?
Well, I had my 1st ultrasound last Thursday @ 8.5 weeks pregnant, and I heard mini-me' heart beat of 164 beats a minute (wow, that is one fast heartbeat). And this is when I was like "Wow, this little thing is alive inside of me!"
And to think I could choose an abortion if I wanted to would mean me killing him or her, and I have to think if you have a beating heart then you must feel pain, and I just would hate to think I would do this to my mini me.
Be there for your friend, but I bet this is what she is going through so support her on keeping the baby. I bet she will be a great Mother. Even young ladies can be great mothers. Happened all of the time centuries ago.
2007-08-06 01:28:02 · answer #5 · answered by BMD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her know you're there for her, and that if she decides to have the baby, you'll support her 100%. Make sure she knows she doesn't have to have an abortion just because she feels like she "should" have one. Encourage her - go with her to Planned Parenthood to talk about options.
It is time to put away your previous political beliefs. This is a special real-world situation with your best friend, and that's all that matters.
2007-08-06 01:12:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
people make mistakes, especially at young ages. at this point in her life she should really weigh the advantages vs. disadvantages of having the child so young. if she feels that she can't provide the child with the necessary things, she could also consider adoption. newborn babies are a rarity amongst the adoption world, and someone who can not have children would see that child as a joy. your friend needs you right now. talk to her about her options, and let her know you are there for her. its time to put your feelings aside for a minute and be a friend to her, even if you don't agree.
2007-08-06 01:15:52 · answer #7 · answered by sr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is making a terribly difficult decision that only she can make. You're a good person to be so sensitive and right to question your feelings about matters like this, but this is not your life -- it's hers. One important thing to remember is that no matter what you feel would be right for you, you should not project judgement on her. She does need your support and friendship and most of all, she does NOT need any additional guilt. It's hard enough to make this kind of decision without feeling like you're being judged by your friends.
2007-08-06 01:15:31 · answer #8 · answered by bikerpjb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was in this same situtation with my friend not to long ago, i just had to sit back and watch her go through with it (not the actually procedure part) now the closer i get to my due date the more and more horrible she feels. She says there are some nights where she just wishes and wishes and WISHES she had never done it, that it is an unbearable pain and she hates herself for doing it. Tell your friend that she needs to really and i mean REALLY think it through before going through with it. For all she knows this baby could be a blessing in disguise. For her sake and the baby's i hope she really thinks this through.
2007-08-06 01:14:47 · answer #9 · answered by sugarplumfaerie52686 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are experiencing normal feelings...you know she doesn't want the abortion...maybe she needs someone to tell her she doesn't have to do it...suggest adoption. There are several options available to her, try to be supportive b/c you're right, she does need that...I hope you can sort this out! Best of luck to you and your friend.
2007-08-06 01:13:24 · answer #10 · answered by Renee B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋