How do you tell your parents you are engaged?

Question

We have known eachother (and been friends) for a full year and out of that we have been dating for seven months. I know if I were to tell my parents now they would not go for it at all. We have decided to wait about a year longer to tell them (and to see if we are truly compatable in that sense) but I can't come up with a decent way to tell them so they won't be super upset. I am pretty sure they will accept it (over a couple of weeks after telling them) but I want to do it in a way so that it is respectful and will cause them and us as little pain as possible. Any suggestions? Thank you!

Answer 1

FIRST ARE YOU OVER 18.
YOU CAN TAKE THEM TO DINNERAND JUST BE HONEST LET THEM KNOW..

Answer 2

You're an adult right? So, who cares what your parents think? Yea, they might be a bit of a pain and may even make a few rude comments to you about your choice, but you don't have to live your life by their standards anymore.

My fiance and I have been engaged for over a year now. An engagement doesn't mean that you have to rush into marriage within the next few months. Having a long engagement is just fine, especially if you're too busy to bother yourself with a wedding right now. Too many couples get engaged and then rush into marriage without really thinking about it.

If you and your partner are waiting for another year or so to start planning a wedding and telling people, then good. There's aboslutely nothing wrong with waiting to see if you're compatible (in fact, that makes you quite sensible not immature). An engagement is not set in stone, unless you make it that way, like marriage is supposed to be.

Now, back to what I was getting at with the parents. There's a little thing that many people discover as soon as they turn 18 or when they move out of their parents homes. You're in control of the parent/child relationship now. Your mother and father know that you don't need them anymore and know full well that you have the ability to cut them off, disown them, move 2000 miles away or simply refuse to talk to them for months on end. Of course, your parents have spent years raising you and dreaming of you becoming a successful adult and cutting them off would devestate them. Parents are very needy people. Adult children who realize this very simple fact of parental desperation to keep the offspring around can then get away with a lot more. So your mother and father don't like your fiance or don't want you to get married just yet, they'll make rude comments or give unsolicitated advice, but if you get too angry or threaten to leave them to get old and die alone, oooh, the picture will change. They can only say so much...you're in control now. (of course, use the threatening only sparingly in order to keep the peace and be someone they want around. It's better to simply allow them to have this idea than to out right threaten them or cause drama...let it be an underlying fear that they have, not a major trauma) This is what it is meant by be an adult and live your own life.

Tell them however you like. When you're over at their house, on the phone or even through email or instant messenger. If you don't want to deal with upset parents, do it over the phone or in an email. This way they'll have time to think about it and get over their initial shock that their baby is not longer their baby, hopefully, thus realizing the fragile nature of the adult-parent relationship and surrending control.

Disclaimer: Of course, some parents simply do not want their children and the adult child can threaten to leave and will leave without an ounce of control. These types of parents can rot and your better off without them.

Answer 3

My answer is a question!!! Why would they be hurt or in pain? If you can already see where they're headed emotionally, what about your engagement is not optimum? Are you too young? Is there some issue with the intended groom? As a mother of three, I would want to know regardless of how I might feel about it. You should tell your parents what is going in your life. The truth with set you free.

Answer 4

most parent are very happy that their children become engaged. i wonder if there is more to the story???... perhaps you can have your parent just meet your intendant and get a feel for what they think. most like meeting a friend of their children. after a few family dinners or outings see how they all get along especially if it is important that they accept your future spouse. your parent will probably ask you about the relationship if you bring the friend around alot and they will be willing to give their advice or approval.

Answer 5

if it were me, I would have done it differently, but what's done is done. invite them out to a nice resturaunt, enjoy a nice dinner, and then over dessert, mention that you are now engaged. (they probably won't make a scene in a nice resturaunt, and it will give them time to sink in.) give them a couple of days, then drop in to talk to them. tell them any plans you have, like you're waiting a year to make the announcement. do not leave them out of this loop. tell them now, and ensure them that it will be a long engagement before you run down the aisle. telling them now what you have in mind will allay any fears that they may have. it will show them you have respect for them, and you want them to be the first to know. also, it will show them how mature the two of you are for wanting to wait another year to announce it. if they have anything to say, sit and listen calmly. you don't have to agree, just give them the respect of listening. they may have very real concerns for you, or they may want to fill you in on what to expect. be honest with them, and tell them as soon as possible. you don't have to like their response, and you don't have to agree to their pleas not to marry your intended. they know that. just tell them, and listen to what they have to say.... good luck!

Answer 6

do purely it! Like pulling a bandaid off. while my fiance proposed, i grew to become into fearful of telling my mom and dad. My fiance lives in England and is 5 years older. I had purely graduated college and desperate to stay in England with him. for sure, I had lots going against me and grew to become into terrified to tell my mom. i got here across the least confusing thank you to do it, grew to become into to be trouble-free from the begining. I noted as my mom the night of my engagement and broke the information. No she wasnt overjoyed yet she smiled and congratulated me on the grounds that grew to become into the ingredient to do. Now, 6 months later, she loves my fiance and the two her and my dad are great supportive. purely get it executed with! it somewhat is going to be ok. Your mom and dad love you and till your like sixteen or something, I cant think of why they does not be overjoyed for there little woman!

Answer 7

The best way to show respect to anybody, especially to your parents is to be open and honest with them. If you are an adult, who is old enough to make the decision to marry, then you are also adult enough to be gentle with your parents feelings and be honest in what you are doing.

Answer 8

so you get engaged and then decide that is the time to see if you are compatible? Um, yeah I think your parents probably realize their daughter is too immature to be committing to marriage, therefore their not going for it is completely justified...you hung yourself and ruined any argument you would have with them or anyone else in your question here...

Answer 9

Hey, I really admire you. But you are not supposed to hide it with your parents just tell them & be frank in that coz if you are compatiable with each other parents will take necessary steps. Don't ever hide anything Just be opened.

Answer 10

Just be open and honest, if you two are able to support yourselves and are responsible adults there isn't much they can say. Just let them know you would love to share your happy news with them, take them out to dinner to celebrate.

Answer 11

Thats NOT too soon. These ppl are douches. There is NO time limit on love! Ppl keep coming up w/ new marriage rules everyday there is NO formula!