Real question please be respectful of feelings?

Question

Please not this question is of my 1st one because it seems everyone want to push the blame on my husbands part!
My husband is not to blame here so don't try and start something!
My 1st question was this: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070805020538AABgCZl

My husband is really hurt by my actions, I had the affair 10 years ago and for no other reason then I felt I was entitled to it, it was selfish and cruel to him!

He's taking it really bad to the point that when I tried to talk to him he told me to leave or I'll end up in hospital!
Our marriage has been hard but a good one, and although we have no children now I thought we might have them in near future, now this!

Any Ideas on how to save our marriage my husband calling me a slut and wont talk to me!

The O/mans wife told him and showed proof of affair that occurred 10 years ago why is she made now!

Both of them are going at it in REVENGE, against us why now?
Should I wait it out, and forgive this?

Answer 1

Sounds like he's really furious, and more importantly..hurt. Give him some time to heal from the blow. Suggest marraige counseling, beg for forgiveness a million times, and just let him be for awhile. If he doesn't want to work things out in the end, there isn't anything you can do. It's a shame that a mistake 10 years ago is destroying everything now, but hopefully you've learned something, and will become a better person in the long run.

Answer 2

Honey, Here is the reality: YOu can't change the past. He is hurt, and, angry. He is threatening you. It is never ok for a man to threaten to abuse his wife. I can tell how guilty you feel by the way that you are taking responsibility for this, and, you should take responsibility for it. But, you have to look at this situation from where it stands right now: You may be in danger of physical harm if you go near him. you have things that you NEED to tell him. I would write him a letter, mail it to him (don't take it- he may try and prove a point and rip it up), and, then, I would pray. There is nothing more that you can do. Make peace with the fact that you made a mistake, and, take whatever comes at you with grace. If he doesn't want to be with you, you can't make him. Please remember, though, Honey, that there was something that made you cheat. There was a time when you really weren't happy, and, he is threatening you with physical harm. Go to court. Hold your head high, dear. We all make mistakes. All you can do is apologize and ask for forgiveness, but, if he can't get past it, you need to let go. Consider it a lesson learned and don't make the same mistake in your next relationship. Stop beating yourself up over this! Good luck!

Answer 3

Real answer...

You need to pack your things and move out. You destroyed his trust in you - and there really is nothing you can do to get that back - he has to be the one to want to trust you again - and it doesn't sound as if he is willing to do that.

Maybe a physical separation would do some good - so again, I would suggest you move out and give him some space and time to contemplate all of this...

You made the decision 10 years ago to have the affair...and although delayed, your husband has every right to feel as he does. I don't agree with threats of the hospital - but again, this would be a good reason for you to move out now.

In a month or so, he may change his mind...he may not...but again, you made a choice 10 years ago - now he gets to make his choice...

Answer 4

If you truly love him then you will fight for him. He is not ready to speak to you now about this but I do think that you need to approach him about counseling before any papers are signed.

Now, this did happen 10 years ago and that would still hurt. I know if I found out my hubby of 10 yrs had an affair ( I don't care when) it would kill me. I totally understand how he is feeling right now and you must too, you need to give him his space.

If he truly loves you then it will all work out and he will in time be able to forgive you but NEVER forget the hurt you caused.

I think that you just need to ask him if he would attend a counseling session with you before he makes a set decision on the divorce. A good marriage is always worth saving.

If my hubby did cheat on me I think I love him enough to try to work it out even though the pain would be horrible. I would in time begin to forgive him but I would never be able to forget though and that is what counseling could help with.

Answer 5

Sweetheart, let's be honest with each other: you betrayed him by cheating and he didn't even find out from you. At that point, it is entirely up to him if he wants to try and mend the marriage. You have injured him deeply and he has made it clear he can't recover from that. And you know just as well as I do that you can't blame him. Going out on your spouse breaks a sacred bond and brings everything into question for the spouse who was cheated on. It's called "cheated" because the spouse who goes out on the other "cheats" them of the ultimate gifts in marriage: their body, faithful love and fidelity.

*Your problem is not that he's made it clear it's over but that you have not accepted it.*

You need to give him space. He's made it clear it's over and that is his right in this situation. What you need to do now is learn from your mistake, forgive yourself, and move on. I'm sorry that it is happening this way, I really am, but you need to face his decision and accept it.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

I hate to tell you this but he is going through a natural process the person he loves and trusts most betrayed him. That is hard for anyone but more so for men. If you are lucky he will want to talk but you can not and sorry but don't have the right to try to force it. Write him a letter (mail it) atleast then he has the choice to read it or not. Hopefully by you giving him his space and letting him know how you feel you will have a chance. When you write the letter you need to focus on him, his feelings not yours it is not about you anymore it is about making him feel good and confident again. Try to give him his pride back if you can.

Answer 7

Why did you think you were entitled to a free f*ck outside of your marriage to a guy you say is wonderful? If he is threatning to hurt you if you dont leave, you should leave. He is very hurt and needs his space. You betrayed him in the worst way and should atleast give him what he wants now, which is some time alone to think. If you dont give him that much, then you are being selfish yet again and you may find yourself in the ER....in the bed you made.

Answer 8

I think you were very selfish and cruel. How can you betray someone who trusts and loves you. I don't blame him if he never gets over it, if it was 10 years ago or yesterday. How would you feel??? Probably the same way as he is.

Answer 9

let him go if you force him to get back with you your life will be hell it would be in his mind a favor he is doing for you and he would resent you and bring it up every time you disagree on anything if you ever get back together it has to be a mutual thing in that he wants you just as much as you want him if not be prepared to be treted like his slave for as long as your together its only hard for the first month afterwards your life will be better trust me if he really loved you he would have forgived you from the start his love is not really that strong for you GOOD LUCK HOPE YOU DO THE RIGHT THING

Answer 10

You wont save your marriage. There is no trust left..And yes...your husband threaten to put you in the hospital. That isn't a good sign of a good man!