my best friend keeps saying she wants to lose her virginity?

Question

my best friend leah really wants to lose her virginity within the next three months, she hasn't had very good luck with boys. she had a long distance relationship with a boy in texas (we live in california) and had a crush on my ex boyfriend. she has a group of four friends, two are virgins two arent, i'm one of those two. she has't even really made out with a boy yet and i think she wants to just do it because it will make her feel grown up, so many teenagers throw it away so soon like me how can i get her to change her mind?

Answer 1

she probably wants to measure up to you or make herself feel like somebody wants her body if she doesn't feel attractive enough. its probably because shes feeling self concious. protect her from making a mistake too early.

Answer 2

In a perfect world, she would keep her virginity until she met someone she was passionately in love with and they got married, had kids and lived happily ever after. Sex is great in a committed, responsible relationship.

It is not a perfect world. If a girl grows up believing that her virginity is not precious, that she can not be in a meaningful relationship or that she has not really got choices and has to 'rid' herself of her virginity as soon as possible, then, sadly, I do not think you will be able to change her mind.

So, try tell her how you feel then support her whatever her decision. It is not the end of the world if she loses her virginity on a one night stand. As long as she has lots of sense and contraception (including condoms) and is prepared for any consequences. Then you can always help her afterwards with dealing with her emotions. It is not a big deal if she acts responsibly. Just sad that she does not value herself enough.

Answer 3

Well, it depends on her age really. I assume that she is only around 13-15. You might point out the possibilities of unwanted pregnancies, disease, etc.

This is a normal part of growing up, and everyone is curious about this. She just needs to realize that she does not have to lose her virginity in order to be attractive to boys. You might tell her that boys may manipulate her, to make her feel this way.

Just be sure also though that you do not communicate that sex is something dirty. And please please don't do the old just "wait till you are married" blah, blah, blah. That is ridiculous in this day and time, and some people choose not to marry. So what are they supposed to do? Never have sex? Ha, yea right.

Religious nuts will give you the old but God.... blah, blah, blah, but this will do her no good at all. And most of these people have a warped and unhealthy view of sex anyway, and will just pass on to her, their unheathy view of sex.

Stick to the facts, and if she has made her mind up, then encourage her to make sure birth control, a condom, etc. is used.

Now, if she is of legal age, then you need to probably just keep quiet, as she is old enough to make her own decision on this.

Answer 4

It is very common to see this in younger people. They just want to have sex to feel grown-up (as you said) and/or because they have these urges (which is normal during your teenage years).

I would try to be a good friend and encourage her to save sex for someone special. In either case, if she's THAT inclined to do it, she's going to do it sadly. But don't take her word for it... you say she's had bad luck with boys? She's never even made out with one? My bet is that she's just all talk, no walk. I'm sure that she'll get super scared if she ever got in the position to have sex with a guy. It's a huge thing! She'll realize that if she even gets close (I hope). Anyway, you can't just walk up to a guy and say, "Hey. Let's do it." I doubt she's going to do that... so just hope that she has some brains in her head and keep guiding her in any way you can.

Answer 5

I suggest you have a little chat w/ her to give her words of wisdom but in a cool way....friend to friend. Say what you think but don't overpower the conversation...let her say her points. Having sex is something you have to be ready for...physically and emotionally and at different ages for different people it is the right time. And if she decides to have sex make sure she doesn't do it with a guy she recently met and has the guy wear protection. No glove no love baby!

Answer 6

Yeah I agree with you hun, a lot of girls think they're big **** when they lose their virginity or think they have to because everyone else is doing it and they'll think your scared because they had sex and you didn't...lots of peer pressure out there... but its the most precious thing they can give to someone and they should not waste it on a guy who just wants sex anyway and leaves you. You should keep encouraging her that she wants to want until she truly loves someone before losing it. She may regret it if she just goes out there and boinks anyone. You don't want a reputation like that. Not to mention getting pregnant or getting Diseases too. If she's horny she can masturbate nothing wrong with it. You don't have to have sex in order to make a guy like you or stay with a guy and if he tells you he loves you most of is bullshit anyway, they're only saying it to get into your pants sooner. She'll know when someone truly loves her and then she can lose her virginity if she wants but wasting on anyone is not right!!

Answer 7

your friend seems to have some issues. i don't think a person who valued themselves or had a good measure of self esteem would become obsessed with losing her virginity.

you could let your friend know that she might want to wait until she meets someone special, because it might feel like a big mistake to her if she does it with just anyone.

i'm sure she knows the consequences of sex, but you could gently remind her that it's an emotional experience, one which is better with someone who means someone to us.... some girls a riddled with guilt after they have casual sex as a first-time experience.

also, if she's not financially equipped to become pregnant and raise a child, or get treatment for STD's, then she's not ready.

i hope she takes your advice if you give it and i hope you get good answers here.

Answer 8

tell her to wait until she's in love and has the ROQ around her finger its not worth it to lose your virginity right now
[How many people that lost their virginity are still with the same person] not a lot!!

and most likely shell get an STD ...or end up pregnant

Answer 9

unfortunately she is at that age that many teenagers get to... they get this idea into their head and no matter what anybody says - it's not going to stop them.
sex is something that should happen between 2 people who truly love each other. you want it to be meaningful.
but sex can also be dangerous... STDs can make you sick or can be deadly if left untreated. sex is how people make babies... is your friend ready for a baby? is she ready to give up going out whenever she wants to? is she ready to devote all her time and money to a little one? is she ready to have a helpless, innocent creature compeltely depend on her? something tells me she is not!

having sex doesn't make you cool. in fact - not having sex makes you way more cool than having sex does. i mean, think about it. if you say no... you are protecting yourself. if you say no... you are standing up for yourself and what you want. if you say no... you are commanding respect from a guy - you tell him that he can't do whatever he wants to you whenever he wants. if you make him wait... you know that he is not using you - you know the guy is dating you because he cares.

everything i have mentioned are things you can say to her... but unfortunately some people have to learn for themselves. put in your effort... and let her make her own decision. be there as a friend to listen to her and support her no matter what she decides.

Answer 10

I don't know that you can change her mind...but do at least remind her what she's risking if she does it:

pregnancy
STDs (some incurable)
emotional issues
bad reputation

Encourage her to at least be smart if she's going to do it...get on birth control and make sure he wears a condom...at least then she'd be protecting herself from 2 of the 4 items I mentioned...

Answer 11

So, my pal/weigh down, James, used to circulate out with my pal, Mia, and that they broke up for some unknown reason. She's moved to Sydney this is 12 hours faraway from us and she or he texted him and reported she needs to circulate out with him lower back. He asked me and my different pals what he could say and we advised him and he messaged her lower back. on the 2d day, she texted him and reported some thing like, 'you may in simple terms say no you already know'. So James reported no and she or he asked lower back. He reported no lower back and she or he hasnt spoke back considering that. interior the college trip journeys in April Mia is arising and she or he advised my pal final week that when she comes up she needs to have intercourse with James. Mia isnt a virgin yet James is. He doesnt prefer to lose his virginity to her. i actually like James and a few of my pals think of he likes me. Do you think of, if we ever circulate out, that he will prefer his first time with a virgin (like me) or somebody who isnt (Mia)? And what could you do, first time with virgin or un-virgin?