HELP!!!!! What do I do?????

Question

My husband is deployed. My husbands BEST friend has been on the verge of divorce for awhile and my husband and I were helping him deal with it before my husband left. since my husband's not here to help, he has continued to talk to me about it. My husband asked me to be there for his friend while we was gone. This man is very close to us. He called (drunk)and said that he had to get something off his chest. He says that me and him are both going through very bad time and we have helped each other out alot. Which is true. Now he wants to know if we can help each other out in "other ways". Like sex. No relationship just sex. I WILL NOT CHEAT ON MY HUSBAND! This is his best friend!! Do I tell my husband? I dont want to ruin their friendship, they've been friends since they were kids. I told him NO, but he said we would talk about it again after i've had time to think. I will not do this! How can i say no and not lose the friendships that are there? This is his best friend!! What do i do?

Answer 1

Wow, this is sensitive. Good for you in getting some feedback on this because it can really ruin the marriage. Here is what I would do... I would get a digital recorder and learn how to work it where it would last 30 minutes without needing you to touch it. Call him and tell him you'll talk about his suggestion further at a Starbucks or someplace else public (REFUSE to discuss it further by phone). Arrive early. Bring a small purse, have it open with the recorder set to run when you see him pull up and place the purse close to you on the edge of the table. Then with him sober, ask him if he remembers what he asked you because you're willing to discuss it. Let him ask, or apologize for being drunk, then tell him where you stand on cheating on your husband. At that point, I would also let him know that it is no longer possible for you to be friends. Walk away and do not worry about it.

Keep the recording and think whether you should let your husband know when he returns, or just keep it. Maybe they will drift apart, and it won't be necessary to tell. Maybe, he'll later try to start trouble, then you will have the evidence that you have been faithful. But, I would not ever see him again after this meeting. Another idea is to have a friend (who he does not know) sit in another table at the place while you talk. It gives you another witness. By the way, the friend does not have to know why.

I guess I am concerned about the possibility the man may freak out if he believes you will tell your husband. He may think this when you back away and behave differently (which you should). Then he may say that you initiated the flirtation or even claim that you had sex! He would count on his "lifelong friendship" against your husband's ability to trust you while he's away. There are stories of military wives who cheat, and it can mess with a guy's head. To me, it's better to be shrewd and cover yourself than to take chances. This person is certainly NO FRIEND to you or your husband. Take care and stay away from him after you decide how to handle it.
Dr. P

Answer 2

Sounds like the best thing for you to do is to STOP being his confident, STOP talking to him. He has crossed the line and is NO longer a friend of your marriage. He is asking you to betray your husband just so he can boost his ego.

Unfortunately, talking about intimate, personal problems has lead him to believe that there is more to your interest in him than there is.

No way around this. Remaining a 'friend' to this man is a threat to the marriage. This other man has already crossed the line and is NO longer a 'friend', but a threat to your marriage. He is far from a 'friend' to your husband, even to you, as he is putting you in a position to have lots of pain.

Tell him loud and clear that you will absolutely NOT consider this, and that you are finished being his person to lean on, to talk to. Tell him to find a counselor to talk about his own problems and his marriage.

Answer 3

Cut all communication with this man and tell your husband.
I don't think he's much of a friend to your husband and secondly, I would be concerned that if you keep it quiet... you could be accused of complicity when you are actually innocent.... One more thing... your husband may not respond the way you expect. Once you tell him.. you must respect his way of dealing with it... he could laugh at his dumb friend or he could end the relationship.. THAT part will be in HIS hands.

Answer 4

I think you should tell your husband. If he truly is your husband's best friend he wouldn't put you in this position. Your husband may find out at some point and will be angry at your for not saying anything.

Answer 5

I think you should let your husband know. He should be made aware of what his so called best friend is up to. Why are you trying to protect their friendship when he cross the line.

Answer 6

If it were me, I would wait until the guy is sober, make an appoitment to meet him and tell him how out of line he was for saying that. I would tell him that sex is out of the question and also say that if he even breathes the word again you will tell your husband.

Answer 7

I wouldn't tell my husband that until he was safe back at home. He has enough on his mind just staying alive right now. I would tell him when he came home.

Answer 8

your husband is your best friend, this guy isn't, tell your husband

Answer 9

I'd tell him that you mean it when you say no and if he persists threaten to tell your husband.

Answer 10

Tell him exactly waht you told us here.

The answer is a resounding no, not today, not tomorrow, not ever...

Let him sober up and tell him you expect an apology...