Limerick contest - Ten points for the funniest or most clever?

Question

Y'all know what a limerick is, I hope. First, second and fifth lines rhyme, and the third and fourth rhyme differently. Your limericks can be suggestive, but let's try and keep them as clean as possible. Here's my example:

Two gamblers named Tony and Gino
met a gal as they left the casino.
They took turns with Myrtle,
who was willing and fertile
So the bets on -- Who sired her bambino?

Hey, you guys can do better. Let's see your creativity in the making!

Answer 1

I woke up in the morning alone
smelling a strangers cologne
theres a note on the dresser
it says love Sylvester
and an autographed shot of Stallone

Nothing like a little homoerotic action star limerick.

Answer 2

There once was a girl named lou
who wrote 4 words on her shoe
everytime she walked by
she always caught a guys eye
because her words were look at my boobs

oh there once was a beautiful girl
to the movies she went with a whirl
it was scary in there
but she didnt care
because she went with a big fury squirrel

The big cat wore a hat with a rat
The big rat beat the cat with a bat
Then along came two dogs
Being followed by frogs
Then one frog shot the cat in the back

Well there once was a kid name of Bo
Then he started to eat yellow snow
He doesn't feel good
No why do you think he should?
Because his friend peed there>
:]
i used to do limericks in preschool and in elementary for fun because the teachers were all so boring

Answer 3

I had a cat named Bony
He looked like fat Tony
He ate all the time
He knew how to rhyme
Unlike his owner Rony

People call me a geek
Just because I am a freak
Some say I smell like a french fry
Then I start to cry
And then they call me weak

( i know they are a little weird but that is all i can do since i am 9)

Answer 4

i once had some really fast cars
so my friends and i went to the bars
we sat and got drunk
threw a guy in the trunk
and we all went home and looked up at the stars

there once was a girl named tony
she was so full of bologna
she worked on the street
because she was a freak
the guys found out that he was a phony

once a girl covered herself in honey
she was offered a lot of money
she was a whore
but she was not a bore
because she was a playboy bunny

hope thats good enough for 10 points.

Answer 5

Shuckins! I had to hide that racy example from Granny Crabtree.

Here's mine:

"The once was a little blue moley
That on its head tried to spin-oley
It turned round and round
But quick hit the ground
'Coz its big butt was out of control-ey!"

Answer 6

There was an young sailor named Bates
Who danced the Fandango on skates
but a fall on his cutlass
rendered him nutless
and practically useless on dates

Answer 7

There once was a bird who was British
who's tummy was always quite squittish.
One day she farted,
was propelled and departed
and was last seen flying over Mauritius

Answer 8

ok here goes please give 10 points

Two cats named pat and mat

saw some cat food and started to chat

owner comes by and says this is my- food

(one line looks 2 lines long but i out - marks to tell where its actually 1 line)

matt and pat didnt want to be rude

so they smashed owner with a baseball bat

Answer 9

um..... there once was a man named Gweto
he went to meet a man named Tito
they picked up Meowsickles
they found some more moosickles
and lastly they ate Wheat Toes! lol

Answer 10

The Encino Blonde Limerick

A sweet valley girl so alluring
Was so "OH MY GOD!" and "FER SURE!"-ing
When we went for a walk
She let out such a squwak,
That it left me with nightmares recurring!