Separated for 2 MONTHS!! UMM... I'm sooo confused, we flirt but then what?? HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

I've been separated from my husband for 2 months now. At the beginning I couldn't accept it and would try to get him back but nothing worked. He would say he would file for the divorce and never did. Then I just acted tough and at one point he would call to "check up" on me. He even dedicated a song to me and called drunk at 4am. I would show no emotion. Then we would jus argue about nothing, and now I just got vulnerable and told him how I feel that I want him back and don't want the divorce. Point is that he said he's confused, doesn't know if he wants the divorce and now we're friends, we get along pretty well and we even flirt! It's killing me because it's like he still doesn't know what he wants. He says that if it were up to him we'd be together but that I haven't changed so I believe that our friendsip will show him that I have. He says he's scared that we won't work out agan. But then he says he's happier w/o but then again that he misses and loves me. Will we get back?!

We both have a myspace account and he flirt with me there. He even put a pic and says "here thinking of someone she knows who she is" and he told me it was me. He gets jealous over the guys on my pg.

neither of us are in a relationship. I would appreciate a little respect and serious advice please.

6 yrs together in total, dated for 4 yrs 2 yrs married, and no children. Im 20 and he's 27. He currently lost he's job and is living w/ he's sister. We've been in touch lately also.

Answer 1

As Dr. Shirley would say, "It is time to tinkle or get off the pot!" He needs to make up his mind and come home or leave you alone so you can move on. If you continue this and he still leaves, then you have wasted 2 or 3 years waiting for something to happen that never does. Love means little when it is not returned or abused.

Answer 2

If I'm reading this right you started "dating" when you were 14 and he was 21. If that is truly the case I'd suggest to get out NOW while you can! You sound more mature than he does despite the huge age difference. It is sad that you lost your childhood with this guy. The positives you point to are a song he dedicated to you, flirting, him calling drunk at 4am and him checking up on you. Believe me, this is not the stuff a marriage is made of. Maybe, if you had had any experience dating, especially as an adult, you would know that, but since you were denied those experiences it must be very difficult. You don't say what he is expecting you to change but that after 6 years with each other he needs you to do so or will leave the marriage speaks volumes about his character and integrity. I'd suggest you get yourself a life, meet new people, learn more about yourself and only then think about what kind of person you are looking for in a husband. Chalk this up to experience and move on.

Answer 3

He just wants to know that he still has control over you. He checks up on you to see what you will do when he calls. He flirts with you to get the validation that you still care. He doesn't sound like he truly wants you back. And why should you be the one making all the changes? He said he doesn't believe you have changed...seperation is never only one person's fault. He needs to make some changes also. Don't believe everything a drunk person says, they get in their emotions and feel things more intensely than they would any other time. I would move on and file the divorce papers to wake him up. If reconciling is truly what he wants, he will step up and make his intentions clear. He hasn't filed yet because he wants to have you there waiting in case he gets tired of being alone. I personally think you would be better without him, as you still have so much life in front of you. If the papers don't get him to get off the fence, you will at least be free to get into another relationship with no strings from your marriage hanging around to haunt you.

Answer 4

well, you don't say how old you are, or how long you have been together. this might have helped. so, first, we'll assume you're a relatively young couple, recently married within the last 2 years. you both went into this with rose colored glasses. you thought love is all that it takes to make a marriage work. you hit a rough spot, and he said he needs a break. let me guess, he's confused, he doesn't want to have to answer to someone every day, he wants to be friends, blah, blah, blah. well, if this is the case, then he needs to decide what is important to him, and you need to push him to make this decision. you need to tell him, either buck up, be a man, decide that you want to be my husband or get out of my life...

if you're not so young, it could be a midlife crisis. something has him running scared, and it's probably the fact that he's getting to an age that scares him. (and no, it's not always about a mistress!) he's not as young as he used to be, there are things going on in his life that makes it feel out of control, and this is putting a strain on the marriage, as far as he is concerned. but the advice remains the same. tell him he needs to sh*t or get off the pot. either he wants to be with you or he doesn't. he needs to decide where you rank on his list of priorities, and that you will not stand for being at the end.

I'm hoping you're both young because you don't mention children or how long you have been married. talk to him, be sincere when you have this conversation, but tell him if he wants the divorce he needs to file it. if not, it's time for him to come home, that you love him and want to work out your problems. there's no guarantee either way, but be strong. let him know if he wants to walk that you will move on. you will miss him and you do still love him, but your life will not end... good luck!

Answer 5

First of all, you should never go into a realtionship with someone you have to "change", or you have to "change" for someone else. It won't work. Love is not about changing, it's about acceptance. If you can't accept your signifigant other without first having to say "I love you, but", then you're with the wrong person. I went through the same thing with my ex-husband. He never did come back to me. Now I'm glad. I am very happily remarried. It's a game with them. They don't want you for wife material, but you're okay to flirt with and tease. It's always going to be push and pull with guys like this. I'd move on. If it was true love, you know, the soulmate kind, he wouldn't be confused and believe me, he'd know what he wanted. Stop wasting emotions on a maybe. Stop all communication, close the door on this friendship/flirtship, and keep your eyes open. Mr. Right is out there.

Answer 6

Be firm. It is obvious that you are not just anybody for her, but she is afraid to admit it (perhaps, even to herself). So what you need to do now is just wait out some time till she contacts you first (if she doesn't, then the fact is you are not special to her, so later when you accidentally bump into her, you can point out this act of lying to her) When she contacts you, tell her that you would never agree on this mind games that she's been playing with you, and if she wants to continue she must be absolutely sincere with you in the future. Good luck!

Answer 7

I am ruthless when it comes to marriage. Marriage is not a game to be played by either side. If you two are serious about trying to see if you can work things out, see a marriage counselor or a therapist, work through your problems and work out the marriage. Both of you need to grow up and take this real seriously. If you have kids, be decisive about what you both want to do, cause your confusion will mess up your kids; then your woes will multiply exponentially! If you can't work it out, then stop screwing around and get a divorce. Personally, not to belittle your problems, I think that's the easy way out!

Answer 8

It sounds like he's reliving his adolescence. He doesn't have a job. He lives with family. He has someone who's special to him but he can kind of act any way he wants to because he's not committed to anything.
Yep, sounds like a 17-year-old.
It's just heaven on earth for this guy. He's not going to jump to get back into commitment and responsibility. He has too much growing up to do first. Don't wait on him. He'll take years and he'll act just like a teenage boy and perhaps cheat on you. He wants to keep you somehow faithful to him and that's why the flirting goes on. But if another woman flirts with him, I don't think I'd expect him to resist.
He's just immature. Think about what you want. Don't be in a hurry but you may have to let this marriage go. You can't keep it up all by yourself.

Answer 9

It sounds like "both" of you need to do some growing up. He is not very stable with his emotions and you are being too pushy. He is Living "OFF" of his sister since you say hes Not working. It does not sound like hes very Mature for a 27 year old man and certainly not ready to face responsibilitys. I have heard soooo many people complain about thier spouses or Mates and the Computer(MY Space). Seems to me like if you Both stayed off the Computer and put more time into Growing up, you would Both be better off.

Answer 10

I say theses words to help not to hurt
INMATURE
IRRESPONSIBLE
INSINCERE
IMMORAL
IRRECONCILABLE

You are both being INMATURE to play this games of footsies with one another on such a serious issue, You were IRRESPONSIBLE with his feelings when in a moment of weakness you turned stoned heart, when you should have told him to sober up and come home, it was a cry of help, you missed that window, you acts of flirting are INSINCERE, for if they were real, it would compel you back in each others arms immediately, in the fact that you both seem to be keeping company with other females and males hence the pictures on your MYSPACE? that evoke feelings of Jealousy? I mark you IRRECONCILABLE,, sorry, I wish you will work hard to make liar of the words I wrote, only then shall you be in a position to even begin to work on your relationship, if not then keep on doing this IN and OUT dance that you are doing and find 5 years from now, all you did was prolong the enevitable.