I am sorta pissed. And I want to see what u guys think.?

Question

I recently posted because I am newly married and left another state and good job to live with my then soon to be husband. Now I am here, we are married things are different. I am leaving already because he is displeased with my weight. He says that I dont make him happy. At first I was really hurt, I didnt understand. But I know my worth, and I know that I deserve far more. He will reap what he sows. No one is guaranteed to stay the same weight, people may loose or gain. I have already lost 40lbs but that does seem to be good enough.

I am pissed because I am sitting in the house dress nice but my hair is all over my head in the privacy of my own home because I was scratching my hair then I hear some keys turn thinking it was my husband, its his son and his son's mom. She could have just dropped him off and left, but she came in here to see what I looked like. My stepson is 13, he does not need to be walked in. Then she spoke and proceded pass me and went to the rear of the apartment

She had no reason to go into her son's room without asking. No reason to be looking around my apartment. Thats why I am pissed. She just came in here to see what I looked like. I am thinking maybe he is comparing me to her or something. But thats the least of my worries just wanted to get that off my chest.

Opinions please, I moved here to start a marriage/family with him. I have no relatives in this immediate area. I am trying to decide what to do.

A. Should I go back where I came from and take my friend up on a offer to live rent free in a spare bedroom until I find a job. or

B. Should I stay here until I can get out on my and just start a new life here with my 7 year old daughter?

check this for pictures you idiot, I am pleasantly plump...

www.myspace.com/chantelle81

Answer 1

I would be more than sorta pissed

Answer 2

The whole world seems to be centered around being thin as a rail. When I answer questions, I try to put myself in their shoes. This is what came to mind for me. First of all, you are not fat. I looked at your picture you look nice. Your husband can just cool it on telling you that you need to lose weight. If you want to lose it, your decision, NOT his. Second, I can understand how awkward you must of felt with the ex waltzing in through your house. Sometime if your taken of guard, you think of all of the "I should have's" after the fact. What I would do if I were you, I would tell your husband that you are not comfortable for his ex to come into your home, set up that boundary now. Don't let her walk on you. You also have to keep his child in mind and not have this discussion when the child is there. Lastly, you are probably just a bit homesick and more sensitive being that you are in a new place. Put all your cards on the table with husband, tell him exactly how you feel. Talk it out. If there is no resolution, then make your decision.

Answer 3

Sounds like you went into this relationship wholeheartedly and are now finding out you may have made a mistake. He was supposed to marry you for love not for your looks. He did know what you looked like before you said I do, right? This guy doesn't appreciate the fact that you dropped your job, you weight, and your life as you knew it for him and he's still not satisfied. Glad you know your worth...you definitely deserve to be treated with respect and so far, he's shown you none. He should not have allowed her in your home and to be rude to you. He does not know what he has. Now he has an unhappy bride. I hope you take steps to get out of this if nothing changes. Your happiness is important too. Don't let this marriage continue if he doesn't feel the same. Good luck :)

Answer 4

It seems you rushed into this marriage. You did not consider all facts about your marriage only what you wanted was a man. However the water has already spilt and you yourself allow this things to happen. Stand up to your feet now and put the stop to it. His ex has not right to disrespect at all. Its you in charge of the house now not her. Basically she is tress passing. Secondly it appears your husband don't love any more and keep on putting a blame on your weight as a factor of disliking you when in reality he feel he should be with his ex wife and he might have asked her to come and piss you off to get out and leave. Men do play such game quite often instead of telling their partner to leave. He shouldn't have married you if your weight was aproblem. Thirdly you have a choice to bear the conditions you are in at the moment and act as fool only to be wise enough to look for a job and find your own place to stay with your daughter if you feel that going back to your state is not worth. The point blank is he want you gone,

Answer 5

What you're going through is the type of stuff every married couple has to stumble through, and it's rough going sometimes. Establishing boundaries (that is, setting limits on where other people can (and cannot) encroach into your territory and when), deciding how to fight productively with each other to make sure problems are addressed but that feelings aren't unnecessarily hurt, agreeing upon the role of step-parent....these are the types of things no one warned you about or prepared you for before you got married, and now all of a sudden you're knee-deep in it and feeling overwhelmed, disrespected, and more than a little bit hurt. Your husband could definitely use a crash course in sensitivity, but in his defense he's a rookie (just like you are), and you two have yet to establish your own rules for what is and what is not acceptable. The thing is, you two belong to each other now and quitting (or running away) will not help the situation (or future situations you're likely to encounter). You owe it to yourselves to try again ( and again if necessary) to strike a balance you can both live with and thrive in. You married each other for a reason, so try your best to see that reason again. I know it seems like I'm giving a simplistic answer.....true, the answer IS simple, but the application is a monster. But it's worth doing, and I hope you'll hang in there long enough to see that I'm right. (If it helps you to know this, someone explained this to me a long time ago, too). Good luck to both of you.

Answer 6

You got all the right in the world to be pisses about that, why would any man allow his ex, even if its his sons mother just waltz into their home, and as far as him not being happy, i don't know how much you weigh, but if you lost 40 pounds and hes still not satisfied you need to find someone who will appreciate you for everything you got to offer, both physically and mentally,all in all, i think your doing right by leaving and going back home, i wish the best of luck to you.

Answer 7

"You are not making HIM happy?" More to the point, why do you have to make him happy? That is not your role in life. Is he making you happy? It is a two way street. He is abusive and there is no room for abusers around your daughter, period! She will learn to take what she sees you take. The longer you stay with this kind of man the more he will try to control you and the worse he will make you feel about yourself. He is verbally abusing you. Eventually he will probably physically abuse you. The two are not so far apart. Perhaps you can get an annulment, but if not, another divorce is what I think is necessary. (And I don't take divorce lightly)

Answer 8

First of all I will try to be neutral with my answer
One of the things men are affraid about married is that the wife changes alot in looks in ways etc, if he would have like thin girls he would have married thin girls but if you where thin from the beginning then there's a problem, sometimes we do not take care of ourselves just thinking that we have a man and that's it ....without thinking that it is the time when we need to do more to ourselves (when we have a man)
Who cares what the rest think but if I provoke people then I am creating a subject to talk about you understand
Marriage it is not easy but there's different keys that help us to keep going like ...understanding, communication, love and also respect, no worry talk to your husband do not faith talk it is the success for any marriage, there's always problems there's always soluctions

Answer 9

weather you choose to move back out of state or move into your own place within the state that you are currently in...i still think that you should leave anyway. apparently your husband doesn't apprecate you in the way that you thought. so it's time to leave and begin your new life. but before you do...check with the laws regarding child custody and you moving out of state. you don't want to break the law and give your husband any ammo against you. i think that it was very disrespectful to just come in and look around your personal things, especially without your knowledge or permission. it is your home too. but apparently your husband doesn't think so. either way...you need a place of your own that nobody can enter without your permission. it's time for you to start your own life anew.

Answer 10

The burning question here is WHY does the ex have keys to YOUR home????? And why is your husband apparently OK with that?

If it's the stepson with the keys, you and your husband need to present a united front & let him know that his mothers entry to the home is by YOUR invitation only.

Leave now. You deserve better.

Or, change the locks and demand that she respect your right to privacy in YOUR home.

Answer 11

I would not go back home yet, i would give the place a chance
but without him
as a matter of fact I would use him, I would stay with him get a job save my money and get out with out a word to him
Good luck