We were married for a total of 3 yrs.
The guy was terrible with money, I had to do everything - cook, clean, groceries - while he just sat on his butt, smoked pot & drank. He had terrible credit. When we were dating, it was fun, sex was great, he was charming. Then, we get married & I realized it was permanent.
I asked for a divorce 2 wks after the wedding but we stayed together for 3 yrs because we had some sort of sick connection..
Part of me is so mad that I married that loser I can hardly forgive myself. And part of me wants him back b/c all there are is losers out there. For all our issues, he really did make me happy at times.
We got divorced after 3 yrs & he married someone else w/in 6 months.
How can I get over being so used as well as being so stupid as to stay in a relationship that was so abusive to my soul?
2007-08-05 10:57:46 · 9 answers · asked by asldfkjdfj 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, you werent used, so get that out of your head. He provided you with certain things you needed at the time and you chose to be with him, so he wasnt using you. You werent stupid, you were in love with him. Emotions, very rarely have much to do with logic. It is human nature to think about all the negatives when a relationship breaks up.........we seem to take all the problems onto our shoulders alone. We blame ourselves. Love is not logical. Hindsight is a wonderful thing when we can look back and see what a destructive relationship we were in. But when you are actually in the relationship your emotions are different......the way he treats you can destroy your self esteem, and its your lack of self esteem that makes you stay in such a destructive relationship. The man tears you down where you end up feeling so unworthy of any man's love and you think that this is the best you will get. Thats why most people stay in a destructive relationship. They also stay because of hope.....they hope it will get better. They also stay because of fear......fear of the unknown and we subconsciously think to ourselves "its better the devil we know than the one we don't. Dont be so hard on yourself. What happened, happened for good reason. You may not see the reason yet, but you will in time. Your ex was a jerk, he treated you like shiit, but you loved him.............thats the reason you married him.....don't forget that. You have to chalk this up to experience..........it was not your fault that you stayed in the relationship. Like I said, emotions lack logic and Im sure you are not the first person to stay in a toxic relationship. We stay for all sorts of reasons, so how about stop beating yourself up over this and try to put everything into perspective. You are thinking totally emotionally right now. Sometimes the only thing you can say to yourself is that it happened, you cant take it back, but you can certainly see that it doesnt happen again. Gee, if I held on to all the sillly things I have done in my life, I would be totally insane by now. We all make silly decisions based on our emotions.....you are not alone. Be kind to yourself and remember your ex probably doesnt know the meaning of love......is that your fault? No, its not, he probably has a personality flaw and while you loved him and hoped things would change youve got to remember he was conditioned to be the way he is since birth. You didnt have any part to play in that. You met him when his personality was well and trully formed and its very hard for a person to change their basic personality. Ok, so you chose badly....welcome to the real world. You loved and you got hurt.......thats the risks we all take when we fall in love. There are no guarantees that our relationship will work out. When two people from totally different backgrounds come together and try to form a union, sometimes the differences are too great to make it work. Dont blame yourself, you took a risk and you hoped for the best. It didnt work out. Now you have the opportunity to learn from this and find a man who is trully worthy of your love. Take care and just take it day by day and be kind to yourself.
2007-08-05 11:40:06 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your too youthful.. no longer something worse than being a divorced lady once you're 25.. Your pastor is nuts.. Sorry to declare, yet why would he propose marriage different than the certainty you're sexually lively. it is not reason adequate to get married at your age. stay mutually and spot what happens. If something, set a date 5 years from now. in case you're nevertheless going stable it somewhat is properly worth it. Paying your person hire and expenses is adequate of a attempt.. by using fact you're the two nevertheless residing along with your dad and mom, ITS a great MISTAKE to even evaluate getting married!!! you have no thought how plenty you will exchange between now and the age of 27.. you would be wiser and extra advantageous than possibly have a thoroughly diverse outlook on existence.
2016-10-01 11:26:12 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgive yourself and move on, after 33 years mine still will not let me go my divorce has been in the court system for two years now, he has the money to fight me on anything, I hope next month the end will be in sight.
You need some outside help, I wish you the best .
I understand what you are saying, at least he let you go, mine will not he's a control freak.
2007-08-05 11:10:23 · answer #3 · answered by kim t 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to realize that there is and will always be a connection between you... but that doesn't mean you won't find it somewhere else, only better. Try to concentrate on why you wanted out of the marriage and have a good time in the single life.
2007-08-05 11:06:19 · answer #4 · answered by momndad42 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Consider yourself thankful you did not waste anymore time on him. 6 months after the divorce he was married??? Guarantee you it won't last.
You've been in this relationship on and off for 7 years. It's normal to be sad, angry hurt and totally pissed off.
Everyone can make us happy "at times" Doesn't mean we can be happy with them on a long term basis. He wasn't right for you. You have learned from this relationship. that's a good thing. Take what you've learned and move on to a new and better chapter in your life.
2007-08-05 11:03:43 · answer #5 · answered by candy'sroom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You seem to be wanting a loser, he is not the only loser out there. I can hook you up with a pan handler down the street from me. Why don't you think more of yourself? If you did you certainly would not be crying over him.
2007-08-05 11:05:46 · answer #6 · answered by jessica_bttl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Quit being so hard on yourself. As humans weallmake mistakes but we must learn to just chalk it upto experience,learn from our mistakes and simply move on. Now the real problem comes into play when we repeat the same mistake. Move on
2007-08-05 11:04:37 · answer #7 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem. I believe marriage is a beautiful thing--but not for me. I'm just not made that way. I tried twice. I left twice....I feel that in my situations, it was kinda my fault. I just can't handle it.
No more, ever though. I learned.
It just takes time, you will get over it.
2007-08-05 11:03:54 · answer #8 · answered by Happy lady 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you sound confused. try weed
2007-08-05 11:02:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋