How would you feel if your fiance wanted another wife?

Question

My boyfriend and I want to get married, but last night he said he said the he eventually wants to have multiple wives. I'm not really against the idea of polygamy, I just never thought it would happen to me. And it's not like he's a bad guy. If he just wanted more ***, he'd be out those swinger clubs. But he doesn't and he always respects me.

I guess I can sort of see the benifets of a polygamous relationship for men and women, but I'm just kind of surprised right now. How would you feel in this situation?

Answer 1

I'd feel as if I were about to commit a crime. Polygamy is against the law in my state.

Answer 2

My guy often mentions having a poly relationship. And though we share an open relationship, I have yet to see anyone other than him since we met. I myself don't get along all that well with most women...just too emotional for me. So I'd imagine you'd have to like the other woman. I also have my daughter to think about or future children. If I can't be completely comfortable with it, how could I casually explain it to her? And then there are family vacations...I don't want another woman and her children tagging along.
On the other hand, it would take some of the pressure off me being a FT mom and working a FT job, leaves me little time for chores. So IF she'd pull her share of the chores then that would be a good thing. But then again if she was a lazy cow, I'd be left with resentful feelings. And what if both of us were having a bad day and needed the comfort of our partner...how does he choose between us, to comfort us. I think I'd rather be alone then feel left out when I need him most.

Answer 3

Personally, I'm not very good at sharing, and it's not a life I'd want for myself. I just don't think I'd ever really be comfortable with it. If my boyfriend brought it up, I'd be surprised at first too, but I wouldn't take it personally. I'd be honest, and tell him it's not a situation I'd be happy in, and see where the relationship goes from there. If it were something really important to him, I'd be prepared to let him go--it's one of those deals where I just don't think we could find a compromise.

However, in general, I see nothing wrong with polygamy. Consenting adults should be able to marry any, and as many other consenting adults as they choose. To each his own, right?

If it's something you think you may be interested in, look into it. Find other polygamist couples, and see how they handle things, how it's worked out for them, etc. If it's not something you'd be comfortable with, don't do it to appease your boyfriend. It sounds like you're handling this well, and not taking as an attack on you, but rather something he finds interesting. That's good. Find how necessary this is to him, and decide whether it's a life you would be happy living or not. Best of luck!

Answer 4

I'm for Every Individual having Equal Rights to Happiness
and Fulfillment of life...but if a guy ''laid this burden on me,
AFTER we were engaged", then he would be ''out the door"
fast.
My basic beliefs do not encourage me to become part of
a "group marriage",but you have a choice to make..you can
''BECOME THE FIRST IN THIS GROUP MARRIAGE'' or
''QUIT PLAYING THE GAME RIGHT NOW...:" The Ball is
in your court, and it's your turn to play"...so to speak.
I do believe he Should Have Discussed this Matter with
you Before you got engaged, just in case you did not want
to be part of that kind of arrangement.
He might just be going ''thru a phase too" but I know that
''phase or not'', I'm a ''traditionalist" and No Other Woman
is Gonna Get Any Of My Glory" and there is not enough
money in the world to pay me, to play this game, because
of the Risk of the Germs...shared by "Everybody's body-
fluids"...
Everyone to their own Likeing though...you do what makes
you happy...and Comfortable in Life, but if this arrangement
doesn't suit you, and if you just want only one "life partner"
then GO FIND ANOTHER FIANCE....
He can have Only One Legal Wife, but he can have ''all the
Church-wives he wants, since he would be the Head-of-the-
Household...
For some women who are and can be Submissive and
"obedient to the man" and is "passive in nature", might be
happy in that arrangement....
Can you see yourself, having a separate bedroom, or
many separate bedrooms in the house, one for each
female, and HE can visit ''any bedroom'' he chooses
anytime he wants...???!!!? Is this agreeable with you?!
I can see it now..."which door will I choose tonight"
He Really Laid a Heavy Load at Your Feet...what a shock,
that must have been...(Hope you'll make the right one, 4 U).

Answer 5

My ex-husband was into having more than one wife, also. Something about he believed in a past life he had a harem. *Sigh*. Anyhoo, it's exciting to some degree, but when the sexual excitement and stimulation about being in a taboo situation like that wears off, your still just left with dirty diapers and dirty dishes at the end of the day, and I'm sorry but I need ONE man to share my life with, the ups and downs, the exciting times and the boring times. I'd hate to just really need to be held and pampered at the end of a long, hard day, but what if that's not on the agenda, because tonight, hubby sleeps in Wifey #2's room, tonight's "their" night, so better hold off that bad mood for a night when he's "yours". Uh-uh. Ain't gonna work with me. And these benefits you're talking about? Okay, I "sorta" see the benefits for a man, but please inform me how having a second wife in the home is going to "benefit" me? Someone to share the cooking and cleaning with? Oh sure, that totally makes up for the lonely nights because this isn't "your" night. Benefits, schmenefits.

Answer 6

You're so calm about the situation. And surprised wouldn't be one of the emotions I'd be feeling right now. Benefits from polygamy for YOU or him??? What's the purpose? You get one wife in charge of bearing children, you get another to do chores, and one you get to sleep with? I'm sorry but anyone to think that polygamy is the way to go is just freakin' ignorant. What the hell happend to one man, one woman??? It's man and wife, not man and wives! If my fiance brought that up to me, I'd leave him faster than a hooker gets laid.

Good luck!

Answer 7

This is definitely something that won't work in the long run.

You're not going to like being the type of woman who has to "Share" her husband with other women. Regardless of the situation.

It does sound like to me he's trying to safely say, "I want to have sex with a few other women, without feeling guilt"

Come on, now...Be smart. This man is obviously a crazy dirt bag. If he loved you, then you'd be the only woman he would want.

Men have a hard enough time taking care of one relationship. How can you add more into that without complications and reprecussions?

The simple answer is, you can't.

Answer 8

Watch the HBO series "Big Love". It is a dramatized look at polygamy, but it will give you an idea of what the lifestyle will be like. It ain't easy! My personal opinion is that it is kind of selfish for a man to want to spread himself out among more than one wife. Most of the sacrifices and compromises are made by the wives. That is just my opinion though. It has to be something you want as well, not just something you will tolerate.

Answer 9

From your nickname it seems like you are from the US. Polygamy is illegal in the US and if you live in the middle East polygamy is a special privillege that belongs to the wealthy. In order to have multiple wives the man has to be able to support all equally.
I think you are speaking out of your *** lady.

Answer 10

I guess you should start watching "Big Love" on HBO.

Why would you want ot share the man you love with another woman?
Why are you just finding out about this?

That kind of thinking (multiple wives) seems so backwards to me. Are you a backwards thinking kind of girl?

Plus, have fun living in hiding and breaking the law.

Answer 11

Considering the laws in most states, it would probably work best if you were the official wife and the other girl was the unofficial wife; i.e., a live in girlfriend.

Only it would be much better if the live-in was a guy. That way you could have two husbands and have sex morning and night.