you are a faithful husband is it hard? If you are not a faithful husband what drives you? Are you bored? Is it a revenge thing? I basically want to know why you cheat. Just curious.
2007-08-05 04:23:45 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes I do and I hope you are open for an honest answer. I also hope you are understanding that there are tempations.
Unforunately, our culture is so saturated with sexual images, and our culture tells everyone that it is natural to have multiple partners. Our culture is even becoming more acceptable of adultrey. If it happens then you get blamed for not being open minded. That is pure hogwash and nonsense.
I've been with my wife for 26 years and I've been tempted at times. However, I've learned that those are tempations and I know them for what they are. Yes, there are other beautiful and desirable people out there. It would be a shame if there weren't. But, admiration does not need to lead into lust and beyond.
Some guys cheat for the pure lust of it. Guys can more often than gals cheat for the pure gratification of the act. There doesn't have to always be emotions attached. Some guys cheat because they want a fling with someone who doesn't know their baggage. Some guys cheat because for the thrill of the catch. Some guys make mistakes because they don't know who they are. Some guys regret those mistakes and wish that they never made them. Some guys and gals need to be forgiven.
I'll keep this short. Yes, I do believe that men can be monogamous. It is important that both people be committed to the relationship, and it is important that you share the same values. I believe that marriage is designed for a lifetime. There will be times that you will be unhappy and think about leaving, or doing something stupid like an affair. But, it is important that you work through those rough times, seek counsel and advice from trusted and ethical adults, and things always work out. If someone cheats then counseling needs to be gone through. Usually, if someone cheats there is some other underlying problem. It is not just the cheating that needs to be looked at, but the underlying issue needs to be discovered.
2007-08-05 04:29:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Men can be monogamous. Each of us, male or female have values that drive our behaviors. Being a faithful husband is not difficult at all. One of the things that I need in my relationship with my wife is being faithful to eachother. I would never think about having an affair with another woman. I love my wife deeply. I trust her with all my heart. She feels the same. This is a non-issue in our relationship.
I have been married before. I was jealous and controlling. My ex-wife had an affair. She asked for a divorce. After the divorce I went through the grieving process. Told my friends that I would never marry again. I didn't want to experience the pain that I felt. It was easy to blame my ex. I began to realize that I thought of her as property. It was mine and I didn't want anyone else to have it. I realized that it was me that was not meeting her needs. That doesn't excuse what she did. We had two children. They were the ones that got hurt.
My belief is that if you truely love someone why would you even think about cheating. The same goes for both sexes. If you begin to have feelings for another person it is time that you begin to reflect on what is going on with yourself. What is driving these feelings. Is it because there is no communication? I'm getting older and want to believe that I am still attractive to the oppsite sex.
During the years that I have worked with couples I have heard so many excuses. Most of the time someone in a committed relationship have issues with themselves, not their partner. they conviently begin to believe that it is because of them that they are looking around. It is easier to justify and deal with the guilt. When they are real sorry is when they get caught.
Men that have healthy feelings about themselves, that can talk to their spouse about how they are feeling, what they are thinking are the men that you can trust.Regardless of the time that you have been together is not the issue. You never take the other person for granted. If you say I love you, that is inclusive with I will never do anything intentionally to hurt you.
2007-08-05 05:16:10 · answer #2 · answered by Tetonka 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The real reason most men cheat is because either their ego is not satisfied by their spouse, or it is defective to begin with.
A lot of people don't seem to know the importance of making their partner feel important to them. You know the classic case for women, forgetting her birthday, or the anniversary, or not calling when working late? Men have little things like that, too. Not taking an interest in their work signals a lack of respect for what he does for a living. Not caring if his tie is straight, complaining because the alarm wakes you up, nagging about driving, complaining constantly about things that really don't matter... things like that really wear on a man's ego. When that happens, he's vulnerable to someone that IS good for his ego.
On the other hand, some men have defective egos and just need the conquest.
Bottom line is, a man with a healthy ego doesn't cheat on a spouse that makes him feel worthy of respect.
I'm not talking dominance. I'm talking equality. Women often try to take over a man, and the more they do that, the more they push him to cheat.
2007-08-05 04:33:40 · answer #3 · answered by open4one 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Hello my friend. This is a tough one. Women can't understand that chemically, men are just attracted to women. We all experience that when we go to the mall, for example. As I glance at other women respectfully (we have eyes to see), I noticed that other men are doing it too! I really don't mind if somebody is looking at my GF, usually.
I'm NOT trying to say that this is something good or bad; it's just something that happens to all of us (men). Now, there's a bridge to cross (it takes you to infidelity/cheating), and that's when we must see who we have right next to us; would it be worth it to lose somebody like her?
I consider that this is something i'm, as a man, will live until I die. I know that women must be treated like what they are (human beings like us man) and not used.
Of course, women ALSO do this, to my opinion, in the same rate as we do. But what's the difference? Women--when it comes to lie about something--are better than men. Don't you think? This is what makes that virtual statistic that the majority of cheaters are man. Give me a break! Women are just smarter when it comes to that. I think...
Anyhow, there's a great Woody Allen movie out there from 1986 called "Hanna and Her Sisters," and if you watch it you'll see a good example of cheating and what it could lead to.
I hope I didn't offend anybody, and if I did... did you really sat and thought about it?
kRemtronicz
P.S. What do you mean that you are curious in knowing about it? Are you 10 years old? Or, you just come from another planet and want to know about the human race? I think you know the answers as well!
2007-08-05 04:44:32 · answer #4 · answered by k. Osle 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A mans animal instinct is to reproduce with as many women he is attracted to as possible. We have developed into a society were being monogamous behavior is the desired.
Ability to react with restraint to the hormones that flood our bloodstreams when encountering attractive and receptive women is VERY challenging. Add alcohol nearly impossible for allot of men.
But when a man commits to a marriage in front of his family and God and still cheats, that to me shows a weakness in character, selfish, and immature.
There are as many if not more men who do remain faithful than cheat. You need to have the right conversations before marriage and pay attention to how he reacts to women and his mother and sisters (women in general) before committing to long term relationships.
Understand this fact:
Men can and desire sex 3-6 times a day are you supplying his needs? If you are you will most likely never have to worry.
2007-08-05 04:39:15 · answer #5 · answered by Brad I 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I have never fooled around on my wife of almost 17 yrs. I've had offers, I'm just not a good liar and just don't think it is worth the risk, besides(this part is for the ladies) if a man is well pleased sexually at home, why should he look anywhere else?
2007-08-05 04:35:04 · answer #6 · answered by dwm5_62 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To continue ones genetic line a biologic necessity for men is to try to reproduce with as many females as possible since historically he has no way to insure that any particular offspring is his. Monogamy is a sociological invention and requires a strong moral indoctrination or a lot of empathy for one's partner. Both are dispairingly rare in these times, but it does happen. You just have to be judicious in knowing your prospective partner before commiting.
2007-08-05 04:37:06 · answer #7 · answered by chasrmck 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Of course we can be monogamous. The guys who insist otherwise simply haven't ever tried it. Not really tried it, you know? When you commit to something/someone it's a matter of will. We all have will. Just a matter of exercising it.
2007-08-05 04:27:26 · answer #8 · answered by dickdamick 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Yes men can and do stay faithful.ALL MEN LOOK it's built into us but not all men roam. o ya SEX TO MEN IS NOT AN EMOTIONAL RESPONSE.Loving a woman is.There is a million reason's why but no good excuse's bottom line it's a good idea to really know your man and words don't mean jack it's his action's.
2007-08-05 04:37:28 · answer #9 · answered by jojo 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
yes a man can be monogamous if: 1) he has no opportunity, 2) he fears his wife, 3) he can't pay for it.
Some become faithful because of no choice. A few really do it for good choice.
2007-08-05 04:32:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋