How do you leave someone you really love?

Question

I'm in a terrible situation. Before you judge my situation from what you read, please don't tell me the feelings aren't genuine, etc. This is a very sensitive thing to me.

I fell in love with a married man. He is very unhappily married. His wife can some into our place of work and they barely acknowledge each other. They fight constantly. Shes threatening divorce, he's threatening divorce, yet neither takes action.

I'm pregnant with his child. It was a planned pregnancy. He tells me that he wants to leave his wife very badly and has even promised me he will before the baby comes. His words tell me that hes going to leave, but his actions really don't and his body language doesn't.

I'm really fed up with all of this. We think about each other 24/7. We spend all of our time with each other. He's with me all day. I've never felt so in love with a man as I do now, and I can tell by his eyes and the way he talks to me he feels the same way. Why won't he leave?

I'm so stressed of wondering not WHEN he will leave (as he said he's going to) but IF he will actually ever leave. People are finding out about relationship. He doesn't care they're finding out, I don't either. I just want him to myself so we can raise our baby.

BUT, as I said, I'm so stressed out. I'm tired of waking up depressed over him everyday and falling asleep in tears over him. I believe that if he loves me he will be with me. Afterall, how can you tell someone you love them if you're unable to comitt?

My question is, how can I leave this man when I love him with ALL my heart and I know he loves me too? Should I wait to see if he does indeed leave his wife(He said within a year) or should I make him think I'm going to break up with him so he'll take action on leaving his wife faster, or should I just really leave and just forget him.

By the way, there are no kids at his home. They're all grown up.Please help me figure this out. :(

Answer 1

Whoa, sounds like you better get advice from friends and family instead of us clowns on here. Good luck to you. I really hope you get what you deserve, whatever that may be.

Answer 2

Amelia... why would u change ur entire life over a married man? If this guy cheated on his wife, what makes u so sure he won't do the same to u... later down the road if the louse gets some spine! U don't know that he thinks about U 24/7 because he's a liar & cheat. A relationship built on lies and deceiving rarely last...

Sweetie he's played u to get u into bed & wrapped around his finger, maybe he loves u or enjoys the freedom of having sex with u without the legal commitments. But u have a baby coming who didn't ask for all this unstablity. Who deserves a Mom that is mentally ready to handle the challenges, who's planned things.So it's time to start thinking about YOU & Your baby. Seek legal guidance from an attorney or legal aid about child support and seeking help with medical cost. Get some professional counseling to help u sort out life and things. Figure out why u were so needy that u went looking for trouble with a married man. Rarely do these relationships work out. Dont put your baby through the yo yo relationship u have with this slime ball. Ur wearing rose colored glasses when it comes to this affair. He tells u what u want to hear, he loves the sex, and a kid will keep u in line with his command. Get professional help, someone who has no interest one way or another. Secure your baby future. He's really messed up and though he maybe unhappy, he does love his wife and is committed to their assets in the marriage.

Answer 3

That's his wife.Not to give you a sermon, but, to help move you from emotion to reality. He may leave, he may not. That's what marriage is about, for better or worse. You getting pregnant didn't solidify anything, if you haven't noticed it made it worse for you. Now your pregnant and all emotional,and not to mention fed up. But, on the reality side of it metaphorically, you knew the water was muddy, and that there were alligators in it, but, you jumped in anyway, or did you allow yourself to be pulled in? Either way your in there now. As the old saying goes, "Be careful what you ask for. You just may get it." You got him and all his drama right behind him.

There are a number of reasons why he won't leave. One major reason may have to deal with splitting everything up, house, businesses, bank accounts, etc. She could take everything and leave him with nothing but a new born baby to take care of. In the end the only ones that know what's really going on are him and his wife. Your more or less along for the ride. Now knowing the reality side of it all, If you believe him even though it seems his actions speak louder than his words, and you decide to stick by him through all this, God bless you. If not, the question shouldn't be why won't he leave, but, why won't you leave?

Answer 4

We cant foresee the future, BUT, i doubt very much that he will leave her, his is using you because you are gulable and needy..........im not saying that to be horrible, but thats the way you come across hun.
How can you both PLAN a baby together, he is married, i think that somewhere inside, you thought that if you had a baby, then he would leave her, and he didnt agree or disagree, now you are in a big mess, if he was so unhappy with his wife, he would be running out the door, as you say there are no kids to think about with his wife or to keep him there, As i have said, you have just been played big time, and you are the only person allowing him to continue using you, it is difficult to let go, but do you want to be left waiting for years while he make promise after promise, and do you want to be depressed all of the time, if i where you, i would save my money up, until you are due to leave work on maternity leave, and do not return to that job after the baby is born, file for child support and move on, he is a loser who will keep you hanging for as long as he can, we will tell you this here, but unless you do something about it, our words mean nothing.
Best of Luck. xx

Answer 5

If he doesn't have any children at home with his wife, then the only reason he's still there with her has to be because he "wants" to be.
There's no other reason.
Let him think that you aren't going to sit around and wait any more.
You'll tired of waiting. Let him wonder if you're going to find someone else.
Once he doesn't know what you are doing or who you are with, he might have to make a choice.
Right now he doesn't have to make a choice because he can have his cake and eat it too.
Are you sure the idea of starting all over, raising more kids, isn't scaring the hell out of him?
I think with any married man that has already done this, would rather run "from" it instead of "in to" it.

Answer 6

It sounds like he has no intention and never had any intention of leaving his wife. He got you pregnant to keep you stuck, and not run off with some other guy, once you realized he would never leave his wife. You put yourself in a complicated situation being with a man that is married, if he cared about you at all, and if you had any sense you would've wait to get pregnant until after he was divorced and the two of you were married. Tell him if he doesn't tell his wife by the time you are 7 months along you will tell her, see what his reaction is then, if it's total anger, he will never leave.

Answer 7

hey be carful there sister i wont judge you but if he has had an affair in marriage and he does end up fully with you then whos to say he wont do the same to you later on. remember it takes 2 to tango and im sure his marriage isnt falling apart just because of his wife he prob had a part to play in it too. i feel sad that you fell in love with this person and have his child but whether there unhappy or not they are married at least at the moment. why cant any one ever think of the wife who will find out that her husband is a cheat and got another girl preggers. its a horrible situation for all 3 of you i can understand that. but its one you are in the middle of and somthing to think long and hard about in your future and your childs. id rather be on my own and happier than always wonder if my partner would do the same as what he did with mw when he was married. and you cant always believe what a guy says honey.
good luck

Answer 8

Wow, *hug* you really are in a sticky situation. I feel so bad for you, but at the same time, I think you should've known better than to have a relationship with a married man. It's too late for that now, since you're pregnant with his child. Sometimes, the best thing to do is just wait, but don't expect. You can hope that the divorce will be finalized and you two can finally be together.

I was with a guy who had a girlfriend once. He promised me that he was going to leave her for me because he was fed up with her actions and attitude. The days went by and I really fell in love with him, only to find out that he decided to choose the other girl instead of me. He said that she needed him more than I did. I was crushed, but eventually,I got over it. If he picks you as he said he would then I wish you both happiness. If not, please don't waste your time crying over spilled milk. Just move on with your life and raise the child on your own. It can be challenging, but you will get through it. If life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

Have you heard the song Lie About Us by Avant feat. Nicole Scherzinger? If you haven't, I suggest you download it and listen to the lyrics carefully (read through it in the internet if you want), because that matches your situation, as with mine before. I strongly believe in the saying that Time Heals Everything. If he doesn't pick you, then it's not your loss, it's his. So leave him be, and start a new life.

Please take care of yourself and the baby. I wish you the best.

Answer 9

If he really wanted to leave her, he would have done so by now.

Some people are saying that you should force the issue, take some action that will require him to tell his wife. Do NOT do this. Have some respect for yourself. Do you really want to be with a guy that you have to MAKE be with you? Do you think that will actually make you happy?

This is a man who had an affair and child while he was married. Do you really think he won't do that to you if and when he ever leaves his wife?

Wake up sweetheart - you've made a series of very foolish and selfish decisions and now your child will suffer for it.

Answer 10

Dear Amelia,

You have involved yourself in someone else's marriage. You have NO rights in that marriage. You are at this man's mercy and you have done your part to make certain that his marriage is even more unhappy. I would say that you are getting what you deserve - nothing.

You and this man were wrong to do what you did. If he had wanted out of his marriage, he should have done what a true gentleman would have done and left his wife before he took up with you. He did not.

How can you trust a man who cheats? Do you think that he won't cheat on you? If you do, you are foolish.

Why in the WORLD did you start a baby with a liar and a cheat? There is no justification for what you both have done. Your child will be a totally innocent party who will pay for your mistakes. Shame on you both!! God bless your poor little baby.

Answer 11

They fight because his wife knows that you are pregnant and cheat with him.

He is a jerk of a guy to cheat on his wife. If he were a real man, he would have divorced her before moving on to you. He is going to tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear to keep you going. You probably got pregnant because you thought he'd leave her for sure if you were pregnant.

You need to give the baby either up for adoption or to them to raise. This is a child's life we are talking about; a person,not some pawn in a little game.

Stop getting involved with married men! How would you like it if he was married to you and cheating/sleeping with someone behind your back and then got her pregnant? I guess if you do end up with him, you'll find out one day cause what goes around comes around. Why do you think everyone is so against women who cheat with married men? Cause it's wrong! I guarantee that if he thinks about you it's only about sex or how he can get you to just shut up about him divorcing his wife. Have some self-respect and walk away from this situation.