OK here I go husband and drinking problems?

Question

ok i have been with my husband for 6 years. through that he has had a drinking problem and 2 rehabs. He is still drinking well, I keep drawing lines in the sand and he keeps crossing them last week i gave him a list to complete like:go to AA, get 3 accountablity phone numbers and get help(I gave him until Friday (He did them) well Sat I laid down and he went and got a bottle and poured it in a water bottle i caught him he said he didn't drink any. well, my upstairs neighbor is a pastor and he said give me 2 weeks to talk with him but, he has tried this before . Do I give him 2 weeks to work on my husband or do i move on with my 3 yr old little girl in the low income house that we have already been approved on? I have to move in be Moved in be monday if i want it. He begs me to stay and says I didnt drink any. HELP pleaswe need advice

Answer 1

AA will teach you eventually that he won't change unless he decides that for himself. you need to change by quit enabling him to remain the way he is. he needs to hit rock bottom to change and we don't know what his rock bottom is - maybe its' losing you, maybe it's worse than that. but at any rate, you need to go to Alanon meetings. these are for the spouses of alcoholics. try to find an Alanon meeting in your area. you can probably contact AA and ask for them to tell you who to contact for Alanon. it will do you very good and there will be a lot of support. meanwhile, get your child OUT of that environment and go live elsewhere away from him.

Answer 2

I stayed in a marriage for 25 years waiting for change that never came and raised 4 children along with it. Take that apartment and move in and work on your own life and happiness. If he wants to change he will do it on his own. If he wants to stop drinking and stay straight he will but if you remain in that invironment it will not be good for your daughter.My ex husband at one point went 3 years without a drink and he was a dry drunk. He wanted it and eventually he went back to the bottle again. I am still working on my codependency issues this very day. After 25 years being in that marriage it felt like I had been living in a war zone all those years and I didn't win!! Today I am remarried 14 years now to a wonderfull man who respects me and loves all of my children and grandchildren. I stayed and fought against alcohol and was as addicted to him as he was the drink. Life was so unstable and I never knew what was coming next. he was hospitalized numerous times and due to a car accident when drinking and driving almost died in ICU. Thank God he never killed anyone! I married him very young and I did not realize then what I was dealing with. I kept thinking it was going to get better with him but it never did. They say some learn to control it but very few suceed. Not you or his little girl will make a difference in his world because for the alcoholic the love in his life is the drink! If he dosent want to stop then he won't the truth is that the alcoholic is already gone from you and your all alone in the relationship anyway. As long as you stay where you are he will never hit bottom as long as you are there to pick him up........when I left my exhusband with our young son left at home he cried to his older children how much he loved their mother. This went on for 3 weeks untill he met a vulnerable lady at a bar. He married her and she bought him a tavern. Now they both have severe health issues and that is sad. To this day he is a functional alcoholic. The choice about your life and daughter is up to you only you can make this desicion. Best wishes and take care.

Answer 3

I have been in this situation myself, and it is really tough. Your husband will not stop drinking unless HE wants to stop. You can talk until you are blue in the face, but until he wants to make a change, it won't happen, no matter how many lists you give him. If you have tried multiple times and it hasn't worked, tell yourself at least I tried! You can only do so much. You can always move, and then if he decides, he wants to change and work things out, you can always move back in. I wish you the best of luck! It isn't easy.

Answer 4

I think you should move. You can't help him until he wants the help, and it certainly doesn't sound like serious about quitting at this point. You can draw all the lines you want, but in the end he's an addict, and each time you allow him to cross a line, you enable him to cross the next one. Realistically, I wouldn't count on leaving causing him to quit either, but it would take you and your daughter our of an unhealthy environment.

It's going to be a tough time. Perhaps a support group like Al-Anon or counseling would help you through it. Best of luck to all of you, but for now you should focus on yourself and your daughter.

Answer 5

Get yourself and your kid away from him! I divorced an alcoholic two years ago and it was difficult for about 6 months after I left. But now, my life has improved so much I can't even describe how wonderful it is.

Living with an alcoholic is like living with a ticking time bomb, things may seem peaceful at times but you never know when the bomb will go off. It's no way to live honey!

Answer 6

He is not going to stop drinking no matter WHAT you do, no matter how many ultimatiums you give him. YOU are part of the problem, you keep enabling him, instead of just leaving. I suggest that YOU go to Al Anon. He isn't going to quit until HE recognizes and admits that he has a problem. Your constantly bringing it up isn't doing a damn thing. He isn't going to get help until HE admits that he has a problem and admits that he needs help. That is not going to come with talking to him, giving him ultimatiums, etc. YOU have to move on with YOUR life and allow your child to grow up in an environment without an alcoholic father

Answer 7

He is an alcoholic and he needs to want to help himself. You can not force him clean up his act. My best advice to give you would be to move out and leave. Right now, all you are giving him is empty threats about leaving. He knows that alls he has to do is beg and say "I did not drink" and you stay. Maybe once you leave, he will see that you were not making empty threats and that if he really wants his family back that he will take the necessary steps to stop drinking and do what he needs to do to stay sober. It may also help you to attend Al-Non meetings.

Answer 8

you keep drawing the lines and he keeps crossing them.... you need to stop letting him cross them. get out. you got approved for this low income housing for a reason. it is your time to do what you need to do for you and your daughter.

tell your husband that you are no longer going to sit around and HOPE he really will change. He hasn't proved to you before that his promises to change are genuine, so you can't trust his promises right now...

say you do move out and he later does go alcohol free (but he NEEDS to do it with help)...and you want to get back with him, I highly suggest you go through marital counseling before making your final decision to go back so that you can sort through all of the emotions from what happened before so you can have a cleaner start.

Answer 9

I would move. Your hubby needs some serious help that you cannot give him. You have to carry on for the sake of your daughter who does not need to be around an alcoholic. Your hubby needs to do this on his own. I wish you much luck in your future, really I do. Alcoholics can be very needy and stubborn. Move on. Best wishes☺

Answer 10

I say go on and move without him. That doesn't mean that it ALL over, but for now, he needs to focus on this life and death disease.... not on his relationship with you.
My experience tells me that an alcoholic can NOT possibly quit to please you or even to save the marriage or even for that beautiful 3 yr old.... He has to decide that he is not willing to lose anything more and make the commitment to himself. My ex tried everything to deal with my alcoholism....
until he turned his back on me.... I continued to relapse. I advise you to get your butt to an al-anon mtg.. get a sponsor and deal with the damage that living with an alcoholic has done to you.... THEN there may be a chance.

Answer 11

Does'nt matter that he didn't drink any, he just didn't have enough time before you walked in the room. Obviously he was planning on drinking it, and you know this, so move you and your daughter.
He may never get his addiction under control, he sure doesn't have honesty under control.