been divorced for 2 years---her idea---we have 2 boys--were married for 16 years. After divorce, she lost her job, tried committing suicide, moved in with a 50 year old man. I don't know what happened to her, but the way she is acting is definately not the woman i married. She tells me she is not happy, that she made wrong choice, but is still with her boyfriend. What can i do? She has moved back 3 times and left after the weekend.....................
2007-08-05 01:07:33 · 17 answers · asked by Jeff B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
how old is she? and you>? how old are kids?? maybe she was having a mid-life crisis. women get this too. hormones change with age. possibly she needed to be on her own for a while, got depressed at the fact her life totally changed. even tho she was the one who asked for this.. the she cannot handle this. the boyfriend probably means nothing, just a physical body so she doesnt feel alone.... why dont you have her come back, with conditions. you do not sleep in same room. she begins counseling or therapy, or treatment if any drugs are involved, help her get back to where she was. put a time limit on it 6-12 mo. then say at that 6 or 12 month you will both sit down and evaluate what is going on...let her know that the kids are being affected... do this for your kids, they will see that daddy is strong and willing to helpmake things better... ar at least try....also let her know that this coming and going will not happen. she can stay and try or she can leave and stay gone...
2007-08-05 01:21:45 · answer #1 · answered by smurfette 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you need to move on. This is a very stupid co-dependent relationship. You mentioned that you have two boys together... you owe it to them to show them a HEALTHY relationship and a healthy woman , otherwise they Will seek someone just like mom. Mom sounds like she has terrible problems, some of which can and should be treated with medications. As for your still loving her, there is something in this behavior that she exhibits that always attracted you, it is just that when she was younger it was not only less noticeable, and perhaps more acceptable from a young girl, but has now grown more out of proportion now that she has grown up. I would steer clear of her and take on the responsibility of being a grown man and show those boys what it is really all about, you will be happier in the end. Just because we are attracted to someone does not mean that we have to put up with their nonsense.
2007-08-05 08:14:25 · answer #2 · answered by Kimberlee Ann 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
please accept my deepest sympathies on your problem. my best idea is to let her go. iknow thats hard, because i am having a hard time too with this. me and my wife were married for 15 years when she had a gastric by-pass, 6 months into her bypass she hit forty and started hanging around some women at her job who couldnt keep a husband. she told me on thanksgiving day that she wantwed a divorce. she split my family up, kikcked me out of the house we just bot 10 months earlier, and now i am takling her for contempt of court because she has changed so much and not paid any bills since. i believe the surgery affected her personality horribly, so she is also not the sweet christian wife i married..this hurts, i know first-hand. myfriends and pastor keep reminding me that she will eventually reap what she has sown. good luck and my prayers are with you. i found out 3 days ago that she started dating 3 weeks after our divorce was final and that she is dating the guy in the next apartment over. all i can say is just pray about it constantly ..dont let her stay over ..as long as you do this she will keep hurting you..good luck , my prayers are with you
2007-08-05 10:23:41 · answer #3 · answered by annihilus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some things just cannot be explained. You are obviously "in love" with your ex, and you do not just "love her". And that is perfectly acceptable. When you are "in love" with someone, you have a bond and a connection with her that makes you want to help and do things for her that you typically wouldn't do otherwise. Anyway that's how I feel about your situation. As far as her leaving you and going back 3 times tells me that she still likes to be with you, but may feel guilty afterwards and that's why she runs back to her new guy. Maybe you two will end up back together if you keep seeing one another. 16 years is a lot to just let go of. (smile)
2007-08-05 08:21:02 · answer #4 · answered by Fergy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's on a self-destructive path and there's nothing you can do to help her. Having her move in and out all the time is not good for you or your kids. I'm assuming that your kids live with you and therefore you need to provide them with a stable environment. That's your first priority.
Frankly, you need to leave her alone and find a woman that's mentally stable. I wouldn't be surprised if she's using drugs. Take care of your kids first - and stop letting her move back in your house.
2007-08-05 08:13:24 · answer #5 · answered by lanagrl78 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My Goodness, Are you single? lol
It sounds like she can move on because she knows you are always available when she messes up. you need to STOP being available, move forward and think positive about your future, keep your relationship open and close with your boys ( i hope they are not in her care, she is very unstable to be looking after two boys, although i'm not sure how old they are...)
You say you love her still? its one of the hardest things to do, break up with someone, but you need to love yourself more. think of and do the things that make you happy that dont involve thoughts of her. find a new direction, then CELEBRATE your success.
good luck x
2007-08-05 08:15:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would like to know what i think your a push over shes walking all over you.Even if shes changed or has some problems let her go into therapy doctors like us deal with this sort of problems all the time.Shes treating you like a wallflower walking in and out.No wonder your still in love with her.She wont let you be out of love with her since she keeps coming back and going out again.
Tell her to get help talk to a therapist,then get yourself a resolve one last try give it a try to see if it works if not give her an ultimatum one try last strick then shes out forever and do close the door when she does go out firmly shut with no option to return.Its good for you and your children.I know its love but even if its hard you got to do this for you and your kids
2007-08-05 08:13:25 · answer #7 · answered by docfreudianslip 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she might have a habit, you might want to read up on different drugs and see if her actions are like the ones of addicts. Of course you still love her 16 years is a long time to just split and true love never dies.
2007-08-05 08:12:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She must be going through a bad phase. May be stress may be due to age. Im sure she will come to her senses soon and see the light. Be kind and respect her and see thing from her point of view. She is going through a bad patch in life. Time and kind words will heal.
2007-08-05 08:14:13 · answer #9 · answered by live and let live 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give an another chance in both of you,make a way to came her back...are you happy of what happen to both of you? I think not & she's not happy too..you still love her talk to her in a nicest way.
2007-08-05 08:14:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋