My husband is interested in us swinging. We have done it a couple of times, and I dont mind when it is just other men, but I am too jealous to include women. I have discussed this with him, and he said he is fine if we just include men only. (He is straight). I guess I am just feeling guilty because it seems like I am the only one having all the fun. Is this right? I dont have a problem with the whole swinging thing, but am I being too selfish?
2007-08-04 21:14:34 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I want to thank everyone, and while I know every person has their own ideals and beliefs, I did not ask if people thought what we were doing was morally correct. I will not take time to defend myself, because I feel its pointless, as those who attacked me appear to have very strong beliefs. I just want to say To Each His Own, and I did not ask you to condone or accept what I do. I had a question I wanted answered, but thanks anyway.
2007-08-04 23:26:38 · update #1
Don't worry about all these people telling you that you are sick and need help or whatever, they probably have no idea or have never been put into this situation. Just think of another women in the mix of things as a sex toy or something that you both USE to heighten your sexual life. That's how I think of it and I seem to have no problem with it. If you can have sex with another man in front of him and feel comfortable with it and he feels comfortable with it...try swinging with another couple so you both have something to occupy your time. Believe me swinging isn't all about wanting to have sex with other people, its about having fun with your husband and making him feel good and doing something that might be a little taboo. Try another couple a few times, see how that goes, and then get another women to do a MMF. I think it will really make you realize everything. Remember set rules for you BOTH to follow so there is nothing to possibly feel bad about in the end. I hope everything works for you and your husband. I had this problem at one time too. I hope the best for you!
2007-08-04 23:32:40 · answer #1 · answered by darkivy7 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Personally I feel swinging is a real danger zone for any relationship. Also it doesn't matter what gender you are doing it with, it can still hurt your relationship. Because usually one person or the other is so addicted to lifestyle of it that it instantly turns into something they must have all the time. And pretty soon one partner or the other will end up hurt. I think you both should really sit down and talk about why you guys swing so often. I know that sex can get boring with the same person all the time, but lets be for real. If one of you gets hurt out of this you will totally be blaming the other partner, even though you went for it willingly, with just guys or not. You two really should reconnect again on an emotional level and quickly before someone gets hurt.
2007-08-04 21:24:26 · answer #2 · answered by Cursed_Romantic 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hi MichelleS,
I think perhaps that you DO still have a problem with swinging. I only say this because, if you didn't, you wouldn't feel the need for jealousy.
Ask yourself why you feel jealous. Instead of calling it "jealousy", call it what it really is: fear. What is it that you're afraid of? What exactly about the idea makes you feel this way? Can you label all the feelings that come from it and not use the word "jealous"? For example, afraid, abandonned, angry, sad, self-contemptuous, depressed, humiliated...etc. Label every negative emotion you can find that stems from it, pinpoint the exact cause/trigger and think about it. Are these feelings actually justified? Are they fair to your husband? Or do you honestly think he would feel, think, or behave the way you imagine in the nightmare you created? If your jealousies are justified, then swing no more! Hubby needs to work on his dedication to you and your relationship.
But I sincerely doubt that you have anything to fear. After all, he loves you enough to give you this gift of sexual freedom. He loves you enough that he will forego his own sexual gratification in his desire to see you sexually free and fulfilled. He loves being able to sit back and watch as you wrap other men around your little finger the way you've done to him. He loves knowing that, no matter how many other men you might have around your finger, you are his and his alone, and he's got a part of you no other man can touch.
I was in your shoes once. My husband was willing to do whatever I was comfortable with, but I was afraid to do anything more than soft-swinging because, in my mind, it meant I would have to reciprocate by allowing him to have sex with other women. And I wasn't ready to see that. Fast forward through a long and painful story, I eventually learned to trust him when he told me that he would never intentionally hurt me. So we found a couple that we liked, and we had our first "full-swap" experience. This means that I had sex with another man, and he had sex with another woman...right in front of one another. And you know what? The fire and brimstone didn't hail down, the lightning didn't strike, the sky didn't fall...in fact, I found it surreal and exotic. Very erotic. It didn't hurt me in the least. In fact, we couldn't keep our hands off one another after we parted with our company. I can't explain it, but the energy it lends to sex between us for up to a week or two afterward is out of this world. It's like getting to see your spouse throught new eyes, seeing them the way the rest of the world sees them...and it's very good.
Please email me if you'd like. Good luck!
2007-08-05 12:55:59 · answer #3 · answered by intuition897 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
swinging can be dangerous yet exciting ...depends on a lot of factors! Having a mmf can be great as its all about the woman...but a ffm can be a desaster when jealousy kicks in. Advice....try another couple before a straight on ffm....and yes it is a bit selfish of you not to let it happen....it all come down to trust...when you can trust with mutual respect then you ready...prior to that DONT! Futher...never let this come up in an argument about your swinging...it will be the end for both of you taking your marriage with it!!
2007-08-04 22:52:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have already chosen to swing the question of jealousy has partially been answered. He did not get angry seeing you with other men.
If he is OK just including other men then it is fine. You have to define the parameters of your own relationship, you cannot let others do it for you. Since the situation you have now makes everyone happy why change it.
2007-08-04 21:58:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you are being a little selfish. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to see my man getting pleased by another woman! But if he's willing to bend a little for you, it's the least you could do. Besides, you could always make up a rule..like he can't penetrate her, anything with her is strictly oral. Or No kissing, but everything else is a go. Stuff like that. Otherwise don't do it all, it's unfair to put the leash on him and be free on your end.
2007-08-04 21:20:24 · answer #6 · answered by Marissa 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Do you get any thrill out of going to strip clubs? Because this way he can see other half-naked women and get turned on, then you two could go home and have fun...with another man if that's what you want. Or you could just try to institute the fantasy of another woman into your sex play.
How would you feel if another woman were to be in the room with you two? You could touch her, she could touch you, but she couldn't touch him and he couldn't touch her? Sometimes that might be enough for a guy. To me it would be worth a shot, so long as you made the rules very clear from the beginning.
2007-08-04 21:19:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
just be happy that you have options and that you husband is okay with it. it is always natural to be jealous but know that he is yout husband and you are the only one that he comes home to at night. i think that this will actually help make your relationship stronger. and it is also natural to feel guilty, but if you've talked it out with him and he's fine with it and assures you that its fine, then go ahead and have some fun.
2007-08-04 21:20:36 · answer #8 · answered by Dory Ian 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The people I know who have gotten in to swinning have regreted it
Is is worth losing your marriagae>
2007-08-04 21:29:57 · answer #9 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He probably doesnt mind because he probably gets plenty of action when you are not around. i think its selfish that you can have men but he cant have women.
2007-08-04 21:20:18 · answer #10 · answered by prynni 1 · 1⤊ 3⤋