my husband and i have been together for 6 years (married for 1 1/2). since we've been married he's had an urge to clear his concence about our dating years. i'm now, 3 or 4 years later finding out about certain truths and lies. now this pisses me off but my husband says i'm making too much of it, it was in the past, it doesn't affect now, ect.
what do you think should i just let this go, "water under the bridge" or am i right to be mad at him?
2007-08-04 21:05:17 · 6 answers · asked by randa 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you have every right to be mad and he needs to know how deeply this affects you. Perhaps this way he will think twice about ever doing such things again.
However, you might want to get both of you into couple counseling so that this issue doesn't destroy your marriage...if you want to stay married, that is? While you may have a right to be angry, he sees it as something that should be left alone now that you're a married couple and he's made the big committment to you. There will likely be a lot of anger and resentment erupting on a pretty frequent basis that will only grow worse as time goes on and there's no closure to the situation. YOUR feelings on this matter count and he does need to realize that this is not something he can just tell you about and have it forgotten. It needs to be worked through with you being given the chance to tell him everything this situation is making you think and feel. I imagine that a part of you is very hurt, another part is very angry and feels betrayed. This is normal and until he fully hears and understands all of this, you will not be able to forgive him and move on as a married couple. He did the wrong, so perhaps he won't object too much to going to a counselor to get this thing cleared up and put in the past.
Good luck, hon. Hope you two get through this ok.
2007-08-04 21:19:08 · answer #1 · answered by Top Alpha Wolf 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ever minimize your feelings. Whether he did something to hurt you years ago, and you're just now finding out, it doesn't change the level of hurt. It still hurts. Why he's telling you now, leaves me to wonder, what is he doing now? It seems distructive to be letting the cat out of the bag after all this time. Maybe he's trying to pick a fight? Before deciding how to handle this, ask yourself: how would you feel if he did these things he's confessing to, yesterday? Would it be a deal breaker?
2007-08-05 09:34:31 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lets be honest...why confess???...mainly cause his guilt got hold of his emotion & he cant bare saying i love you with this remorse looking at him every morning in the mirror. Take it sincere & see that he needs to get clear from this. Be firm & let him know how you feel but put a firm foot down that should he ever in what so ever manner be dishonest he will get served!
Now....built your relationship..forget the past & move forward with trust!
2007-08-05 04:32:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right to be mad! In other words he cheated you into marriage. If he is remorseful, then you should forgive him else if he gets away with this, he will cheat again. Be firm, Tell him to chnage but forgive him in the end
2007-08-05 04:09:56 · answer #4 · answered by Nikhil Son 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he hurt you, you have every right to be mad!!
2007-08-05 04:28:04 · answer #5 · answered by Mary B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he cheated on you, yes.
2007-08-05 04:16:17 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋