Pregnancy without marriage?

Question

I was just wondering what people on here thought about having kids but not deciding to get married right away. I've noticed that whenever I ask a question I get a lot of crap from people who want to tell me that I need to go ahead and get married but I know I'm not the only one out there who has had kids when they arent married. Why do people on here seem to think that if you get pregnant you should just get married? Aren't there situations where that may not be the answer?

I'm not saying I will never marry my bf but maturity wise we arent really on par. I find myself taking care of finances etc while my things are in order and he will just walk away from paying old debt. I dont want to be responsible for what he owes. We have 1 child together and another on the way and I prefer to have my finances in order for their sake and we did separate briefly and I did take care of my son by myself so no I'm not worried about what happens if it doesnt work out because I will love my kids either way. I just think it's crazy that people want to tell me to get married when so many people are getting divorced but then they make fun of the 16 year old girls on here who are pregnant and getting married telling them to wait.

Answer 1

I have a 14 month old and live with my boyfriend. We are not married and honestly it is easier. I would lose all of my financial aid for college if we got married. Also, you should not base your love of someone on a piece of paper. If you and your man are together and want to be together forever then wear a ring. There are woman who don't want to give up their last name, and that is their solution!

Answer 2

Getting married just because of pregnancy is NEVER the answer. Doing that could be much worse on the child than waiting a little while. People should only get married when they love each other and are ready to make that commitment to each other. Sometimes marriage is the right road, if that's what the parents want and feel they are ready for. Sometimes it can be even more trouble and end up in divorce, which is worse for the child than if they'd waited.

Yes, there are situations where marriage is not the answer... if you don't think it's the right thing to do, that's one of them. Don't let the people on here discourage you about not being married. I know that sometimes sh*t happens... I'm living proof of that.

However, I do think it is best to be married before having children, but I also know being married first isn't always a possibility or the best thing. Live your life the way you think is best and always make sure that your unborn child is the first thing you think of when you're trying to decide what the best thing to do is. The only thing anyone can do is their best... if you're doing that, then don't worry what other people think is right or wrong. Do what's right for you and your situation. Good luck and I hope everything works out... Oh yeah, and congrats on the pregnancy...

Answer 3

I'm pregant, and live with the father of the child, his two daughters and my 5 yr old som. We have decided not to get married right away for a plethera of reasons. We discussed getting married before I was pregnant, and continue to discuss it now. The Child was pretty much planned. As far as the marraige thing goes, I don't see the rush because i would rather someone that I am completely SECURE with being with, than run into a divorce situiation 10 years down the line. To quiet some family up we did however get engaged, and that seems to be sufficient for now. We also didn't wan to Marry yet because with all the changes going on with us getting together, moving, the pregnancy, and everything else, taking our time seems to be less stressful on the children we already have, and you knwo waht? they seem to think so too.

All in due time, and when you're ready you will know...

Answer 4

My parents were divorced, they would fight all the time. Growing up I thought I dont want to get married. I was very independent. I had a house, 2 cars paid for, 2 dogs and a good job. After 9 11 I felt like Ii was missing something, it was a family. Not that we planned it but I got pregnant. I felt crushed when we didnt get engaged after the baby was born. A baby changed my perspective a little. I wanted to feel that me and our son were going to be cared for, loved, secure, safe. I wanted to have the security of knowing we were committed to each other on a higher level.

So now there are hard feelings about this. Now I question marriage being good or not. Our son is 3 now and we are still just living together. Its making me feel like, If you give the milk for free, why buy the cow. I am worth more than that.

I dont think you should get married for a child. However, if you dont love eachother enough to get married, why even live together...?? I just dont feel good about it now. Think about what you want for your life. What is the example that you want to set for your child? To each his own. Congrats on the new baby, I wish you both the best.

Answer 5

I live with my baby's father but I don't know if I want to actually marry him. For now, we're happy the way things are. We keep our finances separate, we are raising our son together in the same household, etc. People ask us all the time when we're getting married. We always say when we know the time is right. I was married for 12 years and had 2 daughters with him. We did everything "by the book" and still ended up being divorced. There are no guarantees either way. Maybe it's not the traditional way to do it, but more and more people are.

Answer 6

I think if the pregnancy is unplanned then definitely do not rush into marriage. Marriage should be built on other things besides having sex. But I also think planning a pregnancy without being married is unwise. Raising children is hard. And although some people think marriage is just a piece of paper, it's more than that to me. Marriage should be built on shared beliefs, respect, knowing your partner, etc. It is an outward sign saying that you are already in it together and committed to making through the rough times.

Answer 7

In my opinion no you dont have to be married to have a baby together. As long as your relationship is healthy and you both love and respect one another, what does marriage have to do with it? Marriage doesnt make you better parents, nor does it make a difference to people who see you on the street holding hands and looking happy.

Now age in my opinion matters. If your under a certain age, no you should rethink the whole baby thing. If you dont have at least one income coming in, then abstaining from baby making would be a very good option. I had 2 children out of wedlock. And i am pregnant with another, though i am married this time, it doesnt make the pregnancy any easier. I am with you. Marriage, in most cases, is really a silly answer!

Answer 8

I am currently 5 1/2 weeks pregnant & posted on here about my boyfriend & I. I had people saying crap about having kids without being married. Just because you are having a baby is no reason to just rush & get married. It's not the right way to get married & would probably ruin it by rushing into it. So I know exactly how you feel!

Answer 9

I am 30 years old with 4 kids with my man of 10+ years. I got married at 16 and happily divorced at 19. The ex ruined my credit, took everything. The current bf is the best man ever, but we are just not ready for the name change thing. By law we are common law, by our hearts we are joined. LOL

Answer 10

I just had a baby 6 weeks ago. I had planned on getting married but, right after the baby was born he completely changed. He lost his job and is making no effort to find one. I live with my parents right now because of that reason. People kept telling me to do it before the baby. Well thank god I didnt. His whole attitude changed. He treats me and my family horrible and has no patience with my son. If I would have listened to everyone I would have been in a real mess. People really do look down on you for that, but who cares what other people think, its no one else's business what you do. you have to do whats best for you and the baby. He used to be a nice guy.

Answer 11

You have every right to do things the way you want to do them. Just, to be in the state of bringing future children into the world, it's more ideal I guess, to have a married home to bring them into. Children really do function better to have both the feminine and the masculine, a mom and a dad, to care for them. But that's not always possible. One can do it on one's own, if necessary. A good single parent could probably fill both roles. The key word is "good parent" though. Many kids have two parents and neither is very good, so that doesn't guarantee that two parents will always do it better. You have to want your child in the first place. You have to be able to provide and care for that child. Love and the means are really all that is necessary. Good luck!