umpire insults??

Question

what are some things you yell out to an umpire at a baseball game when he makes a bad call?

ex- "i hope you dont plan on driving home today!"

heres one of my favorites, said by my coach to the ump during a mound visit after a walk

Coach "where was that last ball?"
Ump "It was high"
Coach "It sure as f*ck wasnt high. your missing a great game"
(he was tossed immediatly) haha

Answer 1

"Get off your knees Ump your blowing the game". I forget where it is from but its funny and makes them mad.

Answer 2

oooohhh- Yes, this is a question I would LOVE to answer because I have a million.

Put "Yo Blue" before all these

You're not gonna sleep a minute tonight because you've slept all game.

How can you sleep with these lights on?

I forgot the Milk-Bone for you're seeing-eye dog

When your dog barks twice, it's a strike.

You're blinking too long.

Stevie Wonder could see that one!

Did your glass eye fog up?

Lenscrafters called... they'll be ready in 30 min.

Next time buy a ticket if you're just going to watch!

You need to go to confession after that call!

We know you're blind, we've seen your wife!

Try looking BETWEEN the bars in your mask.

Is it really hot today- that strike zone is melting.

The plate hasn't moved in 100 years and you still can't find it.

How about asking the audience?

Is that your final answer?

Leave the gift giving to Santa.

Open your eyes, your missing a good game.

Get off your knees, you're blowing the game.

Do you take Visa or American Express?



And might I suggest that spectators use these and not coaches? I'm a softball player and I can tell you that the umpires don't appreciate it when the coaches yell nasty things at you, such as "You sucked 2 weeks ago and you suck today" as my coach did and then promptly was thrown out of the game.

Answer 3

Umpire Disses
============
* Hey ump is that a dinner plate? Apparently it has no corners!
* I've seen better calls at a square dance!
* I've seen better calls between two tin cans and a piece of string!
* I've seen better blue in a toilet bowl!
* It really is hot today - that strike zone is melting! Wrong!
* Its a strike zone, not an end zone!
* Come on blue, turn that mask around and get a GOOD look!!
* How about asking the audience? Do you want to use another lifeline?
* What were you, a lookout a Pearl Harbor?
* I forgot the Milk-Bone for your seeing-eye dog!
* If it was a donut you would have gotten there! (Umps out of position)
* How many fingers am I holding up?
* Can I pet your Seeing Eye dog after the game?
* Have they stopped printing the rulebooks in Braille?
* Don't donate your eyes to science, they don't want em'
* Pull the good eye out of your pocket.
* I thought only horses slept standing up!
* Flip over the plate and read the directions.
* That was a strike in any bowling alley!
* You flipping coins?
* Is that your final answer?
* Take off that welding mask!
* When your dog barks twice, its a strike!
* Next time buy a ticket if you're going to watch!
* I bet if you had a biscuit that plate would be clean!
* Do you get any better or is this it?
* Munch! Munch! Munch! The Ump is out to lunch!
* I'm gonna break your cane and sell your dog.
* You couldn't make the right call if you had a phone book.
* You couldn't make a call in a phone booth
* Juuuuuust a bit outside!
* Move around Ump, you're killing' the grass!
* Leave the gift giving to Santa!
* If the pitcher is throwing too fast for you, we can ask him to slow it down.
* You're getting better, you almost made the right call that time!
* Punch a hole in that mask, you're missing a good game!
* I've seen potatoes with better eyes!
* Your Honor! I'd like to appeal that call!
* For a guy that only works 2 hours a day, you're doing a pretty bad job!
* Shake your head ump, your eyes are stuck!
* If that pitch were any more inside it would've ...(if near his gut) taken out his appendix!(if near his knee) been arthroscopic surgery!
* Just 'cause it's a night game, doesn't mean you should be asleep!



This is an email we recieved recently. The writer thought he had something to add. I will put up the story behind each Umpire Diss.

Last year a guy was thrown out of a Giants game because he dissed the ump with the Ultimate Giants' Curse. they stopped the game and the ump waited until the guy was escorted out of the stands!

--> "Hey blue, your mother dates Dodgers!"


Then there's the Candlestick bleacher bum that always stands out in my memory. once or twice a game this quiet old guy would stand up and bellow at the Giants base coach Wendell Kim "Hey Wendell, push your ears back!"

It took us about 30 games to figure out that the guy meant that if he didn't push his ears back, he'd never get his head out....of the clouds, maybe?


Careful...The Umpires Fight Back...
===========================
* If I could afford the wood, I'd have your mouth boarded up!
* If you're so important, why aren't the seats facing you?
* Man, you're ugly, I bet if I follow you home, someone ugly will open the door!
* Shouldn't you be at home airing up the tires on your house?
* He got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
* If you were any more stupid, you'd have to be watered twice a week.
* Here's an alcoholic who doesn't want to remain anonymous.
* Thank you for sharing.
* What's the matter, kid, didn't you get enough attention at home?
* Don't yell at me, I ain't your mother.
* Now I know why some animals eat their young.
* You make me wish I'd donated to Planned Parenthood.
* This year's poster child for zero population growth.
* What holds your ears apart?
* I see your therapy's coming along just fine.
* What, was there no tractor pull on tonight?
* Every village has one.
* Is that your face or did you just catch a foul ball with your teeth?
* Two more legs and you could star in a western.
* This is my job. I don't criticize the way you mop floors when you're at work.
* I don't show up at your job and unplug the Slurpee machine.
* I'm sorry, I don't know how to deal with you, I'm an Umpire not a proctologist.

Answer 4

Umpire Jokes

Answer 5

I will half-heartedly yell out "Go back (to whatever the opposing team's city or state is) ump!!". But I try to keep in mind that It's usually only when an umpire makes a bad call that people talk about the umpires. It usually goes overlooked or unnoticed by most people (myself included) when the umps call a game right.

Answer 6

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
umpire insults??
what are some things you yell out to an umpire at a baseball game when he makes a bad call?

ex- "i hope you dont plan on driving home today!"

Answer 7

Here are some umpire put downs.

I've seen better blues in a box of crayons.

Hey ump, if you had one more eye....you'd be a cyclops.

Hey ump.....I've seen better eyes on a potato.

You could'nt make the right call even if you used the yellow pages.

Answer 8

This isn't something you can yell, but I'd heard that the sign identifying the umpire locker room at Yankee Stadium was written in Braille.

Answer 9

I don't insult umpires!

Answer 10

A while back I saw "Hey ump check your cellphone, you've got a ton of missed calls." Corny but works

Answer 11

It's traditional to yell "Hey, ump, you're missing a great game today."