In this revolving door
Am I forever trapped
The path to get out
Not yet mapped
Round and round I go again
Looking for my escapes
Repeating parts of my life
Unfortunately most of it mistakes
I know theres more
Outside this revolving door
Some of which I've seen before
Yet still no sign of escape
Round and round I go again
I see myself eye to eye
Asking the question
Will I get out before I die
Would I answer the question, no
Feel theres no time to slow
Round and round I go again
Very tired now
Need to escape
I know theres a way out
Of this horrible place
I'm determined to find it
Put my mind and body at ease
I can't wait to try out
Let me out of here please.
2007-08-04 16:09:44 · 4 answers · asked by kidfisher420 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
me trapped in my mind-suffering from bi-polar
2007-08-04 16:39:04 · update #1
Not quite sure where you lost it. One thing to consider, though...since your poem is about going "round and round", you might try making that either the opening or closing line to each stanza...something to show that no matter where you think you were going, you came back around to the same place again. Your rhyme pattern is hit and miss...not sure if you meant it to be that way or not. When it does rhyme, it has a different meter. I think you could have done this without trying to rhyme at all, other than maybe at the end. You could still have repeated the "round and round" again as a single line refrain in each stanza, but not worried about end stopped rhymes. This would have allowed you to write a shorter, more crisp poem that would not have lost the repetitive feel and allowed you more freedom to use the words I sense you wanted to say...but didn't because they didn't rhyme.
keep writing
2007-08-10 18:41:25 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can assure you there is a way out. A place of calm and peace. Write a poem of what you do want. Changing your thought processes and leaving the loop behind, will offer you new opportunities for happiness.
2007-08-07 15:02:48 · answer #2 · answered by Marguerite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it, but it appears to me that you got lost along the way (towards the end). Life is full of delusion and disillusion. You will only know if you 'get out' and stop making the same mistakes when you live your on life and the expectations of others.
2007-08-04 16:20:08 · answer #3 · answered by mac3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. you know, my poems are a lot like yours. i have this one entitled "a little box" and it's eerie how we seem to use the same words to rhyme. lolz. probably just a big dose of coincidence. ^_^
2007-08-04 18:23:42 · answer #4 · answered by blushing_siren 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋