Is this wrong??

Question

My hubby is deployed. Since he's been gone, his friends check on me to see how i am doing. His bestfriend misses him just about as much as me. He calls the most and gets updates about my hubby. Since my hubby's been gone we've got alot closer. We talk all the time. THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BTWN US AT ALL! so please don't assume that. He is w/ 1 of my bestfriends & he doesn't want her to know how much we talk bc she REALLY is the jealous type. My hubby knows we talk, but not how much. Us talking is like therapy for us both bc it is so nice to talk w/ someone who is so close to my hubby. Again there is nothing going on, we just don't want them to worry when there is no reason to. It helps me and him both to talk to each other and get through this deployment. I'm willing to tell my hubby about it when he comes home. i just don't want him to worry while he is gone. I hate keeping this from them, but it helps so much. Is this wrong??

Answer 1

There is nothing wrong with just talking to someone. Make sure it doesn't become physical though. You are staying faithful to your marriage vows. Bravo to you!

Answer 2

I realize that your husband being gone is extremely hard on you but having such a close relationship with his friend like that even if there is nothing going on always has the potential of going further. I would just talk to YOUR best friend because if something does happen it will mean the end of your marriage and friendship. If she is the jealous type don't tell her that you all have been getting closer just start relying more on her.

Answer 3

I know what it's like to have a hubby deployed and his best friends calling to check in. While I think it's perfectly harmless, other people may get the idea that it is not. I don't think you should keep this from your hubby.

I am not doubting that it is innocent on your side, but on his...I think its not so innocent. Yes, girlfriends are jealous, but things like this (keeping secrets) is what makes them this way. I am really thinking that his intentions are not so pure...but rather he is using your husband as a way to talk to you.

Answer 4

I think the two of you need to create very distinct borders.

It can become an innocent affair very easily. It happened in other times of war all the time. Not necessarily a bad thing...sometimes it is a way for loved ones of the deployed to cope.

If you talk to the friend very seriously, then he may be relieved you brought it up and you two can continue on supporting each other during this very difficult time.

Answer 5

You might want to find a girl friend to talk to. Although nothing is going on now. This is how cheating starts. Innocent conversation turns into emotional connection and it can lead to something else. Many people don't start out thinking they will cheat. With your husband being deployed and unavailable, you may become very attached to his friend and one thing may lead to another. Also, if you have to lie even lies of omission in a marriage or relationship--it can never lead to anything good.

Answer 6

In a way I'd have to say yes. If you're not doing anything wrong why do you feel the need to keep some things from your hubby? If you tell your hubby everything then you probably won't feel like you're doing anything wrong and you won't feel so weird about it.

Answer 7

Something can start out very innocent and then get out of hand before you know it, at some weak moment. Pleaseeee
keep in contact with the friend but please limit it and cut back on it. It will be best for all 4 of you if you toned it down. Listen things start when there were only good intentions, it sometimes just happens. Don't let it happen to your marriage or his. you need to take a few steps back......now.

Answer 8

Why don't you find other women to talk to. These kind of situations rarely turn out good. There are many to talk to. Ask your male friend to do the same. Keep distance that is appropriate. You wouldn't be asking others if you should feel uncomfortable if you didn't feel that way already.

You are not obligated to be so close. Find a support group of women.

Answer 9

It might not be wrong, but you are playing with fire. Maybe nothing is going on right now, but in time you or he may develop more than just feelings of friendship for each other. And you really have no idea what his motives really are. My suggestion is to limit your contact, and especially don't be alone with him. We're all just human and it is all too common for friendships to turn into emotional relationships, and those often turn into physical relationships. I know you love your husband and it is the furthest thing from your mind to cheat on him, but you're playing with fire developing an emotional relationship with a man you're not married to.

Answer 10

There is nothing wrong but be care full that your feelings don't grow to the point that you have to talk all the time, because that in the long run can cause lots of problems.