Why Aren't I SERIOUS MATERIAL for MEN?

Question

I am told to be very beautiful but I have not found much success in relationships...most guys turn out to just want to fcuk me. so am I bound to be just a piece of ***..i just can't seem to find anyone who wants to be serious with me?!

the thing is I am not an airhead..I am a very deep intellectual person. I want to connect on a mental level as well but every time I go on a date and try to have a serious conversation, it scares guys off or they don't really answer..they want to just fck all the time and be sexual with me.

Answer 1

Could be many things. Might be just plain bad luck. Though if your younger remember guys don't generally want to settle down until they are 25-30. At least the kind of guy you'd be interested in. They are having fun and like single life. Isn't until enough "conquests" enough seeds sown that they slow down enough to realize wait a min there's more than sex to a relationship and it aint all that bad. Women mature faster and are from a young age interested in security, the emotional aspects of a relationship and in having something more than a physical relationship.

These are of course generalities and exceptions are common enough.

Another aspect is you might be dating the wrong kinds of guys. Being pretty gives you your pick of men, but if you pick purely on looks you are likely to be disapointed over and over again. The shinier the looks the less beneath generally. The more charming the more likely they are a sociopath. An honest guy won't often come of smooth because they fall over themselves. They have a vested interest beyond the sex in doing well where as a guy who's just wanting to do the wild thing can be much smoother since at worst he tries another lady to spend the night with. The lack of consequence makes dumb mistakes less likely. So one thing to try is next time when a guy walks into a door trying to talk to you give him a chance and see what his personality is like. If the guy is too smooth move on he's out for one thing and that's it. Even if you do hook him it's a temporary thing and he's liable to cheat on you.

Look more at potential. Expect to be able to change things like clothing but don't expect to change a man's personality. If they have one it's not easily changed and the consequences are not good in attempting to do so. Look for maturity and avoid love sick puppies. They will repel you and make you want to gag. Has to be a mutual thing that way you can make everybody around you want to gag on how sweet you guys are on each other :)

Think of things you respect in a person. Maybe it's honesty, maybe it's achievement, maybe it's athleticism. Then figure out what it is that is so wrong with guys you've dated. Remember many of these attributes are worn like badges by people. Then you can look less viscerally and more for the things that make you feel warm inside. Most importantly you have to be interested in all aspects. Warm heart don't make the cold nights go by. Cold heart makes the cold nights so meaningless and empty.

Answer 2

Look at people who are in arranged marriages. Plenty of them are miserable and plenty of them wound up loving their spouses. I don't think it completely matters that you weren't head over heels in love with your husband, but you're problem is that you keep holding onto the past, knowing that your past relationships weren't good for you anyway. If I'm following your story correctly, you are almost 30 and still whining about your high school sweetheart. Let it go. You're not giving yourself a chance to fully embrace your life as it is now. You can't be at peace with your decision if you're thinking about a guy you dated as a teenager who treated you like crap. Perhaps you need some therapy to help you with your issues. Lay these old issues to rest so you can move forward. You may find that you want to truly give this marriage your all, or finally decide that this isn't what you want. If you don't have kids yet, then don't until you've worked on your problems.

Answer 3

Honey don't look to get serious with any @$$hole until "you" are ready. Looking for a relationship can be very hazardous to your health, you stress and spend so much time trying to accept when you should be the one being "accepted". Not being an "airhead" is one of the major disabilities many of our young women have now a days. Being an individual is something you don't see to much of now a days, everyone is following some other numb nutter and then you have a whole society lost. Maintain you, your mind, continue to grow and learn, and while you might say I am just one of those older women talking just to be talking, babygirl, believe me, all things in time. If you need to get your jollies, honey do you, on your terms and when the right person comes along, you change gears and going with the flow will be no problem. Again don't look, just live and it will all be just what you want it to be. God Bless.

Answer 4

Ah the curse of the beautiful woman.
Well you are beautiful, that is what they see, and men think beauty means ............................
Men cannot allow themselves to think that woman can be beautiful and intelligent. That is too scary.
I would say you will find it different later in life.
For now maybe wear some fake glasses, or meet someone through a friend, and talk on the phone first, before meeting face to face. Let them get to know your "mind" before they "see" the other parts of you.
This is normal.
Many good looking men and woman have this problem.
And then many men and woman with intelligence have the problem of the opposite sex not being interested in them sexually, because there "mind" is more attractive than the "face"
Ah the problems of today.

Answer 5

It's as difficult to find an intelligent woman as it is to find an intelligent man. Somewhere out there there's a good-looking intelligent guy who's about to settle for an intelligent woman whom he doesn't find attractive, because he's fed up with women of average intelligence. The trick is to find one another. If you are as deeply intellectual as you say you are, you'll have to be patient.
___Don't get discouraged if you scare guys off. It's for the best. It's worse when you get hooked up with a partner who's all gaga over your mind, and is too cowed to talk to you like an equal. You end up feeling alien, and what you have isn't an ally in life, but a housepet. I would hope that that's not what you want.
___Intelligence/education is the factor that correlates the most with successful relationships.
___One thing that occurs to me is that you're running in the wrong pack. Maybe you just aren't used to hanging out in intellectual circles. Stretch yourself a bit, go where you might feel a bit over your head.
___But don't think that intelligent, intellectual guys will treat you any better, just just because they're intelligent. You still have to be circumspect.
___You say they just want to f**k you. Have you checked out your perceptions of this? Are you hypersensitive to affection of any sort?
___Or at the other end of the spectrum, are you too easy, or do you perhaps feel emotionally needy and use your beauty as an allurement in such a way that projects that you're easy? You should make sure that your perceptions of guys' responses to you are accurate.
___That said, you might retire from circualtion for a while and attend to your intellectual development. If you care about the life of the mind, invest in it. In doing so, you will increase the likelihood of your meeting a guy with similar interests.
___I can't tell if you're in high school, college, or the working world. If you're in high school, and the culture of your school is not very smart, then you might have to bide your time until you get into a better environment. If you live in a small town, the same problem might be hindering you. If you're in a decent sized college or a decent sized town or city, then you can change your social environment more easily.
___If you really want to mingle with intellectuals, there are personal ads in the NY Review of Books (not the NY Times Book Review). If yo do online dating, write your profile in such a way that is very clear about wanting an intelligent, educated, thoughtful guy. (You'll be amazed at how many people can't seem to read. ) You have to be very clear about this in order to show that it's a high priority, and not just one of an indifferent listing of desireable characteristics.
___Pay some attention to the signals you send out. You may be unconsciously projecting more sexuality than you want to. It may be tempting to do so, just to get a steady supply of attention. Also, some women grow up absorbing a lot of cultural cues to project sexuality to lubricate their way in the world without being aware of its sexual content. This can be very confusing for the guys they encounter. Soometimes it's the things we do inadvertently, not the things we do on purpose, that cause us difficulty. so ask you girlfriends, and some trusted guy friends if you project sexuality in your daily mannerisms.
___That's about all I can think of to say here.

Answer 6

Evidently you are looking in the wrong places for these men. Are you looking on the internet or in bars? If so, join a club like Young Republicans or Young Democrats or Rotaract. Take a class or volunteer at a charity. All quality places to find good guys.

Answer 7

I think most men aren't looking for a deep intellectual girl to spend their life with. That's boring. How about having fun and being goofy sometimes. Falling in love happens when your not trying so hard.

Answer 8

The problem may be location.Where you hang out or socialize with men could account for the type of guys you're attracting.Go to places where guys are reading or discussing some topic.If you don't like the place ,you can always leave.

Answer 9

Where are you looking to find these men? An intellegent girl needs to look in the right places for a guy who wants more than just a one night stand

Answer 10

That's just the sad truth about most guys. They find a pretty girl and that's their ticket to getting laid. Most guys who go for pretty women only want one thing and you're probably a lot smarter than they are. Just take your time and talk to guys to see what they are like.