Would you be yourself and lose your family, or live a lie and lose yourself in the process?

Question

Right now I am living a big lie.... What's worse is I don't know if the one being affected most is me or my family. I don't know if being myself is worth potentially losing my family. But if I dont, I end up losing myself in the process.
Do you get me and are you going through something like this too?
How do you or would you go about it?

Answer 1

Jules, go where your heart takes you. If your family loves you, they will understand and be supportive because it's what makes you happy. That's what family does. If they do not, you will still be happy because you stood up for something you believed. Your family will learn to live with it. Remember that this is your life. They have their own lives to live.

Answer 2

well, first i have to say that my family is a close-knit family, as what most filipinos have. we value the sense of family, and even if children grow up and start making their choices, decisions in life without help from families, we may go different directions but still, the best place to go back to is the family. the thing is, if your family is a family of understanding, openness and belongingness, in the process of finding yourself and making a place for yourself in the big world, whatever happens, you will always have a family who will identify and recognize you as their own. you can't be yourself if you choose to live with lie, that's for sure. but if in the process you lose your family and be yourself, then your family lacks the basic fator of any family relationships, which is all for one, one for all. being yourself has lots of potential. you know what? sooner or later, living a lie will put a strain on you and will affect you and your family. they can feel it, even if you don't say it. families are like that; at least mine are. so, the best thing to do is to take the big leap. do something to that potential, if it works, great, but if it doesn't, then you can always go back to your family. you'd have to talk to them first. seriously and sincerely, and tell them this is what you want. you don't need their criticism or their negative comments. what you need is their support, understanding and assurance that if it doesn't go the way you wanted it to happen, you can always count on them to have your back. by living a lie, you not only lose yourself in the process, you also lose your family. good luck to you and god bless you and your family. =)

"other things may change us, but we start and end with family."

Answer 3

the toughest of questions are equally tough to answer. I would have to say that if after endless hours of soul searching revealed that I was just not happy because I was living up to other peoples expectations but not my own that I would have to summon the courage to make that right. this is a case where you really want to be sure what you want before you go there because once you open the door, there is no way to close it. There is also the possibility that rather than losing yourself, you may discover yourself, which I think is part of what you are going through right now. Good luck!!

Answer 4

Calm down, already! I sincerely doubt that you'll "lose your family". You will just alter your relationships somewhat--amazingly enough, some won't change at all.

When I came out, my marriage, of course, ended. And there was a long time between separation and divorce for me and my now ex-wife--and no shortage of persoal rancor. But time has passed, I am still my daughter's father--that will never change, and I get to see her all the time--probably more than I did while married, in fact. And amazingly enough, me and my ex get along better now than during the marriage, but again I reiterate, alot of time has passed.

Even her family has come to accept me better as the me that I am. Most of them suspected that I was gay for years anyway, and have told me that they knew I felt some rejection from them during our marriage, and the suspicion of my sexuality and whether or not we were really "meant for each other" was a big part of that rejection. Oh well, water under the bridge, now.

Over all, I really am happier now and that translates into me doing things that I enjoy and discovering things that I like to do. I never could do that while living a lie.

My mom and dad, as well as my brothers also each took it very differently from one another. My oldest brother just shrugged and said--"Hmm, never would guessed that about you, wanna beer?" and that was that. My other brother could not speak to me or look at me for almost two weeks--he wasn't mad at me, though--only "handling it" his own way--the next time I saw him it was just like every thing was back to normal and we just went on talking about the things we always talked about before.

Mom and Dad had a harder time with it, but they eventually came around--although it was never a welcome topic around my dad, so I didn't push the issue any further. You really must remember that other people's feelings count whenever you "come out" of whatever secret life you are living, and some of their reactions may take you a little by surprise--allow them to be themselves just as you are insisting on being yourself and don't take anything that they might say too personally--there are bound to be a few emotional moments--handle them with maturity and respect and I'm sure that everything will turn out better in the end. Your actions control to a great degree the reactions that you will get in return.

Best of Luck!!

Answer 5

If being yourself would mean the "loss" of your family, that would be their choice, not yours. Putting it another way, they would choose to lose YOU for not accepting who you are. If they aren't aware that you're living a lie, they aren't being affected, are they? But clearly, you are. The choice is obvious; you cannot lose yourself. Neither can you live a lie forever, & when it's "discovered"..as surely it will be, the consequences will be far worse. We don't have the abilty to select our family, but we do our friends, who can be very reinforcing. I don't know your age, so there are no suggestions I can make that would be appreopriate. Good luck!

Answer 6

Living a lie is traditional. We are all taught to do it by watching others. It takes great courage to break free. Are you prepared to stand alone? Are you ready to find new friends? This could take a long time.
Personally I don't associate with my family at all anymore. We had some things in common growing up. But we have grown apart a lot since then. They don't see it or understand. I just can't take the two faced attitudes and dishonesty anymore. You choose your friends, why must we accept our family?

Answer 7

Ten years is an prolonged time to commit on your loved ones and then to have each and every thing all of sudden disappear is frustrating. You vested a while and love into the marriage and that's to be reported. the problem is that your x has of course already moved on along with her existence and no quantity of attempting to get her to reconcile is going to artwork. often times issues only fall down and no quantity of attempting to shop the marriage will artwork. yet that's in the previous and is neither here or there. with reference to why all of us is afraid to tutor that they care approximately others. i'm undecided why human beings worry different than often times human beings do not choose to experience susceptible and could particularly experience secure. There are those that have confidence in dedication accessible; distinctive them if truth be told. the main serious concern is which you're able to be able to desire to preserve your self and could desire to get you extra effectual. you're patently depressed over the region that's thoroughly comprehensible. Getting a divorce is as stressful as having a dying in the relatives in accordance to a pair counselors and that i've got confidence them. you're mourning the lose of your marriage for awhile yet please attempt to not enable it devour you. circumstances may be frustrating perfect now; issues gets extra effectual. the significant concern is to not provide up, to get help out of your friends and from close kinfolk, and comprehend that there is a delicate on the tip of the tunnel. there's a destiny accessible and that's as much as you in looking it. curiously which you have written off going to work out counselors, medical doctors, and in all probability your pastor besides. the problem is that no guy is an island and that if issues grow to be particularly insufferable you're able to hunt for out somebody to communicate with no remember if a counselor or a buddy. stay good and sturdy success.

Answer 8

well thanks a great question jules, gosh thats a pretty name. i would have to say that ones selves personal pride is most important, but, depending on how close a family is to ones self, age, and other things, i would have to say that the majority of people would say to live a lie and lose yourself in the process, to answer your question, jules.

Answer 9

I think I know what you are speaking of, I myself have never been in THAT situation, but I have been in one sort of similar. I lied about my wife's home country to my mum for many years. She thinks Americans are stuck up. It was easy until we actually got married. She loved me even though I married an American. Heck she even loves Michelle now. Just tell your mum and dad what's in your heart, they'll accept you as yourself, I promise.

Answer 10

The only way to truly live is to be true to yourself.