Recently my husband has been on craigslist posting ads for sex. Then I found pictures on his phone of naked girls parts. I confronted him and he says he was just playing around and it was nothing serious. He said he just got bored and wanted something to do. I called the # from one of the girls pictures and she said she didn't know him and had never talked to him-just sent pictures for fun. He swears he has stopped but I don't know how to begin to trust him. Any advice would be wonderful
2007-08-04 14:31:01 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
oh sweetheart, it's a terrible, terrible thing when someone betrays your trust. i see that you are parents too.
i wish i knew what to tell you. i'm not married but have a long term relationship with a man who i found doing a similar thing.
he says it's "ok to look" and that every man does it, blah, blah. but i have a different morality. seems you do too.
i'm not saying he's physically cheating on you..but guard your heart.
if you want the marriage to work and he'll agree...try marriage counseling..to secure the intimacy and excitement in your marriage that may have faded.
otherwise (i know) it's like living on pins and needles, worrying, investigating..it makes you nuts!
if he doesn't agree to try and "deepen" your commitment..just prepare yourself and your children for moving on to a healthier life and leave him to his cyber world..
good luck.
2007-08-04 14:46:57 · answer #1 · answered by shyanne 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Most the 'experts' answering your question don't know him or you, so don't take the 'hang' him stuff or 'omg' he's cheating or will cheat. Your husband is probably humilated and embarrassed. If I were you, i'd tell him you want to work through this and get back to your marriage, however, to do so you need a better understanding of why he got bored and what you two could do to prevent it from happening again. If you attack him, you'll drive him away or not make any progress. I dont know you or him either, he could be doing something outside the marriage, but with marriage at stake, i'd suggest giving the benefit of the doubt first and see what happens.
2007-08-04 15:32:05 · answer #2 · answered by J D Jr. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but if he was posting ads on Craigs List, it's because he wanted to get laid. He's only sorry that you caught him. It's a terrible thing that selfish men do to their wives and children. And if you let him stay you will probably always wonder and be suspicious -- it is no way for a woman to live.
It's pretty obvious that the two of you need marital counseling. If he refuses to go, that will tell you a lot. Go without him.
That's the best I can suggest. There is no easy way to rebuild trust after something like this. If it happened with my husband, I would have his bags packed and toss him out within the hour. But that's me.
Go to a marital counselor who can help you see your options more clearly.
2007-08-04 20:42:59 · answer #3 · answered by ddd 874 587 545 543 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello:
I don't mean to sound catty here but who knows what else he is doing behind your back if he is posting ads for sex on craigslist? There could be alot more things that he is doing behind your back that he isn't even told you about or would be willing to admit that he has done.
I say that if you can't trust somebody,there are ways to track your computer usage and what sites are visited at what dates and times. Also,you can hire a private investigator or if that sounds like it is too expensive than have one of your friends flirt with him and there is your answer! A REAL MAN who supposedly loves his wife would never think about cheating on his wife or hurting their marriage in anyway!
It sounds like this fat cat has swallowed more than one canary and he doesn't want to get caught by you the owner! When in doubt check it out and you could also have one of your friends go to craigslist or you could pretend to be another woman and catch him red handed! Good luck and I would not tolerate this behavior whatsoever,once a cheater always a cheater period end of story!
2007-08-04 14:40:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel as though you cannot trust him, those feelings will not just come back. It will take a great deal of time and you will be feeling "suspicious" an awful lot.
As I said before, if the trust is already gone... it is gone. I suggest going to marital counseling where you can both get your thoughts and feelings out and work through this together. It will teach him to be honest and it will show you that you can trust him.
Has he apologized and shown you that he is sorry yet? Just something to consider.
2007-08-04 15:30:14 · answer #5 · answered by nichole2583 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey. The same thing is happening to me. He said the same thing about being bored when I first found out. Now on the response is why are trying to take away what makes me feel good? Is he still intimate with you? I am trapped in my situation. If you can, break free. It is only a matter of time before you feel as horrible about you as I do about me.
2007-08-04 15:40:25 · answer #6 · answered by oh mama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're a lot nicer than I would be. I think that I would have been gone really fast. A guy always gives "clues" before they cheat and I'm really sorry to say, but it sounds like he is seriously in the process of or really close.
I have some issues too so I know how ya feel! I wish you luck and happiness honey.
2007-08-04 14:35:28 · answer #7 · answered by Encyclopedia Allie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nice ur husband gets bored and he turns to other women to cure his boredom and ur the one that feels like u have to trust him??? Why should u "give" him trust, he is the one that breached ur marriage vows.. "to forsake all others" that includes, in reality, pictures, internet etc.. it didnt say when " if convient only forsake all others" , HE needs to earn ur trust back.. he's the one that broke ur trust.. do u need to give him the room to do that, yes, but ultimately its his job to prove he can be trustworthy again. Dont be blind , but dont smother him either.. if he's going to hang himself, then give him the rope to do it.. its his choice, but u cant go on living ur life wondering if ur man is going to turn to another woman to cure his "boredom" .. my oppinion he should be kissing the ground u walk on for not kicking his butt to the curb, cause hun, he was showing the beginning signs of getting ready to cheat on u ..
2007-08-04 14:44:58 · answer #8 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to comment without knowing your husband. All I can say in my experience, guys don't joke about asking for sex and quite a few guys I've dated turned out to be married...yikes. About half of my friends that are married had husbands cheated or tried to cheat. It sucks but that's reality.
2007-08-04 14:39:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Insist on marriage counseling, make him promise, *in writing* that he will not do that again. I am trying to be positive, but in all honesty, my first impulse would be to throw him the hell out. He is most likely just like the country song says He ain't wrong, he ain't sorry, and he's probably gonna do it again" My heart totally goes out to you. Good luck
PS: I have no sense of humor, but I think that joke is in very poor taste...in other words, I don't buy that line of crap.
I am 46, hope that is mature enough.
2007-08-04 14:39:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋