Why do i feel this way? We havent been seperated for too long but everytime my ex says something (or posts surveys on myspace) he always makes comments that "he wishes he was with the person on his mind" and that "he only speaks to his ex because of the kids" and "of course there is someone i like" and on and on. It hurts because HE's the one who had an emotional affair and I told him to get out and he is acting like he's still wanting to hurt me...what coudl i have possibly done to make him hate me so much? He pulled away and he's moved on so fast....was I just a waste?
2007-08-04 14:00:26 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, alot of you are right. He had detached himself from me for a while now, the sad thing is that he put me through so much mentally, he would call me a *****, when he would wake up and i'd be in the room he would just walk away without acknowledging me and he wouldnt even sleep in the room with me alot of times. Yet when he was around his friends and the "girl" he found (my sister's best friend), he was a complete different person. i guess i'm caught up in it because a month before this all happened he had promised me that we would go to marriage counseling to save our marriage and whatnot. i feel like he just gave up too easily on us and maybe he never meant when he would tell me he loved me. Why would he put the mother of his children through all of this while he was off playing boyfriend with 2 other ladies?!?
2007-08-04 14:28:13 · update #1
First, you have to stop torturing yourself by looking at his MySpace page. He sounds very immature. I don't know what went on in your relationship but with the limited information you have given, it doesn't sound like you two should have gotten married as he wasn't ready for committment. Believe me, what goes around comes around and he will one day be sorry he gave up his family so easily.
2007-08-04 14:04:56 · answer #1 · answered by Be me 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
When are you going to realize this: "He's the one who had an emotional affair." These are your words which means he found someone else to love (right/wrong/reasons/no reasons) long before your divorce. He moved on a long time ago. Take the hint! Stay away from his myspace and see him only if necessary. He is not hurting you, you are hurting you. He is just living with out you and you can't accept that. Maybe you should analyze why he left you so you don't allow those mistakes to creep into your next relationship. If there was nothing wrong, then he was just not interested in you. But as long as you look for something to upset you and make you mad, you will find it because he is not hiding anything now and doesn't have to.
2007-08-04 14:24:18 · answer #2 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone handles a split different ways - and it is especially different when it comes to men & women. The divorce HAS affected him, just because he doesn't wear it on his sleeve doesn't mean it hasn't.
His way of handling it is putting on the front that everything is going fine in his life - that is his choice, it is how he "deals"...
Now the myspace thing, to you I'm going to say, grow up - only teenagers think that what is written is directed at them to punish, hurt or send a message - hun, he isn't thinking about you when he is filling out some random survey...stay off his page. It isn't worth torturing yourself with.
What you have to also realize, is that he IS father along in the "dealing" process than you are - if he had an emotional affair, he already has detached from you in more ways than you have from him...you have some catching up to do.
The only way you can get over this in a healthy way is to stop obsessing over what he is doing, concentrate on what YOU need to do for YOU.
2007-08-04 14:12:48 · answer #3 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh Sweetie, I understand what you are going through. What it looks like is happening is that he disengaged from your relationship a long time ago... he has taken this time to develop that distance you feel. I can almost bet you have felt this distance for some time now. But sometimes it comes out of the blue, too, when you least expect it.
Sweetie, stop reading his MySpace. Force yourself to pull away from him, or you are going to be eaten alive with resentment and the ol' "what if's".
The best revenge is a life well lived.
Take your life back. Take your heart back. Stop giving it to someone who doesn't want it. Stop punishing yourself. Live well, heal, mend, start living again. You will never trust him again, not like in the beginning. Best to let go, hard as it is...
2007-08-04 14:11:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bleh.... there is no good answer here. Largely, I dont think your husband hates you. I think that he is hurt, but not willing to show you the pain.
I would advise you to DROP him from your Myspace account, and delete him from your life. Stop reading up on him, because you are only preventing yourself from finding the happiness YOU deserve every time you feel jealous that he has found HIS happiness.
There is a good chance he is only posting all of this to make you feel bad for ending things when he was unfaithful. It is time for you to move on and start the healing process. It takes time, and the best way to move it along is to have as little communication with him as possible. Forget what he is doing, what he might be saying, and where he might be, and focus only on the things that you need.
You are not the waste, he is. I am sorry he hurt you so badly, when he is the one who is so injured emotionally.
2007-08-04 14:07:28 · answer #5 · answered by J K 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He most likely separated himself emotionally from you LONG ago - before he actually acted on it. MANY times it has little or nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do - it could just be HIM that could not handle whatever your situation was at the time.
Whatever happened is now OVER, he is GONE, and it would be wise of you to STOP your emotional attachment to him - you are hurting yourself AND your kids by refusing to move on with your life. STOP looking for pain and things to confuse your heart with - he is gone and you need to move AHEAD and stop looking BACK.
2007-08-04 14:15:29 · answer #6 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I left my wife about 2 months ago. It was the right thing to do but it bothers me that she didn't even ask if we could try again. She just doesn't seem to care that the one she wanted to be with at the beginning of the marriage doesn't matter one little bit now.
What I do is try to remember that I did the right thing. That by her actions she proves I made the right decision. And finally, I read that no relationship was a waste. That you learn things from everyone of them whether they were good or bad.
I hope this helps.
2007-08-04 14:29:00 · answer #7 · answered by Strike2? 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Dont u get it.. its not that he hates u , its that he has to do what it takes to feel less guilty about himself so he's painting u out to be the bad guy so that he doesnt have to admit to himself what a P.O.S he really is for doing what he's done to u and the kids.. he wants to date other women, so he can feel good again masculine again, because he's not a "man" so he's trying to find exuses to make himself feel like one.. always harder to put the blame on urself rather then those around u..
Dont take it personally, its his own guilt that he hides from. And he's pointing fingers to make himself feel better about himself.. the more he talks the more he is hoping that people will believe him eventually and he will believe it himself.
2007-08-04 14:26:43 · answer #8 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why are you on your ex's myspace anyway?? You need to close that chapter of your life and move on. He did you wrong and he has moved on, I suggest you do the same.
Contemplating on "what if's" and "what could have been" will do you absolutely no good. Why are you wasting so much time and energy on this man??
I suggest you find someone that deserves to be with you and for your sake, move on!
2007-08-04 14:06:12 · answer #9 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Girlfriend, forget him!
Stop centering yourself around someone that you know is not good for you! Why are you viewing his myspace page? You already know where you stand with him.
All the time and energy wasted on him could have been spent on "Mr. Right" who is waiting for your right now. You will never know that because you are focused on "Mr. Yesterday!"
Do not look back; press forward and make progress!
As soon as you stop asking "why?" the healing will begin.
Love and respect yourself and you will attract someone who will love and respect you.
2007-08-04 14:18:48 · answer #10 · answered by D S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋