If the woman doesn't want kids but he does...?

Question

I happen to know a woman who is one of those seemingly rare types that really doesn't want to have children, and has known this all her life. She has recently met a man who does want kids, and their relationship is rather new so they have not discussed it. He has made a few comments such as, "When I am more established in my career, then I can focus on my family" and "Maybe my future son or daughter will go to this-or-that school some day." They are both in their late 30's.

I am curious about how many men want children who would be willing to sacrifice that dream to stay with the woman of their dreams, if she doesn't want to have any.....

Answer 1

My husband wants kids and I don't really want to have kids (or at least I know I'm definitely not ready). That was one of things that we had to compromise, if I wasn't willing to have kids I think that would have pushed him away. I finally did compromise and said at least one child possibly 2 but definitely not for a number of years.

Answer 2

It will be alot easier if she is up front now. So they can move on.

I have kids and my husband wants more I am done really done and we are constantly going through a battle. He states he will be done with one more next year.

I have an 11 year old who will be 12 on Sunday
A 3 year old who will be 4 in January
A 3 month old
Two step children 17 and 18 and my step daughter just had a baby 3 weeks before I had my 3 month old so I am a grandma sort of.

And he still wants more this is crazy before she finds her self in a battle she should let him no a future with her is a future with out children.

Answer 3

well, that would depend on the individuals and any agreements they can come to. I have a friend who is not married, no kids, in her mid 30's. she has told me many times she doesn't want to get married, she doesn't want kids. but there are some days when she sees my kids being wonderful, and makes a comment about if she could be guaranteed to have kids like mine, she would find someone and get married. other days, she's like, "I don't know how you do it. I would kill myself." I hope for her to find someone who will make her happy and make her want kids someday, but that's her own choice.

I do know a guy who has been seeing a girl for a while, and he confided to me one day when I asked when they were getting married (I know him but have never met her...) that he doesn't know that he ever could. the thing is, she has two children from a previous marriage, and he has one, but he wants whoever he chooses to marry to have a child with him. he said he loves her, and he wants to be with her, but as far as marrying her, if she can't give him a child, he doesn't know if he could do it....

if your friend hasn't had this talk with him, maybe it's time for that to happen. if this is going to be a dealbreaker for him, he needs to know where he stands. also, they need to find out if they can come to some sort of agreement, or if they are both wasting time in a relationship that won't last.

Answer 4

to be honest i think it comes down to communication again. they will both have to be completely honest with each other and tell each other why they do or why they don't want kids. there is usually an underlying issue as to whether a woamn especially doesnt want kids dare i say abuse issues in her past or an unhappy childhood and thinks her kids will have the same or maybe she is just career minded at this stage of her life.
It would be sad to say the least to go through life just wanting a career and then one day you decide that you do want kids and Bang! you are in your 40's and it becomes more difficult to have them.
I hope they do sort it out for the best for both of them.Good luck.

Answer 5

that depend on him and his situation . . . . .
If he already have a child by some one else ,he would probably be willing to stay with her .
if he thinks you will change you mind in time , he'll probably stay.
but if he don't have any kids and he know you wont have his child . . . . . . he will leave you . think about it if you wonted a child and the man you was with didn't wont kids would you stay . i would hope not cause in the long run you are going to resent him because you never had those children that you always wanted . hope this helps.

Answer 6

She should let him know how she feels it's only fair to let each other know what you expect early on in a relationship so you are not to far into it. Everyone deserves what they want out of life meaning if you have to end a relationship and find someone who has the same hopes and dreams so be it.

GOD BLESS : )

Answer 7

Then she should stop dating him, since she knows he wants kids and she doesn't.
Most men I know DO want to have children, and I think it would be rather rare for a man to change his mind about this. However, there are men who don't want kids as well....

Answer 8

Just because a woman states that she doesn't want children, doesn't always mean that she means that 100%. I know several women who said the same thing until they got married.

I think if you love someone, you stay with them regardless of their choices for children.

Answer 9

Just because this man has made these comments to this woman is NO indication he is thinking of committing to HER. All he has done is make comments about what he WANTS for HIS future. Why would YOU ASSume that he is incorporating HER into his future based solely on his comments?

Answer 10

That is way too important of a difference. Men and women should agree on that issue, or find a different partner.

Here is a twist...what if one (either one) is unable to have children? do you sacrifice all, thousands of dollars, your entire livelihood, basically "die trying" to have children, or give up, accept it, or get a divorce over it?