Newly married, have asked him many times to get some help. He refuses. I've left him. He still refuses, but wants me to come home, and take care of responsibilites. Also says he has sexuall adictions. He's a truck driver, over the road. I'm freaked out! what do I do?
2007-08-04 11:43:26 · 15 answers · asked by angel_handz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm very sorry for your situation. I hope that you did not marry him knowing of these addictions. If he refuses to get help for his gambling and sex addiction as you know, there isn't any hope.
Most addicts have more than one addiction. My EX fiance had a gambling addiction that he was able to beat on his own however his porn addiction even with counseling won over and I had to end the relationship.
As you probably know the first thing is denial ...they don't have a problem, and blame...pointing the finger at you...you must be crazy lol. From what you say he is aware and acknowledges he has a problem yet refuses to get any help.
I would not even think of going back to him unless and until he begans and remains in counseling for a good established amount of time for both of his addictions.
Unfortunately from my personal experience I know that very few successfully overcome acting out on their addictions because it is true honey...once an addict always an addict.
You have to think and decide how much more time, energy and pain you are willing and can afford to risk for a man that ONLY MIGHT overcome his addictions IF he gets help.
Gambling is a strong addiction and from what I've learned sex addiction is even harder to overcome. Very few men overcome it and for those that do it can take many many years of ongoing therapy.
Well God Bless You I will be praying for you both and feel free to email me. :)
2007-08-04 12:13:42 · answer #1 · answered by Intelfem7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he is not willing to take action, you have to.
Asking him, is not taking action. It's communicating, but people with addictions don't always hear that.
Did you know that he was doing this before you were married? If not, I would be very leary of someone that would hide that many issues. You need security. You won't have that as long as he behaves this way. You will end up with nothing to your name, but a broken heart. I'd tell him one more time to get help, and leave until he has done so successfully.
Don't be an enabler by continuing to tolerate these destructive habits. Also, don't go into the mindset that he will just start doing right, and "change" on his own.
This is not going to happen. Do something now.
2007-08-04 12:05:44 · answer #2 · answered by MoonGoddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave, start all over, get a lawyer. A judge might not rule that you have to pay much of the debt if it is due to your husbands gambling problem. Better to be away from him and happy with a bill to pay than living with him abusing you and your children! As a mother, you really need to be thinking about your children and their mother ....do you want to leave them with this man? I don't think so. Get out as soon as possible.
2016-05-18 01:35:48 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to hurry up and get out before he ends up losing everything you guys have. gambling addiction is just as bad as any drug addiction.Its a disease. I personally know someone who has the same addiction. One of my good friends husband. it was so bad that they lost their house,cars they even had to file bankruptcy and she ended up living in a hotel she finally left him but had to stay in the hotel until she could get back on her feet. about 6 months until the divorce was final It was horrible watching her go through that. I hope this helps. And about the truck driver part, just to let you know they are the biggest pigs I was married to one all I can say is get out hurry I guarantee he has already cheated on you and not just once.I have been on the road before with my now ex husband the one that was a truck driver I witnessed with my own eyes married men cheating when they are parked at the truck stops. prostitutes hang out at truck stops for that reason only. because all they see is lonely men on the road. married or not they dont care.
2007-08-04 22:07:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a bad situation. You said you've left him and I suppose this means that you haven't returned yet, but you're thinking about it.
He needs to come to grips with his problems, and I don't know how you can force him to do it. If you should get back together with him then you know what to expect..
If I were you I'd tell him that I love him but this is more than you can handle. You can't bear the problems that he brings to the home. If he wants you, then he must get serious with his problems.
2007-08-04 11:56:06 · answer #5 · answered by Dr. D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you go back to him you are a fool. Divorce this man as quickly as possible or all of his debts will become your's and you will have everything you have ever owned taken from you in order to pay those debts. The man has to admit he has a problem and WANT to get help otherwise he never will. Save YOUR credit history, save YOUR paycheck save YOUR life.
2007-08-04 18:10:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well since hes your husband, obviously you love him and so it would be dificult to leave him. So, if you put your paychecks together, and have a joint fund, which most marriges do, make a seperate account for your money. Do not give him any. He has his, you have yours. When he blows his money off, you still have yours, and do not share. You will be living with comfort and he will have to struggle. He will realize the importance. Furthermore, threaten him with divorce if it keeps up.
2007-08-04 11:57:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
now i know you have dated guys who havent had this problem but they wernt the ones for you. there are plenty of guys out there who are like you and u will find him. if he is being a jerk and wont change than he WONT CHANGE. he is being very very selfish and only is thinking of himself now. i think people should always get help if they are having problems but there are some guys you just have to let go cause there no good. my mom tought me this.. men dont change but they can improve OVER TIME. he might settle down gambling but his selfishness wont change. he is bringing you down and wasting money on stupid stuff. thats why god says certian things in the bible for this reason. he doesnt want us to gamble for this reason. i would pray and ask for help and strength and ask what you should do. and dont listen to what U want listen to what he tells you inside. you WILL feel the spirt , the warmth and you will know. dont be scared either. i hope things go well. just dont put up with his crap and dont give in and dont let him control you like he is doing now.
2007-08-04 11:57:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you keep bank records and copies of checks written at the casinos. You may need these if you ever get a divorce.
2007-08-04 18:17:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call Gamblers Anonymous and ask them to direct you to the nearest meeting for families of gamblers. They are the best help you can get. Because you don't want to just fall in with another one, and you will if you don't get help for yourself.
2007-08-04 11:54:03 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋