Okay, I need some marital advice:
My husband does not see having children and making sure they have a good education important and I do. The most important thing to my husband is to pay off the house early (he wants to pay it off in 16 months) and to have business so that we become millionaires. I really want to have 3 kids and home school or two kids and private school. I am in my mid 30s.
Before we married, he knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom and agreed to it. After we married, now he says he can't afford to pay all the bills by himself-plus he sees stay at home moms as "lazy". He never said that until after we married. I am willing to work full time, but I want the kids in private school. How do we balance? When we talk about the future he hardly ever mentions children. When he does he says-when we can afford it...
2007-08-04 07:35:32 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oops, I meant 16 years.
Oh, we did talk about this before we married. He change what we originally agreed upon after we got married...
2007-08-04 07:57:32 · update #1
First off, nobody can "afford" children. So, that sounds like an excuse. Secondly, this guy pulled a fast one on you and changed the plan after you got married (Not fair). You must be a good catch. Finding a compromise is key and in this case you can't exactly have the kids on your own and be faithful. Since you were upfront from the start I think you need to stand your ground. Let him know that you love him and that having his children is very important to you and you want to work out something you both can live with. Money does not always give you happiness but children do. Whatever you do, do not use sex or any manipulation on him to get what you want; it almost always creates a problem.
2007-08-04 07:57:04 · answer #1 · answered by Tom 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ouch.
Is it really true that he can't afford the bills himself, or is it just because he wants to pay the house off so quickly? Why don't you make him a deal, you'll get a full-time job for the 16 months it will take you both to pay off the house, but after that you want to have children and home-school them?
A good idea would be to show him you can afford it, perhaps make up a spreadsheet with your ingoings and outgoings. If it turns out his eagerness to pay off the house is unreasonable, perhaps you could extend it a little, not as much as perhaps you'd want, but somewhere in the middle?
And after that, you could always remind him of the jobs you would have, cooking, cleaning, and schooling children...perhaps write them down along with the time each job would take...that would open his eyes a little!
2007-08-04 07:42:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Big Problem! First of all ,paying off the house is not a virtue-it is a tax deduction when you are paying interest.
Second- half of all smal l businesses fail in a short time if you do not have the knowledge and capital to see you through the hard times. That can further damage your relationship.
You could work part time to compromise with him if he is willing to have children, and now! You may need to talk with a 3rd party to work this out. i have found from personal experience that he will reveal things to a therapist that he may not say to you. They have a way of pullingout the information and helping you arrive at solutions.
Good luck
2007-08-04 08:01:03 · answer #3 · answered by Jane T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It definitely sounds like your husband unfortunately doesn't really want children. I don't think his mind has changed at all.
Before marriage he only agreed to have children to "catch" you. Once he caught you he still doesn't want children and although children aren't cheap he is using the "when we are millionaires" and "when we can afford it".
Money and security are his primary goals. Not children in the next few years. Let's say you wait around for a few more years but what are really the chances of both of you becoming "millionaires" in that time? It was "very" wrong for him to lead you in thinking he really wanted children and you have to decide whether you want children OR him?
Best of luck.
2007-08-04 07:53:58 · answer #4 · answered by maryv2013 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't want kids.
You have a problem.
You need to decide now, do you want children? If yes, he's the wrong guy.
Don't get pregnant unless you want the baby and can raise and support it by yourself.
He Is Not going to change. He is not going to "like" the baby after it is born. He will resent you and the child.
He lied. Now you have to deal with the repurcussions. I am so sorry, hon.
2007-08-04 09:56:01 · answer #5 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW! Yea it sounds like he did a bait-n-switch on you. you need to let him know that after 35 every pregnancy is considered high risk and take it from a stay-at-home mom, there is no "lazyness" about it!! I have 2 kids and let me tell you I don't even have time to think of the word lazy.
2007-08-04 07:42:53 · answer #6 · answered by kandilocks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This should have been decided before you married. Never marry a man that does not share your goals.
2007-08-04 07:39:00 · answer #7 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stayin @ hm 2b a devoted wife/mum is really a virtue act.It's no link 2 laziness.Giv him some time...
2007-08-04 07:54:08 · answer #8 · answered by Athrun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm. Very difficult. No children yet? If theres no children, then leave! That is my personal opinion!
2007-08-04 07:46:44 · answer #9 · answered by ellen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋