Should I stay in this marriage?

Question

Ok I asked this last night and it seems everyone thought I was the husbad and I am the wife. My husband and I married fast and had children fast. he promised me the world and made me feel bad I guess to a point if I dont take a risk with him and go for it. He never took my side pushed me hard when i was pregnant, always raised his hand as to hit me and never did and finally pulled my hair and smothered food in my face. This was a long time ago but he gets angry sometimes and I get scared. I feel stuck, as I am unhappily married and its almost as if I dont say anything (complain, nag etc) he is happy when I speak up he does not like it but yet wont help to fix our problems. He also promised me threapy and doesnt think his anger is that bad as he now controls it. I dont know what to do and I feel stuck.

Answer 1

I honestly think you shouldn't stay in the marriage. If he hits you, pulls your hair, etc, then that is considered abuse. If he hurts you at all, call the police. It's the best thing to do. Don't yell, or start a fight, it could make things a lot worse than they already are. He doesn't think his anger is that bad? He has got to go. Good husbands don't treat their wives the way he does, please understand this. If I had a choice, I would leave while I had the chance. You also can't just let him do this stuff to you. Another option is try to talk to him about it, but if it get's into another fighting match or hitting match, then you leave. Don't let him try to stop you.

The best of luck,
Sam.

Answer 2

oh, my this story sounds so familiar. You could have been following me around for the last 25 years. I too was in a marriage like this. It lasted a long time only because i felt stuck and didn't know which way to turn. I had 3 children before I knew it. I had never worked as he didn't want me to. He was always in control to the point of not even wanting me around my family. As long as I didn't buck the system in our household everything was OK. I got tired of putting up with everything and finally when my boys were 21, 18, and 16 I walked out the door.
Men like this don't change. They calm down for a bit but it always comes back. When they feel like they're losing control it gets very bad. I don't regret my children, but I do regret wasting 25 years of life living like this. You can love them, or you think it's love, but it won't change them. You can't change them. They can only change themselves. If they never think anything is wrong with them they never change. Think long and hard about the choices you have. And you have choices...you may not think you do, but you do. You always have choices.
If I were you I would get out. And don't speak to him, because he will try. Stay away from him and never, never, look back. Good luck.

Answer 3

If you choose to stay, you obviously know it will just get worse. He has no reason to change, hon.... you're still there!!!!, and still putting up with it. Decide you're just going to be a teeeeny mouse in your own house, or leave or plan to leave. Plan your escape, because this guy could get violent, from what you have said here....(contact a woman's clinic in your area) You're just about a battered wife... for sure you are emotionally. If you plan to stay, go back to school, and get some training in some field that pays well --- dentistry, nursing, etc. Then when you leave, you'll qualify for a job, and dump this guy. Of course you feel stuck... you are, hon!!!!! He has you where the "hairs are short"----- your bank account!!!!!.... You can't leave if you don't have $$ and a job. Get busy and start working on both... as my mama said, "kids and your education are forever, husband, lovers and promises are not."... as well she said, "have a stash of cash that no one knows about even if you are sure you will never need it.... you will, and the more the better"

Good luck, hon..

Answer 4

I'm afraid this is a question you have to ask yourself, rather than ask others. Nobody can tell you to stay or to leave. You need to do some inner soul searching, and maybe prayer/meditation. Leaving is always a difficult decision, especially when children are involved. From what you have said here, you have been by far more tolerant than I think I would be. (but then I'm not in your situation?)
If you attend a church speak to your pastor/minister- they have counselors at most churches who can offer excellent guidance.
If you aren't religious try speaking to your family doctor, who if a good doctor, will take the time to speak to you at length. Just speaking to someone can be such a great relief. You deserve to be treated well. You deserve to be loved, and You deserve the best. NOBODY should mistreat you!!!

Answer 5

What you need to do is get on them hands and knees and pray. You really need to do some praying. I am reading a book called The Power Of A Praying Wife. It says to pray for your spouse, you might not see results like you want because he will fix you first, He will help you if you only ask. I have been praying and fasting for my marriage and i can tell a difference in the both of us. Even my husband said that he could feel something different. Put your life and your marriage in Gods hands and have faith for he will release you and your husband from the bad that is in your marriage.

Answer 6

Hun I don't know how long you have put up with this so call man but you don't have to and you shouldn't have to. Tell my that you TWO will go to marriage counseling or the marriage is over .If that don't open his eyes then leave him .I don't know how old you are but no matter how old you don't have to life a mislabel life .If you are scared to leave him behind his back check your city and see if you can fine a group that helps women being hurt i am sure that there is a place near you for just that and they will protect you and help you do what you have to do .Good luck and may God protect you

Answer 7

You have to do what's best for the children and then for yourself. The two are related. Set some rules and needs down on paper, and some time periods for changes. Work with a counselor on all this. Even if he won't go, you should. If he won't make changes (and remember changing is hard and comes in small chunks), then you will have to leave. The counselor will help you decide what is best.

Answer 8

You can leave now, with your health and some of your dignity intact, or you can wait until he does beat you or your children, or something worse.

He has anger control issues. He is an abuser. He is also a manipulator. Call a Women's crisis center, make an escape plan and leave. Don't tell him you're leaving, just do it. If you tell him, you may not survive to get out the door.

Answer 9

If you are really so unhappy then you should leave him. When you get married for the first time you are young and inexperienced, but as you get older you just will not put up with the pain you had in your youth.
There is life after divorce and if you are so miserable -GET OUT FAST.

Answer 10

Why do you feel stuck? Do you feel that you have no way out of the relationship? There is always a way out. It may take a lot of hard work...but the way I see it...you really have your work cut out for you if you stay with this controlling and abusive man.