He is 40, I am 33, I have a 6 year old from my last marriage, we have been dating for almost a year, this will be his first baby, we both have nice jobs, our own houses and careers, and we were trying to get pregnant. He is very happy I am pregnant and he wants to move into my house and try to have a family, he didn't ask me to marry him and he never talks about money. I probably spent more money in this relationship than he did, I make a little more money than he does, but a baby is a big responsibility and I need help to be able to give the baby everything he deserves, he makes money too he is just sooo tight; he really doesn't ever buy me anything nice or tries to spoil me. He mentions moving to my house and renting out his; but he doesn't tell me he will pay for anything, should I just ask him straight? Or just leave him? I think he should know better that he has to pay for things. He really wants this baby, what should I do?
2007-08-04 07:17:20 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Communication is key in a relationship. You have to give it to him straight and not beat around the bush. You have to make your wants and needs known just as well as he does. You guys must compromise and come to some sort of agreement. Counseling would be great and they can help you get your words across. Best wishes and God bless. Congratulations on the baby on the way =]
2007-08-04 07:22:38 · answer #1 · answered by Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷAℓεx & Aаяöи have my ♥ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be thankful he wants to be a family, or at least act like one, but tell him you don't want to "play house." IF you allow him to move in with your, set the ground rules from the beginning, that he will be paying 1/2 your mortgage (he'll be making money off his house, and he's use to paying more-his entire mortgage-so it will still be less for him. If you do not have this conversation before he moves in, you will regret it because both of you will not know what the other expects. He should also pay for 1/2 of groceries. You should also talk about getting engaged if you're moving in together. Tell him you already have a child from a relationship that didn't work out and you need to know where your relationship stands. You obviously can afford your place on your own, so don't feel pressured to make a fast decision. There's an old saying, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?" It means, once he's in without a commitment, it may just stay that way. Have him commit first-emotionally and financially, then let him move in.
2007-08-04 14:35:33 · answer #2 · answered by STACEY M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a 40 year old kid. Matters such as money should be decided before bringing a baby into the world, not after conception. By allowing him to move into your place, you'll be just taking care of two babies. He seems to be one of those pathetic men who want all the benefits of a relationship without making the commitment. Make a decision based on what YOU want for yourself and your kids, how you'd like to see yourself 10 yrs from now. Best.
2007-08-04 14:31:56 · answer #3 · answered by maya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be honest. Tell him your concerns, tell him what you're hopes are, what your needs are, and ask him what he's wanting and willing to do for you and the baby.
Tell him you're worried he wont want to support you during this time, and that he will leave or whatever your fears are.
Talk about marriage and what you both want as a family.
Just be honest, if you have concerns they need to be voiced to him, NOT as a complaint, but as an honest concern. Women tend to know the problem when they see it, men dont. But, men are problem solvers. You have to explain the problem to him and allow him to solve it.
It could be his solution is not what you want. From that point you'll have to voice again what the new problem is, and let him decide.
Communication and honesty. You're not trying to control eachother, you're trying to be a family for the children you have and have made.
2007-08-04 14:24:04 · answer #4 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would just sit down with him and point out the fact that since you are having another child you are going to expect him to help you with bills and stuff especially when he moves in. or you guys can combine ur money that is what my fiance and i did. it seems to be working out fine. and y doesnt he just sell his house it will give you guys a chunk of money to save. or if he thinks renting is better than it is up to him. just let him know that this isnt going to be free.
2007-08-04 14:23:15 · answer #5 · answered by liljess69692004 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if its going good and you both wanted the baby why leave?
just sit him down and discuss money with him *who will pay what*. and if u dont like what he says then live apart but you can still stay together.
2007-08-04 14:23:08 · answer #6 · answered by princessfionafantasy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, whether or not you stay with him he has the legal responsibility to supply the necessities of life for this baby.
If he's that excited about the baby, why would he not be paying for things for him/her?
2007-08-04 14:23:23 · answer #7 · answered by LMJ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I think it is perfectly normal for couples to discuss a budget -- definitely if you are going to live together and have a baby.
2007-08-04 14:30:50 · answer #8 · answered by cwrayvoa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your concerns and questions should have been dealt with BEFORE getting pregnant.
2007-08-04 14:25:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anthony M 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋