This is going to sound like a stupid question with an easy answer, but it's not for me. I was married to this great man for ten years. He has supported me emotionally, mentally, phyically and finacially. We recently divorced so that I could get help with my extencive medical bills. We still love each other, but he tells me he is not sure if it is a husband to wife love, or a caretaker to sickly person love. I live with him due to the fact that I cannot make it on my own; I still love him. The new man; he is great. We love each other unconditionally, and have so much in common. I can see myself growing old with him. He is supportive to all my crazy thoughts and wants. Here is the problem: I can only visit him once a week for two hours and get a phone call once a week for five minutes. I cannot touch him or make love to him. He cannot support me financially. He is prison, for the rest of his life. There is NO chance he will ever get out. Yes, he is in for a violent crime. I love him!
2007-08-04 07:13:57 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are in a vulnerable place. When you're in a vulnerable place, you want to feel loved and secured, so most of the time you start "loving" someone because that's what your mind needs. You create a fantasy picture and person to fit your voids and needs at the time.
You are with your ex husband because you need him, he is taking care of you. You love the new guy because he's in prison and despite what others may see, he makes you feel loved and special. He has nothing but time on his hands to give you attention and make you feel wanted. Just remember, it's easy to create a fantasy picture of a person in your mind when you're not in each other's space 24/7.
Why do you feel that you have to choose between the two? Obviously, the guy in prison can't give you a normal life, you don't want your ex husband because if you did, you wouldn't fall for someone else.
Just work on yourself, building your own life up and exploring a world full of potentials. You're lucky to have an ex husband who cares enough about you to take care of you....he seems to care more about your well-being and future than you care about yourself. You know the guy in prison has no future, why are you wasting your time for immediate comfort? Think long-term!
Good luck to you!
2007-08-04 07:26:08 · answer #1 · answered by Lioness 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you think you love this man....but you don't really know him. He obvioulsy did something unforgiveable in order to have been sentenced to life in prision. The fastest way to become a christian and find God is to be put behind bars. They should put steeples on prisons because everyone goes in a sinner (child molester, murderer, rapist, gang member, etc) and comes out a "born again christian". I think that is bullsh*t. Yes, some people find God in prision, however, most of them lose him again after they get out. You may grow old with your new love, but you will grow old wirh him wearing an orange jumpsuit that has his inmate number on the back. Does he deserve to be loved?? Of course, he is a human being and should be shown some type of compassion...but did he show that same human compassion on his victims?? I highly doubt it. The compassion that he has experienced and the ONLY compassion he deserves is that he got life in prision and not the death penalty!
Your ex-hubby is doing a lot for you. A lot more than an ex-hubby should do and he doesn't deserve for you to live off of him and have feelings for someone else. If you want to be with your new found love, then get the heck out of your ex-hubby's house and fend for yourself. Get a job and pay your own bills regardless of your medical condition. Your ex should not have to support you financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually or any other way. You are using him and it's not fair.
You say you have a lot in common...and how would you know this? You can only talk to him for 2 hours and 5 minutes a week!! You don't know what he is really like or who he really is. All you know is what he WANTS you to know!
The bottom line is this: You need to allow your ex-hubby to move on with his life. He deserves to be with someone who loves him and is not using him for his mutliple means of support.
And you?? You just want something you can't have....like a child in a toy store!
2007-08-04 07:26:55 · answer #2 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i read what the other people had to say. I am corresponding with an ex and have been for 8 years. we are great friends and yes we have told each other we love one another, however we have enough respect for each others partners that it will never be anything more than a 35 year friendship. i am sure his wife probably wouldn't like that we talk but our conversations are about jobs kids parents and hobbies. totally benign. ask if you can read what she writes if your insecure. personally your husband has chosen to be with you on his own free will. that is why she is an ex
2016-05-18 00:19:39 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you stand beside someone that is incarcerated? You can be his friend and share information/support one another emotionally to a certain degree but really you can't have a life with someone that is never getting out of jail. You don't necessarily have to have a life with your ex-husband either. Focus on getting better first and then sorting out your love life letter. You need to be able to stand on your own feet to some degree before you can pledge your undying love to anyone.
2007-08-04 07:23:12 · answer #4 · answered by indydst8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget this new guy as hes useless and helpless in his current situation to you. Remember its not having what you want but wanting what youve got. Rebuild your relationship with the man in hand and forget Mr. Prison no matter what you feel for him. Nothing can or willever happen and besides men in prison will tell any woman anything for companionship, for someone to talk to,but usually never nothing much more than that.
2007-08-04 07:23:59 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
huh? I don't think you love him..You love the idea of someone saying they love you. And in love with the idea he someday might be out and he is a bad boy. Your x is still standing by you and helping you with your needs. Not so sure he should be doing that....sorry
2007-08-04 07:21:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
uhh......i don't think its healthy for you to keep visiting a man who is in jail for the rest of his life...that will just set you up for a heartbreak..get back together with your ex
2007-08-04 07:21:33 · answer #7 · answered by daisy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you crazy?Your in love with the thought of him.What do you have in common?You have someone to take care of you,don't blow it.
2007-08-04 07:22:43 · answer #8 · answered by fernwood 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that was a good story. it sounds like you have a lot of issues, and are clinging to someone who weirdly cant help you with any of them.
2007-08-04 08:06:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay with the ex, yow know this is what your better judgement is telling you
2007-08-04 07:23:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋