? 4 men & women. Y is it, that after marriage; especially, EVERYTHING is the woman's fault?

Question

It's proven that if men acted as the head of the family as they should, the family's better off. But in cases where a bit disfunction happens, society always blames the woman...and then when she tries to assume some control, society always blames the woman. Sure, if things go right, seldom, women get the credit...buy y always the blame? I can understand blame from husbands, because when feuding, defenses go up. But when women have no one, it's hard to stand firm(they get in trouble for that too). Then when problems are BAD, and women stay, they get blamed for that too...even though everyone knows no one's gonna take a single woman and her kids in. So after marriage, all a woman has is her husband and her kids...maybe...or she's all alone for the most part. Y say the lie that her family will be on the girl's side, when that's mostly a lie? Why's even my husband's wrong doing MY fault? Y's everything twisted to make the man look ok, and the woman the reason it went all wrong?

Y should girls get married then? Is it just so her parents can give her away to someone they feel is proper at the time, so that when they die, they'll die happy, since they're daughter's with "MR Perfect, no matter what?" Parents and society tell u how to raise ur kids, live ur life, please ur man, etc. Ur like, ok, no thinking needed..except when ur man's concerned, and he won't understand y his wife can't just ignore everyone and think for herself, because guys aren't raised to be yes men. Then if she listens to everyone, society thinks she's stupid, for not thinking for herself, but then when she does, and leaves society out of her marriage(this includes family too), they think shes a selfish *itch because no one knows what's going on in her life. Then when something goes wrong, they're like...if we only knew, we could've helped her...knowing full well, that if they knew, they'd say that she drove him to leaVe her or something. We as women are damned if we do or don't?

Answer 1

who said it was the womans fault ? ok your victim mentality is overbearing woman. now go bake me some cookies before i divorce you

Answer 2

I know how you feel. I feel the same way too. The problem in India people have very strong social taboos, limitations, very strong customs and traditions and esp. in a place like Kerela, these are very much there, notwithstanding its high literacy rate. After all as they say 'its a man's world'....i do not agreee with this dictum at all....both the genders have to be treated equally if the society has to grow and then thus grows the nation in the real meaning of growth. Unfortunately in India this is not the case. We are all living with the daily atrocities on the womenfolk where men even when wrong get away with little or no trouble. We have these double standards for each of the genders in India. It has to do a lot with the mind-sets also. But do not worry, things are fast changing. More independence is being sought by the fairer sex (women) and with globalisation all this would change for the better, i guess. Yours has been a good question, I like it.

Answer 3

ok well i can admit im not always right. but it seems like either; you were in a bad relationship and see that point of horror, or you misunderstand the world. If you take a look at society today it is messed up and I am with you there, but its not meant as the womens fault. If the man runs the house and things go wrong they blame the man. If the female runs the house as the leader and things go wrong they blame the female. I personally think you need to sit down and get some help for things that have gone wrong in your life. I am sorry for your bad experience with life but getting some help will get you over it and you can live a healthy life. Good luck

Answer 4

Dear friend
I have been answering most of your question, I think though you are married you are worried to hold your position as supreme.
As you know since ancient times, let it be any culture , women had been dominated by men. Rarely few of them have raised to the occassion and achived glory. You might have gone through history, that even being at home/palace females have played very active role which cannot be neglected.
As far as behaviour of other persons of blaming the new girl who comes after marriage for first time to her husbands home is totally wrong. They should show maturity and treat her as their own daughter and family member, this is what our Indian culture says. But I am fully agreeing to your point of view that the number of people who behave in the other way are more, its just because of greed, lust and other bad evils of society.
I think, once they accept the facts of life and treat the women be deligating her equal power and effection this matter would be sorted out. At the same time ladies should also take the view of other family elders while takeing decseasions. This would help in creating a good understanding and trust.
You should not be so sarcastic and wild with the new family members. You told me earlier that you are born and brought up in USA , and your hubby is from India, naturally they will take some time to update themself with your wishes, thoughts and things that you like/dislike.
If they could not be accepted by you they will leave you for ever to be with your hubby, ya they cant give you anything in that case except curse.
Its you who is going to mould your future life, if you are so aggrisive in you behaviour, naturally none would like it. You have to be bit soft. Thats the diff of culture and behaviour.

Answer 5

Men are still in control. I think part of it is DNA. We have not seen enough strong, independent, and smart women. The women that are out there are torn down at every opportunity. Look at Hillary Clinton. My husband's first reaction to me is that I'm wrong but when he has time to think it over, he will apologize and tell me I was right, etc. But it's hell when his first reaction is so negative. It's hard to get over it. It's issues/problems like this that explain why I have pretty much left the Republican party and am much more liberal and democratic. Reality cannot be ignored. It's better to deal with it head on if we want positive and lasting change.

Answer 6

A bagful of woes for women come across from your question. You are a woman. You feel society is largely against women. Stand up and say "No" to the ugly demands of society. Do you have the moral courage to do that? If not, it is useless to whine. The attack on injustices must come from the people on whom those are perpetrated. Else your question would be treated with disdain. Instead of complaining, do something.

Answer 7

I had a divorce 2 yrs ago and it was really hard on me. I know I was just at fault as she was. It just took 12 yrs to discover we weren't compatible and we had changed over the years. But it takes a man to admit fault in a marriage not always blame the woman. I was at fault just as much as she was.

Answer 8

It is not the fact always. If it so directly without saying any thing people accept the importance of woman in Society.Be happy and start taking responsibilities with full hearted . Don't you see women at Astronaut, Prime minister, and now in position of president-ship?

Answer 9

That's not correct at all, cause in most relationships when things are going good people always say they are doing good, but when things are going bad people say he's messing up, only in the occasion when the woman has bee caught doing wrong is it her fault, which leaves the question what did you do?

Answer 10

WHY? Its Guilty...woman been blame for many years,and in a pass preaching of the story of ADAM and Eve,became all this blame and more guilt.So Men use that to rape us,abuse us,disrespect us,strip women of their self-worth,self-esteem,until we feel so bad and actually start believing. but, you have the power to say NO more.. its not my fault,and say you can hurt me any more I'm a grown woman,a wife and nurturing mother,and love yourself ,be strong for your daughters,break the cycle of year after years.woman become only property and possession to men..

Answer 11

Because most men are jerks!!! They want the cake & eat it to if you know what I mean. Us women are always the blame for something or another. Cheer up, it's not so bad b/c we really
do know who's smarter & to blame. I always like getting a good laugh on stupity.