I'm driving myself insane?

Question

After 5 years, I'm wondering whether to call it a day on my relationship. I no longer feel anything toward my fiancee. It seems that every slightest mistake I make (such as forgetting to lock a door), ends up with me being shouted at. It's becoming intolerable, considering I can't justify staying. I know she loves me, and I know it would kill her to see the back of me. Whenever I try to have any kind of conversation with her, she listens, I think, but I still get the feeling that I'm not being listened to.

Also, if I was to leave, I would have nowhere to go but on the street.

It's gotten to the point where I spend most of my time on here, because there's absolutely nothing left of my real life worth bothering about.

My heart has moved on, but I feel stuck.

Answer 1

It's a shame when relationships break down so I hope you can sort it out. It sounds as though she is frustrated as well... maybe talking could help but it sounds as though you have tried this... Maybe there is a reason for her snapping at you... is she stressed with work? Family problems? Maybe there is something you can help her out with.

I definately wouldn't advise you break up with her but if neither of you are happy in this relationship, which is what it sounds like to me, and there isn't something which you can work on to make things better then maybe it really is the only solution....

I would definately advise trying to speak to her again and seeing whether there is something you can help with!!

I think you'll probably find that she is as unhappy with the current situation as you are. Hopefully you can work on it and have a happy life together but if you can't, I hope you manage to find somewhere to live... I know how that is... I am currently living with my fiance and if that were to break down, it would be difficult to find somewhere to live, but it is possible... renting a flat, renting with friends, moving in with friends? Don't stay with your fiancee just because it's convenient!

Answer 2

I'm really sorry about this but I'm afraid none of us has the authority to tell you what to do in such a situation.
However, I suppose we all want what is best others so speaking from the logic I'd say that it makes absolutely no sense for the both of you to be together if you don't feel the same she does for you. Besides, if there's no communication in a relationship, particularly now that you're not even married, how do you fancy it will be in a couple of years after you actually are?
Being should at all the time is not very nice I assume so, well, you've got some thinking to do there, my friend.
Now, in my opinion one should stay only for a valid reason but staying for not having a place to go otherwise is awful on you and unfair to her. I know how it's like out there but if you find a job there are plenty of places you could rent without requiring a deposit and you could also share the rent with someone else. Anyway, this is not what really matters. How you both feel is. Try talking to her if you feel it's worth fighting for. Maybe you can change things but if you feel stuck and that your heart's moved on then I suppose there's your answer.
I'm sorry for my honesty, but that's how I see with the little info I've got on it.
Good luck, hope you find a solution.

Answer 3

It is so hard not to be upset when you are in love with the guy. I have been there and done that. In the long run however you have to be prepared. If he is cheating then ask yourself if you are willing to live with that knowledge and bury it. If you don't then it will continue to eat away at you and pretty soon serious damage will be done. I would just keep my eyes and ears open and perhaps do some checking on my own. Like it was said rent an inexpensive car for a day or two and see. You may just be letting your mind do this to you. I know how that is too. The only way to lay it to rest is to put it out there and hash it out. Tell him how insecure you are about this whole situation. It sounds as if you have already badgered him some and he has his defenses up already. Be careful because in my years I have found that if you accuse a man long enough, then by gosh they will go and do the very thing you are accusing them of. Human nature i suppose. I don't envy you but you are really in control of your emotions and no one else is. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Listen mate, ignore everyone else's suggestion, and try this.
She's special to you right?She listens and she cares.. but she's getting fed up.
If you have money then do something different, take her somewhere nice, or get a job if u dont av money.



See, I may just be a 15 year old and have never been in a relationship, but what I have come to realise is that life is short, and relationships should last, but they don't because people get stuck doing the same thing all the time.

Also, i think it also kills romance if you spend too long together, so you might wanna try something like that too but that's up to you.

Oh n if u do do that, don't tell the missus cos she might get angry bout u spending less time together she might think ur fed up of her, so just do that lightly and don't let her know. And et voila!
God knows what et voila means but it's funny when people say it.
So there you have it.


But should you choose not to do that fair enough cos i haven't got a clue what im talking about XD

Answer 5

Retro -- The most important thing you have said is "I no longer feel anything toward my fiancee." Of course your care about her, but the love has evolved not into a purity of heart, but into something much more distant.

It might not be very comfortable, but in situations where you cannot afford your own flat (right word??), you can always find a room to rent. If you do not have a job, get one. Any one. Just make some money. Renting a room is a good temporary arrangement while you look for your own place.

Save both HER and YOU greater heartache. End it. Move on physically as you have moved on beyond the physical.

Godspeed.

Answer 6

Don't listen to these people. If you love this person, you owe it to yourself, and to them to work it out. You have to ask yourself, what brought the relationship to where it is? Did you used to talk more? If so, try to bring that back. Did you used to give her gifts? Try doing that again.

Maybe it is something on her part. It sounds like something happened, and she resents you for it. That is usually why someone would bicker with you over every tiny thing. Because they are hiding the real reason they are mad.

My best advice, is to just have a night, where the both of you spend time on eachother. Make them a candlelight dinner, and make them feel special. Then have a serious talk, and try to get to the heart of the problem. You may just come across something that surprises you, and it may give you a chance to fix it.

Fight for the things you love, don't give in at the first sign of trouble. It will bring you closer to the other person. Believe me, my wife and I fight for eachother all the time. I know her more than any other woman in the world. She also knows me. Give it a chance, do what you have to do.


Note: Kelly, Love is most definitely supposed to be painful. Love is amazing, and love can bring your world apart. If love was so easy, there would be no unhappy couples.

Answer 7

You both deserve to be happy. What you've described doesn't sound like either of you is happy.

I understand your feelings of being stuck. I think what that actually is, is a reluctance to do the hard part. Breaking it off will be painful and ugly for you both and you don't want to hurt or be hurt.

You know the conversation/confrontation has to happen sooner or later, what are you gaining by postponing it?

Have the conversation - if you both want to try again it will clear the air for you to have a fresh start. If neither of you has your heart in it, you'll be getting it over with and opening the door to a better future for you both.

No matter the outcome, once you face the situation openly and honestly, you'll both be better off.

Answer 8

Get a job and leave. There are roommate services all over if you don't have enough money for deposits on a place. If you really don't care about this girl any more, you won't care if she's hurt. Not to be callous about it, but you two aren't doing each other any favors by staying together.
Good luck working things out.

Answer 9

I have a feeling that you will gain a lot of your self respect if you leave and get your own place. It can be scary, but buying your own butter is very gratifying. And you aren't doing her any favors staying in a relationshiip without the magic of love.

Answer 10

If you can move out, You shouldn't be treated like this, love isn't suppose to be painful, sometimes we teach people how to treat us, and you need to teach her that this isn't on, even if you move out it might frighten her into realising that she is wrong and she might change, but if she doesn't then you need to move on, because if it like this now just think what it could be like in a couple of years, I wish you the best and hope it works out for you x