I am 18 ill be 19 next month and my boyfriend will be 20 in oct.we have been dating for 2 years and moved in with each other about 3 months ago.i am 3.5 mnths pregand found out in June.we are both working multiple jobs to save our money for our baby and were both going to college in the fall.he is in the military(got medically dropped in jan but going back nxt june)both of our families know and a lot of our friends.i am amazed by the support they have given us.i was on bc AND we used condoms(i play sports and model so we wanted to be extra safe).its kind of like God wanted us to have a kid.i know it s a sin to have sex befor marriage but my bf and i have talked about marriage before and we do still plan to get married.we didnt plan to have children for about 5 more years(after i got my teaching degree,which i am still going to do and he was back from serving our country).are we doing the right thing by keeping our baby instead of giving it up for adoption?
2007-08-04 06:02:31 · 14 answers · asked by tisha 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I will be blunt. Babies change things. They really do. And babies turn into children and children are around for two more decades until they are ready to go out on their own. In the meantime they need to be fed, sheltered, trained, educated and loved. And you don't get a break from it.
You are very fortunate to have such a supportive family and a committed man in this situation! It makes the ramifications of your final decision easier to deal with to know there's help out there if/when you need it. Either keeping your baby or giving it up for adoption are "the right things" to do. Both, however, will give you different futures since both have different consequences.
Keeping your baby will radically change your life and plans for the next few years. Your time for yourself will be cut and compromised drastically and you will be exhausted beyond what you ever can imagine now as you juggle school, study, work, house and motherhood. Money you wanted for school will be eaten by Pampers, formula, the extra room you'll need when the baby gets older and day care. You will be responsible for organizing and maintaining a cadre of babysitters and day care people in your circle of family and friends. Mind you this will not last forever, but for the first two or three years of your child's life you can expect this and plan accordingly.
Kids/babies take up less time as they get older, but especially in the first few years they will devour every moment you've got, and the moments you need for yourself - for your careers, educations and relationships not to mention sleep - you will need to leave them with someone safe and responsible and loving. Every single time. No breaks.
OTOH, you will have a child, and there is nothing like it. The love and joy of a child is incomparable to anything most people experience. You will grow as a person and your life before your little one will fade into shadows as you fall in love your child, and this bond lasts for the rest of your life.
If you give your child up for adoption you are able to have your life back as you planned it, and your timetable for your school and plans with your boyfriend will not be changed for more than a few months. If/when the two of you decide to marry and start a planned family you will love those future children just as much.
You will have the mental and emotional burden, however, of wondering "what could have been." If you decide upon a closed adoption, you will spend the rest of your life wondering when a stranger will show up at your door to ask if you are his mother. If you decide on an open adoption, where you participate in the child's life, you will watch someone else raise your child and not be the mother. Can you handle this?
2007-08-04 06:31:35 · answer #1 · answered by mrs_stroozi 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No matter how much 'outside' support you have , you the mommy and daddy are the ones at home-- alone-- in the middle of the night -every night with a very demanding little baby.
No matter what you think most of the care falls upon one or the other of the parents at one time .
Someone has to get some sleep. Most first time parents are stunned at how difficult and demanding having an infant can be .
Caring for a child is the most important job in the world ! please be sure that you are ready to take on the responsibility right now .
If you decide that it is more than you can handle don't be too proud to do the right thing and seek out what is best for the child . The child is the most important concern right now .
2007-08-04 06:16:37 · answer #2 · answered by Bemo 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Only you can answer that, but my personal opinion is yes, I think you two are doing right by your baby by keeping him/her. You have a plan and the love. Dont let ANYONE question your actions because you are not married, despite what some may believe marriage is not what makes a family, it is LOVE. My first son was born before we were married and I love him all the same as my other 2, these things happen despite best efforts to avoid and you roll with the punches, Bless you and your Family..
2007-08-04 06:16:00 · answer #3 · answered by Nay Nay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My dear, that is a very serious and spiritual question that only you and your baby's daddy can answer. I am a bit worried about your statement that you "know it's a sin to have sex before marriage", though. Geez, how well thought out is that emotion? I think you sound pretty darn young.
Your life will NEVER be the same again, whether you raise this child or someone else does. The birth of another human being changes the whole dynamics of the planet. Don't **** it up!
2007-08-04 06:09:34 · answer #4 · answered by Honeyface 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I didn't have to read your whole story. I got pregnant with my first boyfriend I ever slept with when I was 16 and got pregnant. Someone tried to get me to abort, but I'm glad I never considered it. I am 36 now and have two beautiful boys 18 and 16. Did have a bad divorce though after they were grown and now remarried and have a 1 1/2 year old and one on the way. I wouldn't change anything. You and your boyfriend will make it if you try. If you don't, then you won't. Stick together. Jennifer
2007-08-04 06:07:34 · answer #5 · answered by Jennifer 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Where I am, I see it everyday. How these young girls are getting pregnant. It will never be normal to me. I hope they can find a way to make it, especially in this economy. Another reason my teen girls should wait. You have no idea where the future of this country is going. You have no idea. Remember you need money to raise a kid.
2016-05-17 23:57:26 · answer #6 · answered by esperanza 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both sound like very good responsible people yes u are doing the right thing it was a gift from God! Enjoy it kids are so fun:) Good luck too u both and Congratulations!!
2007-08-04 06:35:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
u have the support of everyone... and u guys have goals and everything already while being with the baby.... do u really want to give ur baby for adoption? do u really?? I don't think so...
u guys are doing the right thing, and ur family and Friends will help you.... i know moms younger than u and have babies and they kept them and they are doing fine..
2007-08-04 07:07:12 · answer #8 · answered by Delilah 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are soo doing the right thing, i am so proud there are girls like you, i honestly wish the best for you, your bf & your baby!! i'm sure you'll be fine, you do sound young but you'll grow up so quickly now.. i'll be praying for you, make sure to pray for your family, if you don't then who will? God Bless You!!
2007-08-04 06:18:23 · answer #9 · answered by ˚despeяate housewife˚ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it all depends. my sister had 2 kids before the age of 20. it seems to have took away her child hood. she makes people watch them all the time so she can go drinking. so just make sure you are ready for all the responsibilites. its really hard at any age. you and your boyfriend seem to be really mature so i dont see a problem with it.
2007-08-04 06:57:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋