Should I turn this job offer down 'cause my husband doesn't want me traveling? also myhusband doesn't want cle

Question

I love my husband to death and I know he loves me too. I got this jobs offere which i will be making enough money that my husband want't even need to work any more but i will be traveling alot and he doesn't like that at all. I really want take this jobs but i don't want do any thing to put my realtionship at risk. He saying me getting jobs that i wold be travling alot hurts his manhood what does that have to do with man hood if i will be making way more money than him. I wold be supprting him if that was him. Also, another problem is that he never want do any thing around the house he may do one thing after we have fight over it and just for that day. work full time and go to school full time I'm also a full time mom for our only child 3mon. He works full time and go t school part time and when the house is not clean he complains about it. I tried to talk to him about it so many times but is not working i don't know what to do anymore.

Answer 1

It sounds like it's an issue over control and insecurity. He is insecure about his own ego, and manhood. It confirms his own fears and beliefs that he is not able to make you happy. And, he also believes the woman's work is done in the home, not on the road. That is why he complains about the home being a little messy, insteady of cleaning it when he sees it. He thinks it's your place to keep the home. His ego can not allow you to be a better provider than he is. That is what men were taught to do all the way back to the cave days. The men who are secure with themselves, don't have a problem with letting their woman, go out and kill the pig,and bring home the bacon. If you want to be controlled, and not appreciated for being an individual, then politely decline the job offer, and smile pretty for your husband. He will be very happy. Plus, now you will need him more, and knows that you will be less likely to ever leave him. However, if you don't like that option, then you choose to stand on your own two feet for a great opportunity to improve your financial situation, experiences, and goals for yourself, You have to decide what is more important. Your ego. Your marriage. Your desires. Your happiness. What are you willing to sacrifice to please him and how much compromise has came into the equation??

Answer 2

I would have tried to negotiate before turning it down. Why not go and speak to them now; it might not be too late. Ask for a raise - point out that not only should a Branch Manager command a higher salary than an Assistan Branch Manager, but that you have been with the company for x number of years and you have never had a payrise, and yet clearly they think well of you or you wouldn't have been offered this job. Although to me, it would not be just about the money when you say that it would require an additional two hours a day to get there. That's a long time - I'm not sure that I'd be prepared to travel that much more, even with an increase in pay. Not only are you losing ten hours per week out of your free time, but you'll come home exhausted after having done all that travelling.

Answer 3

This happened to a friend of mine. She was an actress. Her husband told her to turn down a role because it would require traveling. She did. A month later, he then LEFT her for someone else...another actress, in fact, and she had trouble finding acting jobs for a long time after that because she turned down that one role!

It sounds to me like he feels threatened and jealous of your success...and rather than trying to lift himself up, he wants to bring you down. That's just a form of emotional abuse. Don't have any of it.

If you really want this job, I would say take the job anyway, get a housekeeper to come in once a week...and he can just deal with it...or not. Yes, there is a risk that he might leave, but it's better to have a job that you can support yourself and a child on, than have him leave and you have nothing but regret that you could've made your life better.

Besides, maybe your new job will put you in contract with an ever better class of man whose precious manhood doesn't feel "threatened" by a successful and fulfilled woman.

Answer 4

Guys have a thing about being breadwinners - and imagine the abuse he would take from his guy friends if he weren't working because you were supporting your family and not him.

Not to mention that it would mean that he would be responsible for cleaning up the house, which most men are hardwired to avoid anyway.

You both have too much going on, if you ask me. Do you ever get to see your baby?

You will need a counsellor to work this stuff out.

Answer 5

You working "hurts his manhood"? It has nothing to do with his manhood, what it has to do with is the fact that he is trying to control you and feels that if you take this job he will lose all control. You have the right to do what will make YOU happy and he doesn't have the right to control you. I say take the job and if his "manhood" suffers then he was never a MAN to begin with.

Answer 6

i didnt even have to read anymore of your ? when you said that you would b making more money than him..........that is what is gonna hurt his manhood..take the job and if he dont like it he doesnt respect you as a person

Answer 7

and when you start supporting him you will start disrespecting and resenting him. i have seen this story a million times, somehow when women earn more money, this invisible ego just appears from nowhere and clouds their judgement from henceforth

Answer 8

Y'all need some serious marital counselling. Good luck.

Answer 9

communication will make it all work, talk it thru and you'll get the answers you are looking for